Monday, December 24, 2007

Short and Direct

Lisa



To my special blogger friends (and those that don't have blogs but read others' anyway *wink*)...I wish a safe, healthy and happy holiday season.

Merry Xmas and all the very best to you and your families for the New Year.

*Big smoochy group hug*

Friday, December 21, 2007

Saying It Right

Rushing into the nurse's room, doctor on my heels:

Me: *grabbing nurse and looking back* "haha, I win!"
Doc: "Actually it was you I wanted to nail."
Me: *cough* "You really need to choose your words more carefully."
Doc *gasping* "You've got a filthy mind!"
Me: "I can't help it, can I?!...when you're on your own, you have an inbuilt radar for such things."

****

Walking into Cameron's bedroom:

"Honey? Are you able to..."

*taking in state of room*

"I wish you'd put those dishes and cups in the dishwasher...and bring your dirty washing out to the laundry please...god, I get so fed up with telling you that. I'm going out shortly, the truck will be here to collect the mini-skip soon, can you tell the driver...*pointing*...are those boxes empty?...chuck em out. Oh my god, what is THAT?"

*pausing for answer*

"Jeez Mum, that was all very A.D.D. of you...go take some medication."
Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Piece of Cake

On Saturday, after my hair-ripping experience, I was expecting to put up a very short post here.

It was merely going to say:

"Well...THAT hurt like a mother-fucker."

But, I didn't need to...because not only was I too busy admiring my own armpits and running my hands up and down my hairless legs...I was also slapping my sister on the back and telling her what a great job she'd done and how proud I was of her.

My Mum watched for a short time, then she obviously got bored. There was no yelling or crying involved whatsoever...she buggered off to find something more interesting to do.

Lucky I'm not such a sensitive gal...I could have been hurt by her disinterest...perhaps I should have been more entertaining? Although how I was supposed to achieve that lying on my back with my arms in the air is beyond me. (Oy, this was my mother...me being in that position would not appeal to her, so shut ya gobs.)

Anyway, apart from one very brief teeth-gritting moment...it was virtually painless. Call me a sissy for getting so worked up about it last week, I don't care.

I had psyched myself up so much, that I'd been prepared to deal with the nightmare of whatever torture she was going to bestow upon me. In reality, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I'd expected.

I can also imagine now, how easy it would be to get the other bit waxed...you know?...*raises eyebrows*....the other bit? But no, I aint gonna do that regardless of how simple that may be.

So you see...it really can pay to expect the worst...then anything less than that can result in the double whammy of a delightful surprise and tremendous bonus.

Go on...admit it...you were disappointed I wasn't screaming my lungs out. lol
Monday, December 10, 2007

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

I've been growing the hairs on my legs and under my arms for almost two weeks now.

Don't freak out...I know it's a turn-off, but there's a logical reason for me doing this. Besides, I'm not here to turn you on anyway.

Back to the hair, I'm a shaver. Apart from the few months I gritted my teeth and gave the epilady a fair crack many moons ago...I've been shaving for years.

I shave in the shower every day or every other day...it's a nuisance, but the alternative is dealing with prickly legs and armpits, and I'm just not prepared to leave it until it gets completely out of hand...so the hair's gotta go.

My sister, bless her heart, has decided to take up waxing, along with the rest of the services she offers in her studio.

Which means my body is once again being tampered with for the sake of beauty science. Christ, how much longer can this go on for? Am I not already beautiful enough for fuck sake??

You know, I didn't mind so much laying back on her fabulous special chair for a couple of hours, while she painstakingly practised at glue-ing single silk eyelashes to my own natural ones. (The bonus of that was, after taking an hour to do only one eye, she went cross-eyed, I said "Bugger this for a lark"...she said "Yeah, let's have a wine." and we stopped the lashing until the following day.) Apart from how bloody long it took, I rather liked the finished product. Made me feel very feminine.

But, this coming Saturday, I'm going to get on that chair again, allow her to slap hot wax under my arms, and rip the hair right out of 'em!

My legs I can cope with (I think, who knows yet? I'm such a baby)...my armpits??...well, yeah...not so much. I keep visualising skin ripped off at the same time. Not a good image.

My Mum will also be staying at the orchard and more than likely, will want to watch this fascinating procedure. Which means swearing is not going to be an option. Bashing my sister after she's caused me that kind of pain, will also have to be scratched from the list. Tad unfair I feel. Mother go home.

Women do this all the time right? Not everyone's a sissy like me and chooses to shave. We all know that there are plenty of brave females waxing more than just their legs and armpits these days. It seems to me, that it's practically become 'vogue' to be lovely and smooth ALL over...no expense or pain spared. Anna told me the other day, that while she was in Vietnam a couple of weeks ago, she'd had the hair removed from her armpits via the 'threading' method *shudder*

And you know what else?...I read an article recently stating that men are opting to have brazillian waxes. You know that doesn't mean they're having their backs done, right?? A salon down south advertised brazillian waxes for males...she's been absolutely inundated with clientele. These men aren't your average white collar pretty boy types, you know (no offence guys)...they're big beefy farmerboy types...(we're talking about the deep south of New Zealand here!)...bloke and their sheds, kinda men...ordinary fun-lovin' Speights drinkin', burpin', fartin' kiwi male types. All keen to have the hair ripped out of their nether regions for whatever reason.

So anyway...Saturday, I'm finally going to do it....I don't HAVE to do it, but I've chosen to. If not just to help my sister in her training, but for the fact that I won't have to shave every freakin' day or so in the shower. It's a win/win situation I suppose.

