Saturday, July 28, 2007

Not in a Sharing Mood...

Alice and I met for lunch today. More out of the necessity to vent rather than wanting to share space in each others company I think. From an early morning text conversation between us, it was obvious we were both pre-menstrual and in pretty pissy moods. Men being the main focus of our attention, it was all on.

There's a shortage of men in New Zealand. I remember reading about it in the newspapers a few months ago. There are just simply not enough men to keep the female population satisfied. This of course, does not mean, that after reading that article, I decided the only alternative for me was to get out there and try running off with someone else's husband/partner.

If my mind was tuned to that way of thinking I would've had a long running affair with a married man years ago. But I didn't, until my current situation...prior to this, I would've never dreamed of going against the grain of what's 'proper' in society.

The LAST thing in the world I want to do is have to share the special man in my heart. I have no problem at all sharing him with anyone or anything else (except Iraq, I'm not prepared to share him with Iraq, that's just ludicrous. If you do actually read this babe? No, I haven't changed my mind).

Why would I be concerned about sharing? I'm not a possessive kinda girl, I have a busy enough life, I share myself across family, friends and work also. Those areas are all very real and necessary parts of our lives. But to share him with another woman? One who actually has the right to be in his life? Regardless of the fact that he doesn't want her there? Well...that part sucks eggs big time.

I have a friend here, who is living with a partner...and is having an online affair with another man. The online man has her heart, not the one that lives in her house. She loves her partner, but not on the same euphoric level she loves her 'other man'. And what about the partners that know that they're spouses have had or are having affairs? Why do they continue to stay with them? They must be made out of stronger/better stuff than I am, because there's no way I could imagine hanging in there if my spouse had breached those boundaries.

It appears to me...that some of those that DO have partners, are not happy with them...and some of those that DON'T have partners, want someone else they shouldn't or can't have. Pretty screwy really. It can't help but give out the wrong impression of what love and marriage are supposed to be like...what they're supposed to stand for.

Ignore me...I'm having one of those days where my heart is aching for time to move by at a faster rate than usual...I suspect in the next couple of days the screaming in my head will settle back down to a quiet hum.

I should've realised this mood was about to strike when I was consuming raspberry chocolate, drinking mulled wine and crying off and on through the season finale of Greys Anatomy. All that achieved was a slightly tipsy female pissed off at herself for eating crap.

2, maybe 3 days, I'll be over it. It can't come fast enough. I don't even want to be in the same room as myself at the moment lol.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007

From One Extreme to the Other

I had a fairly cruisy weekend. As you may remember, my sister gave me a gift voucher for my birthday for a facial (or whatever I chose). Saturday afternoon I decided to cash it in. I rang and booked (luckily she was free at 1.30 due to a cancellation). She had me up on the bed and told me that she likes to start all her facials off with a back massage. It was bliss. She massaged my back for at least 20 minutes and then had me roll over to deal to my face (so to speak lol).

I lay there while she slapped all sorts of organic concoctions on my face, plucked my eyebrows, painted eye masks and whatever blahdy blahs on me. Then she finished off by giving me a scalp massage and rubbed coconut oil etc through my hair. She didn't do that last part until after I told her I wouldn't be going out for the evening, just staying in watching rugby. And just as well, because when I left, I was looking rather greasy, and I stayed that way until I washed it all out of my hair the following day.

The problem with having these kinds of treatments, is that they become addictive you know? It's like having pedicures. Once you've had one, you're pretty much sold and going back time and time again (well I am anyway). I will confess that I have deliberately avoided using this facial gift voucher sooner for fear of getting swept up in something else that'll have me hankering for it again. I'm trying to hang on to my money, not throw it away on frivilous luxuries.

It WAS rather heavenly though...can't deny that. I lay on a heated massage table, in dim lighting with beautiful relaxing music floating around me and left almost two hours later feeling thoroughly pampered and half asleep. How can I NOT want to do that on a regular basis??

The following morning, my sister and I shoved our feet into gumboots and visited the neighbouring orchard. The couple there have some exclusive livestock on their property. I mean, they have various types of fruit trees, their chickens are all rather flambouyant breeds and they have about four different varieties of the pig kingdom. Get a load of this photo.


