Because I can ...

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch!" she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!" *** Despite this being yet another blonde joke to roll my eyes at, it did make me laugh. Then I started thinking about how I would react if I was ever in the

I'm getting too surgary. Some of what I've written lately has me feeling like I'm drinking syrup...and seeing as that syrup is not even CLOSE to a good shot of Tequila, then I'm done with it. I'm restless...I'm pre-menstrual. Stop! Wait! Let me explain before you back away slowly from your screen! Having PMS does not always mean I'm gonna get bitchy, k? Oh, don't be such a sissy and sit the hell down. You know I'm harmless. The flip side of how PMS affects me? I'm horny...24/7 horny. I know I'm not the only one that feels the urge so strongly at this time of the month, so I know you get where I'm coming from. The downside of course, is that the object of my desire is out of arms reach. But I've managed to survive this long, so you must know I'm capable of finding strategies to combat the lack of sexual sport myself. Now that I'm the age I am, I HAVE to know how to get through these droughts...it's imperative I d

There are several things you notice when you're a single female...especially one in her early 40's. I'm not 25 anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm old (I daresay I'm trying to convince myself more than you lol) . From the outside looking in, I'm single....from the inside (that includes you lot, in case you were wondering) , I'm not. But whilst I'm hanging around in limbo, there are those out there that help boost my ego through the empty times when I may be feeling particularly vulnerable. We all have them right? They're out there smiling, winking, charming their way in with their friendly hearts, making us feel important...acknowledging us. Doesn't mean they want to do anything about it, but it helps to fill in time while we wait. Nobody likes to think they're invisible all the time. There are moments when we wish we could hide away from the outside world...even moments when we wish the ground would open up and suck us into it's depth

I went for a quick squiz though my archives this morning. That was some interesting reading if I do say so myself. But it also showed me how different I'm writing these days. Well, the subject matter more than anything. I went there basically to have a read of what one of my new invitees *cough KC cough* was going to get an eyeful of. Dunno how much he bothered reading, but can I just say now...don't go back there!...don't look!...everything's changed, everything's different, I was a different person back then! Ok, I'm still the same person, so that was a lie *gasp!* You can't knock a girl for trying to bury some of her past when she's feeling slightly foolish about it all now. We all have some regrets at some point that we'd like to lock away in the closet. Good days, bad days, they were and are, a part of life that shapes us. Lessons to be learned and all that blah. I think I used to be more fun back then. Hell, even I was entertained wit

I've been tagged by Some Mexican Chick ...I'm going to skip the 8 random facts about me, I'm pretty sure I've spilled my guts across these pages over the last few years, so I've chosen to try answering the question only: "I love how you write!" (Thank you!) "Your entries give me so much to think about and sometimes you just crack me up. I hope you never lose that lovely sense of humor" (How kind of you to say *blush*. Again, thank you). "So, taking into consideration your current predicament, do you have a Plan B if something were to not come through? " (Oh!....Crap...*mutter mutter*) That's a pretty hefty question to answer. You and I both know she must be referring to my situation with the currently married Dan and what would I do if he changed his mind and decided to stick his marriage out afterall....or perhaps, our clandestine relationship came to a grinding halt for one reason or another. It'd be safe to say that for som

It's September 11 today in New Zealand, and while I haven't taken part in the 2996 Project for 2007, I have chosen to repost the one I wrote on this anniversary last year. It amazes me that 6 years have passed already since this tragic event. However, it doesn't amaze me that the void and loss can still be felt as keenly as if it were only yesterday for the loved ones of those fallen. It is also no surprise that the U.S. nation and the world at large still struggle to come to terms as to the 'whys and wherefores' of the entire situation. And putting aside terrorism, war and retaliation, as I sit here today and think back, another thought strikes me (and not for the first time). Life is short. At times it can be incredibly unpredictable...we often have no control over that. What we CAN control is how we live it and the love and happiness we spread around those close to us. The negatives of life in general get in the way of that happening many times over the ye

Ok, enough dramatics from me. Fact...children are going to get older and leave home. Fact...parents are going to feel the void and adjust in whatever way suits them best. Fact...everyone will get on with their lives, the sun will come up again tomorrow despite drama, hormones and loss. It's important to get these things into perspective. I, of course, occasionally let it all get the better of me and do a Scarlett O'Hara, throwing myself dramatically against the nearest staircase. Besides, he came back to me the following day and the important thing is, he will continue to come home to me. Whether he's living under this roof or not. Fact...I'm his Mum...he loves me...he knows how much I love him...and no amount of land mass or ocean depth will make either of us forget that. No need to cover your ears...I'm not about to burst out with "Aint No Mountain High Enough" . The other night I was watching an ad on the telly for a woman's only gym. Me: "I&

It's Cameron's birthday today. September 1. Born on the 'unofficial' first day of Spring in New Zealand. My hospital room was filled with the most beautiful and vibrant colours from spring flowers this day, 18 years ago. Cameron is on the home stretch through his final year of college (high school)...he's allowed to vote...he's now driving...he has more in his savings account than I do....and today he can go into the local liquor store and purchase alcohol for his party this evening. Next year he starts University. I was going to give him a rice cooker as part of his birthday gifts this year. Yeah, you read it right...a rice cooker. If there's two appliances I know Cameron will want when he moves out of home, they'll be a rice cooker and a blender. The kid could almost live on rice and fruit smoothies alone. And while I know he's not moving out tomorrow, I also know that day is going to come a lot quicker than I'm prepared for. I wanted