I'm a noisy girl at the best of times, so I reckon, when I get this done this weekend?...there's a strong possibility you're going to hear exactly when it happens, regardless of where in the world you might be lol.

Aw shit...I just need to suck it up and not be such a wimp...I mean...how hard can it be??
Saturday, December 08, 2007

I'm Home...

...yet I guess you didn't even know I was out. I don't get out too often these days, so when I do, I have to make sure it's noted somewhere I guess.

Hey, look at me!

I've posted, um...*counts up posts*...5 times within a week.

Who knew it was still possible eh??

I've been out to my work christmas dinner tonight...had far too much to drink...can you tell??

Enjoyed myself immensely...and although the screen is slightly blurry, I can still type.

Damn, I really am a legend.

Or something like that.

I'm off to get my gear off and get into bed...I've a headache coming on I think.

I bet you're all just tickled pink that I thought of you enough to come here and post before I went to bed, haha.

Happy weekend to you all!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Never Thought I'd See the Day

Cameron left the house this morning, for the last time in his college school uniform.

The last time...EVER.

That's it...finito...he's done with school.

Ok, he's going to university next year...but he's done, done, done, with school.

Course, I had to grab him and hug him tightly before he left.

"Well...this is it...last time sweetheart."

"Oh Mum, it's just school."

"I don't care. You made it all the way through and came out the other end intact...I'm so proud of you."

*sigh* "It's only school...no need to make such a big deal about it."

Then he stepped out the door grinning and winked at me.

He WINKED at me! lol

*deep breath*

My baby's gonna be playing with the BIG boys!

I feel a moment coming on. *sob*
Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What Utter Nonsense

You know those people that can get chatty when there are gaps during conversations? They're the people that kinda start talking madly, filling in the pauses by running off at the mouth...polluting the air with a whole lot of anything and nothing...which can sometimes equate to complete rubbish? You know what I mean right?

Sales people love them. A good salesperson will gauge this in their prospect, sit back and let the potential buyer continue on like that...til they've basically sold themselves on whatever product it is. The sale goes through, and the vendor barely moved a muscle. I think they call that "easy money".

I can be one of those people. I readily admit it. I don't always do it and despite enjoying the sound of my own voice, I actually value silence. I'm the mother of two boys...they can be rowdy buggers...so yeah, I LOVE my silence.

But there are definite times that I feel the need to talk non-stop...fill the spaces...and keep filling them til I run out of steam.

Which is what I think I'm doing now. Filling in the silence. My real life silence. Regardless of anything else I'm doing or dealing with, I'm likely to rattle on in here regularly at the moment. Half of what I say could possibly make no sense at all (this is not new to most of you of course)...but it could help fill the void in my heart and hopefully stop the rest of me from wanting something I can't have.

And if I talk long enough and loud enough, and keep doing so? I might even be able to stop myself from noticing and feeling that emptiness. (I didn't say the bullshit started tomorrow did I?)

Kinda sounds good in theory...to me anyway....whether it works in reality remains to be seen. So, I'm just warning you now, I could start going on and On and ON in here, ad.nauseum.

Brace yourself.
Monday, December 03, 2007

Say My Name, Say My Name...

I must mumble sometimes when I answer the phone at work. I'm not aware of it but the patients either have problems hearing, or I'm mumbling. Maybe it happens on Monday mornings more than any other day of the week? I must check that out...do some kinda survey.

Do you know...I will actually sing along with the radio all the way to work on a Monday or Thursday (early shifts), deliberatey to make sure my voice is 'warmed' up and awake?? I kid you not...I really do do that.

Anyway...I answer the phone..."Good Morning, Blah Medical Centre, Lisa speaking."

Those that don't ignore the fact that I've announced myself (or maybe they're not sure because of the mumble?)...will come back with "Oh, hello Liz"...or "Good morning Lesley".

I never correct them...just let them believe my name's something other than it truly is. What does it matter? They're not ringing to be friends with me are they? I've tried various ways of pronouncing "Lisa"...putting more emphasis on the first syllable..inflecting more on the second etc. Makes no difference, they still get it wrong.

This morning after a few false starts and being called Liz or Lesley one too many times...I told my co-worker that perhaps I should use my full name when answering the phone...Melissa. It's not a name that can be easily mistaken for something else right? (Noone else in my life calls me Melissa, but what the hell.)

You know what'll happen don't you? I'll punch the button, announce the surgery, give my full name, and someone will come back with..."Who?...Melissa?...oh, you must be new...What's happened to Lesley??!"
Saturday, December 01, 2007

Note to Self:

Always remember to pay more attention to which style of knickers one is wearing before attending the gym. Careful strategic planning is recommended. Do not just grab the first pair, willy nilly, out of the drawer without thinking clearly.

Making the correct underwear choice will ensure that one does not spend the entire 30 minutes on the treadmill wondering how many people there are working out on the row of cross-trainers directly behind one.

Which means one will avoid thinking about how many others are possibly aware that one's undies are riding up one's arse crack.

It will also stop one from wishing that nobody is using above-mentioned cross-trainers, and thus, one will not become obsessed about all the witnesses one could have, of one digging around in one's arse to extract wayward panties.

And for future reference...remember it can be a most uncomfortable experience to use the exercycle immediately after getting off the treadmill.

(When you have a bum as big as mine, g-strings are not a great idea...I prefer to try keeping it all together as much as possible. Those bloody things feel like dental floss I reckon lol.)