That's a citrus fruit of some kind. Apparently it's called "Buddha's Hand". The tree was heavy with this weirdly shaped fruit...and I can't imagine trying to eat one, let alone peel the damn thing.

The husband runs the crematorian for pets (I'm sure there's a more official name for it), and his wife is the vet, so you can imagine they would pretty much know their stuff when it came to animals. They have 11 dogs - all curly haired setters - they were gorgeous and followed us in a pack everywhere. You couldn't move without tripping over a dog trying to get your attention...it was fabulous.

My favourite part of the morning is the video below. Forgive the resolution, I took it with my new cellphone and haven't quite got the settings right for posting on here I think. It's only just over a minute long and shows the real reason why we braved the smell and muck to visit the neighbours lol.



I took this video to show Jaimee the piglets, and I'm hoping in the next couple of weeks I'll be able to get her up to the orchard with me before they get too big and 'uncute'.

The two mother pigs are only 18 months old (knowing that doesn't help when you have your sweatshirt stuffed with tamarillos and they come running at you! lol). The small brown ones (Europeans) were 2 months, and the tiny black and black/white ones (Saddlebacks) were just over 2 weeks. Damn those things are cute.

I had a wonderful weekend, despite being pawed at by several dogs and snotted on by pigs that were trying to get the fruit out from under my shirt. I reckon that's why the husband kept giving me handfuls of tamarillos...cos he KNEW the pigs would try accosting me...that's when I thought it was time my sister carried some of it...she was like "No! I don't want any!" in this really high pitched voice lol.

Right, that's it for now...I better get cracking and bring the washing in...did you read that?? I've hung washing out!...that obviously means it actually isn't raining today. Hoorah!
Friday, July 20, 2007

When Push Comes to Shove

Cameron's been feeling somewhat bullied into getting his drivers license. Ok, so his father and I had to eventually do the "cruel to be kind" thing (not too much of the cruel, but you get the gist).

For the past two weeks Cam's been stressing about having to take the test. The day he went with his father to book it, the lady behind the counter said "Oh, we've just had a cancellation, would you like to take it tomorrow instead?" Pat told me later the expression on Cameron's face after hearing that was priceless. A mass of panic mixed with trying to look calm.

Poor kid, the things his parents force on him haha.

Anyway, the big day was today...9am this morning to be exact. He was up early, I made him breakfast (I know, but it was a special occasion no?) and he sat at the table drinking coffee while madly scouring the Road Code. I hovered around him trying not to add pressure haha. He pointed out "The only reason I've agreed to this now is because Dad wants to start concentrating on teaching Ryan. That's the ONLY reason."

Cameron is a perfectionist to the extreme...he hates failing anything. For days he's been going on and on about not being ready for one reason or another. When he drove us up to the Orchard and back not long ago, I told him how well he was driving and that I felt he was ready. He said "No Mum, I made one mistake, I didn't indicate out of the roundabout."

Anyway, he went, shat his undies for half an hour, and came home smiling. Hooray! And thank God for that, because I don't know how he would've coped if he'd failed the damn thing. The instructor told him he's one of the few applicants that have passed in a manual the first time out, so he was beaming rather widely. Then he changed into his school uniform and drove himself off to school.

Now all I have to worry about is him driving around on the roads. Don't suppose there's much of a chance I could get the streets cleared of all other traffic each time he goes out is there?

No more having to get up at 5.30am to take him to work in the weekends! Do you know how good that's going to feel?? And do you know what the irony of that is?...he finally handed his resignation in last week, so he only has one weekend left at the bakery anyway! lol

Four years he's been there, but with working weekends as well as working everyday after school for a few hours with his father, something had to give. He needs time to study and relax. Short of his father firing him, which Pat thought he may have to do because he could see the strain Cam was under trying to keep all his balls in the air at once (uh, you know what I mean). It's gotta be better this way. He may actually find time to have some fun and be a 'normal' teenager now.

So yeah, his parents had a hand in that too...gentle encouragment wasn't getting us anywhere fast. A bit of brute force can work like magic sometimes.

Heh.

Right, I'm done doing the mummy thing for the moment. Happy Weekend to you all :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Blushing with Pride?

I do stupid stuff sometimes. Well, not so much stupid, but silly kinda teenage stuff you know? In fact I don't even know if a teenager would think about doing some of it, let alone do it for real. *shrug* Whatever, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be putting it out on the web to get laughed at by the world (albeit a small but special group of people in the world).

Because Dan is on the south island and because of the complications we find ourselves up against...there is little I can do to have the time with him I crave. If I'm ever down and skating near the fine line of depression about this situation, I think about some of the things I do that keep him close, even if it's not in the way I'd prefer.

I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed to share some of this with you, but what the hell, I've no doubt I lost any sense of decency on here some time ago with you lot:

- When I go to the orchard I make sure I have his t-shirt with me, and I wear it to bed (I often wear it to bed here at home too depending on my mood);

- When I visit Anna and Jason I buy a bag of Jet Plane sweets on the way to share with them, because I know he has a thing for them, and it makes me feel like he's around in some small way. The fact that Jason is also a "Jet Plane man" (Anna's words) makes it a win/win for everyone;

- I had my toenails deliberately painted with a polish by OPI called "Don't Be Coy With Me", trying to give out a subliminal message the last time I saw him because I didn't know what to expect when he came to Wellington (the colour was pretty naff, it was a bright orange, and Cameron reckoned it would give people small headaches if I kept removing my shoes around them. If I recall correctly, Dan said it looked desperate...Anna gushed over it...Alice loved it...the girls win haha);

- The birthday present he gave me sits in the box in it's slimline briefcase, and occasionally I'll open it and run my hands over the tools. I've only used it a couple of times, because I don't want scratch any of it (I know, I know);

- I still have a dried yellow rose from the first bouquet of flowers he handed me...even though they weren't actually for me;

- My cellphone has become my lifeline to him and it's on 24 hours a day, just in case;

- I always drink my first coffee of the day out of a cup that has the words "Morning Handsome" on it. This is part of a 'couple'...the other cup says "Morning Gorgeous" and I bought them with him in mind after he'd returned home when training finished;

- I carry around the birthday card he gave me in my handbag. It's just there, I don't take it out to read on a daily basis, but it's there and although I'm the only one that knows that (besides you lot now)...that's good enough reason for me;

- I still have an old train ticket he used to come out and visit me one day...he slipped it into my wallet while I was looking for something else, and it's been there ever since...I can't bring myself to throw it out;

- I close my eyes and I can feel him gently kissing around my mouth and face, while urging me to continue telling him about my day (how I was supposed to keep talking with that going on is beyond me);

- I remember stirring in the night to feel him pull me closer and say "Go back to sleep sweetheart";

- the rest of what goes through my mind when I think about him with my eyes closed, is something I'm sure you'd all prefer I kept to myself. (Be grateful I need to go to work shortly or some of it may have found a way to spill out on here...afterall, it IS Hump Day here in New Zealand you know lol).

Anyway, that's enough for now....there's only so much squirming a girl can do when she's sharing this kinda stuff ya know?
Friday, July 13, 2007

There's Gotta Be An Easier Way to Get Picked Up...

The first weekend Dan flew up to Wellington for his course, and a couple of days after receiving that phonecall, we arranged to see each other. Under the circumstances, I was expecting this to be the last time I saw him.

As far as I was aware I was going to go out and pick him up on the Saturday morning and we'd spend the day together. BUT, on the Friday, all day I was practically twitching...I wanted to see him more than anything, and the sooner the better. During the day I'd spoken to both Alice and Anna at different times...I told them jokingly, if I could swing it, I was hoping to get him back here on Friday night.

Both agreed I should endeavour to do this. Now, some of you know, I have a slight epilepsy condition...well it's only slight because the medication makes it behave most of the time...I don't convulse, the seizures I have mainly affect my eyes. If you know anything about epilepsy, you'll be aware that seizures can be brought on by strobe lighting. Driving at night with plenty of traffic on the roads, tends to make my brain think it's being strobed at. If I can get out of driving at night hours, I will. However, I have done it on many occasions, but I prefer not to.

Daylight hours don't necessarily stop them from happening either...if I'm tired, stressed and having to deal with too much sun shining through trees, median 'fencey' type barriers etc...well Bingo is it's name-o. My body involuntarily releases some kind of warm fuzzy thing that makes it want to close it's eyes and relax. It basically gives off the same feeling you enjoy in the aftermath of a good orgasm (are there actually any BAD ones?). Having an orgasm whilst driving, or perhaps leaping straight into the car (and who's to say you're not already IN the car??) to rush off immediately after experiencing an orgasm, could be fatal to your health and the safety of others on the road...*takes deep breath*....SO!...obviously if I'm already driving I can't let that happen. I have to do what I can to stop it (I know! It's a crying shame for sure *sigh*). Fighting against it means I need to voluntarily thrust my senses in the opposite direction...I tense myself up...instead of relaxing, I practically turn rigid until the feeling passes...which can be anything from 5 - 15 seconds.

ANYWAY!...I really AM trying to get to a point by telling you all that crap, so try and stay awake.

My closest friends and family know this about me. And as such (keep alert...crap point on the horizon)..both Anna and Alice told me that if I needed someone to drive out to kidnap Dan, they were free for the night. Over the course of the evening I received text messages from the ladies...pretty much saying the same thing "I'm still awake"... "I'm still free"..."Just text if you need me"...."I won't be going to bed for AGES yet"...hint bloody hint. Nothing like a woman on the edge and her supportive friends to throw her into action. And can I say, if I didn't love the two of them so much, I would've found a way to silence them indefinitely at that point.

Finally he calls...he's out....Friday night at the closest bar to the prison...doing the bonding thing with his course mates. Long story shortened ("Thank God for that!" I hear you all cry), he agreed to let me go and get him...I informed him I would be bringing someone else along for the ride...well she would be bringing me. Dan sorted, I texted Alice and with a squeal of rubber, she turned up 5 seconds later outside my house. Don't ask me how, she has some kinda 'damsels in distress' gift. It would come as no surprise to me, if she was parked down the road, full to the brim with anticipation, waiting for me to contact her.

How hard do you think it would be to find a male standing outside a bar on the main street? Let me rephrase that...Did we think it was going to be difficult to find Dan? Course not. Drive along the main drag, find bar, see him outside waiting, stop car, he climbs in, we drive off...piece o' piss. Neither of us really knew where we were going and not being familiar with the area....yep, you guessed it...we got lost.

A minor technicality and temporary setback.....whatever.

Anna, however, grew up in the region...I pulled out my trusty Nokia and dialled. Jason answers the phone...I wearily tell him we're lost, hoping for some guidance. The next thing I hear is Jason hooting with laughter, then *slap!*, followed by an "ouch!", an annoyed "Well, give me the freakin' phone then!"...and Anna's sweet voice comes on the line.

Anna: Where are you exactly?
Me: "Uh...dunno...River Road at the moment's about all I know."
Alice: "Tell her we've just passed the Trentham turn off"

I set the cellphone to loudspeaker.

Me: "You can hear each other now."
Anna: "Hey Alice!"
Alice: "Hey Anna! We're lost! lol"
Anna: "No worries, just focus, important business to attend to tonight you know?"
Alice: "Shit, don't I know it...the anticipation's bloody getting to me more, Lisa's cool as a cucumber."
Me: *Ignoring them both* "How will we know when we've reached Upper Hutt anyway?"
Alice: "We'll just look for the skanks in short skirts and fuck-me boots haha."
Me: *gasp* "Alice! Anna grew up around here!"
Alice: "Shit, sorry Anna, didn't know that" *sheepish*
Anna: *laughing* "Lisa, listen to me...this is what you need to do ok? Get him home, give him excellent sex, and then talk."
Alice: "Yeah...Deal to him and then he'll be too exhausted to put up a fight when you talk to him."
Anna: "Got that? Home, Sex, Talk. In that order."
Me: "Oh for heaven sake, you're making me feel like a manipulative predator!
Anna: "Give him great sex tonight and talk in the morning..."
Alice: "You could always tie him up and pretend you were going to give him great sex."
Me: "Oh shut up both of you!"
Anna: "Yeah, and then he won't be able to get away ever hahahaha"
Me: *groan* "I feel a headache coming on"
Alice: "Desperate times, call for desperate measures doll"
Me: "I'm not desperate...."

*silence*

Me: "Alright, I might be feeling a little desperate...but that's besides the point."
Anna: "Just follow the plan, you'll be sweet."
Me: "No, I'll follow my own plan"

*silence*

Me: "Ok, so I don't have a plan."
Alice: "Then just do as we..."
Me: "No....*groan, burying my face in my hands*..........Do you really think that'll work?"

*gales of laughter all round as I repeatedly bash my head against the dashboard*

With Anna verbally steering us in the right direction now, we found him. Alice practically pushed me out of the front and told me to get in the back with him....then told us she wanted to see both our hands at all times. Incidentally, this was the first time those two had ever met. On the drive home, while Alice and Dan chatted, I spent the majority of that time staring out the car window, giving myself a mental pep talk..... "I'm not going to cry, ...don't you DARE cry again!" and "Breeeeeathe...don't forget to breathe Lisa, keep breathing" with the occasional argument "It would be the height of bad manners if you bash him...not even a little bash?....ok, maybe just a little, but try not to bruise him"...thrown in.

I know you're all getting restless...it's ok, I'm winding up for the finish ...relaaaax...it's almost over. Let's go bullet-point fashion eh? I'm getting fed up with typing now anyway lol.

- Alice dropped us off;
- We came up the stairs and into the lounge;
- He took my hand, and pulled me over to the couch;
- He wanted to talk; (see? I knew it!)
- We cuddled up together and talked.
- We talked about him, about me, about us and about his marriage.

And then he kissed me....and with my heart aching, I thought, "How can something that feels SO right, be wrong?"

And I relaxed against his body and kissed him back...willing to concede that I was going to have to lose control before I could find what I wanted and what I'd been missing for so long.
Monday, July 09, 2007

Happy Monday to You...Yeah Right



I made a mistake last post.... it WAS my 500th post, but alas I was foolish enough to go and delete one I noticed on my list that was never published. The upshot of that is, that the newly deleted post was empty anyway. I have no idea why it was even there, but there ya go, it was, and now it isn't...and neither was my 500th post, pfft.

Anyway, just another video of me rambling...about the weather, about work and about my kids driving or more to the point, not driving...and God knows why, even about their jeans. I don't know where I get this stuff, but obviously not "Rivetting.com"...*sigh*

Have a great week...I'm off to get warm...Yay! Alone...Boo! haha
Thursday, July 05, 2007

I've Learned....

- not to leave an empty bottle of mulled wine concentrate on the kitchen bench if I don't want Ryan to call me a drunk;

- to place the second full bottle at the back of a cupboard where he won't see it;

- that asking my mechanic (who can't take a look at my weird-noise emitting car until Fri) "I won't kill myself before then, will I?" and hearing his response of "I hope not", does nothing to reassure my goal of longevity;

- the sweetest four year old can warm my heart as she chats happily to the phlebotomist about how she's got new knickers...and 5 minutes later I'm called in to help physically hold her still while she's screaming blue murder;

- the boys on their two week break from school appear to be constantly under my feet, when I've barely seen them at all ;

- that changing back to my maiden name is an arduous task and one that includes me having to spell and respell it several times because people think they've misheard me;

- that introducing my sister to the nurses at work, while they're staying at a bach near the Orchard for a weekend away to do patchwork quilting to their hearts desires...means watching my sister go on a frenzy for quilting materials;

- it also has me inspired enough to drag out the quilting project I started 7 years ago, spread it across my bed, and make mental notes of what needs to be done to finally complete it;

- my usual style of procrastination is alive and well while the above-mentioned quilt is still in the same position a week later;

- my unfinished quilt is a fabulous extra layer of warmth during Winter regardless of the many safety pins still holding it together;

- getting some sexual relief in any form is not an easy task when others from both the North and the South Island of New Zealand appear to be making it their business to get in the way, despite the innocence of their interruptions;

- a new respect for the words "persistence", "focus" and "determination";

- answering the phone late at night while half asleep to hear "Don't talk, just listen..." can make me go from holding my breath one minute to breathless with pleasure the next;

- it also has Cameron banging on the wall, calling out "MUM, PLEASE!" while I'm singing loudly in the shower the following morning.
Sunday, July 01, 2007

Tales of Tails

The boys went to their school ball on Friday night. I was relatively lucky this year. I didn't have to do any taxiing around besides dropping them off at a friends at the beginning of the evening. Their father got to do the rest...collect them at midnight...bring them home to change out of their suits...and take Cam back out to the after-party at 1.30am, go back again and collect Cam at 4.30am.

Ryan chose not to attend the after party but went for the ride. Cam and his mate had an hour to kill so they all played the Wii until Dad arrived back here. I slept through the whole thing, woke at 2.30 to find Cam's bedroom light on and Ryan fast asleep lol.


Before I'd gone to bed earlier that evening, I'd cleared a path amongst books and clothes etc, to the bed in Cameron's room. Didn't know what state he was going to come home in, and I knew there was going to be alcohol involved, just didn't know how much. Thought it best to make the task of him getting to bed easier than usual. The last thing I wanted him to do, was hit the deck, after he'd tripped over shoes or whatever in the wee hours of the morning.

Ryan got more sleep than anyone, and still didn't rise until after midday. It's been over a year now that Ryan chucked his guts up due to alcohol consumption...I'm pleased to report that we've had no similar incidents since then. He'll have the occasional drink but certainly not to that extent. I expect at some stage in the future he may get to that point again, but I'm hoping it'll be way WAAAY into the future. If you haven't already read what happened to my then 15 year old, and you're interested, go here and here.


Back to Friday....Cameron came home, slammed the toilet door against the wall as he shoved it open....dropped the toilet lid with a crash...he switched the hallway light on, which shines directly into my room and then hovered around my door, waiting. How could I NOT wake up? I rolled over in bed and asked him sleepily how his night went. That was all the cue he needed to enter, sit on the edge of my bed, and give me a blow by blow account.

Seems my oldest son spent most of the after-party looking after his mates as they spewed into decorative urns, down steps and against walls in alleyways. Bleech. He even told me of a couple of girls in particular that kept hitting on him...that's a biggie for Cameron...we don't usually get to discuss him AND girls in the same converation, if we ever get to talk about them at all. I held my breath during that part, didn't want him to realise what he was saying, or more to the point, WHO he was saying it to. lol I was allowed to go back to sleep at 5.45.


Anywaaay, it's over now. I can thank my lucky stars I have boys, it's SO much easier to sort them out for an event like this. Get them to the tailors, let them choose what they like, get them fitted...all done. With the girls there's obviously more to take into account...it's all about the dress, the hair, the makeup, shoes etc. Boys are easy in comparison...I like boys...which is just as well seeing as I don't have any girls lol

I took the boys on separate days to get fitted, I didn't want either of them to be influenced by what the other wanted to wear. As it turned out, both ended up wearing tails. Ryan in a morning suit, Cameron in evening tails, and although Cam felt he looked like a pianist, once Ryan told him that pianists were cool, he relaxed. Never mind that I'd told him he looked good...I'm the mother, I'm supposed to say those things apparently. When Cam was being fitted for his suit a few weeks ago, my main thought was when he switched from the traditional white waistcoat/bowtie to black...I was concerned he'd look like a waiter lol. Ryan took a little longer to make up his mind, he told me later he was trying to find something that didn't make him look so much like his father on our wedding day. Lord knows what goes through that kid's head sometimes lol.


It wasn't until I looked at these photos, that I realised Ryan's grown quite a bit recently...although I figured he's been going through another growth spurt lately, (it's almost like he's eating non-stop these days). But I hadn't given it much thought that he could end up going UP! lol