Friday, June 30, 2006

Do You Really Want to Know?

Back down there passed the puking kid post is an entry about what I got for my birthday. One of the books I received that day is called "Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini".

Honestly, that's the FULL title.

Let's get down to the whys and wherefores about mens nipples...I know you've all...well, many of you...yes alright, three of you have been waiting. Unfortunately it's not as fun-loving as expected, but science being what it is, has been known for taking some of the fun out of life, as brilliant as it may be.

So?...Why DO men have nipples?

Quote: "We are mammals and blessed with body hair, three middle ear bones, and the ability to nourish our young with milk that females produce in modified sweat glands called mammary glands. Although females have the mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the embryo. During development, the embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chomosome kicks in for a male embryo. The embryo then begins to develop all of it's male characteristics. Men are thus left with nipples and also with some breast tissue. Men can even get breast cancer and there are some medical conditions that can cause male breasts to enlarge. Abnormal enlargement of the breasts in a male is known as gynecomastia. Gynecomastia can be caused by using anabolic steroids. So, if your favourite athlete suddenly develops man boobs and starts winning medals then you know the reason why." Unquote.

It makes sense...but I was disappointed in some ways. I was hoping perhaps it was so that men could experience that special bonding with their babies...or at the very least know what it's like to have a nipple bitten once Junior cuts his/her first tooth. Afterall, we know it's possible that if the man's nipples are stimulated enough and in the right way, he can indeed produce milk right?

It's very cool to have it stated in the bible that Adam was created before Eve. But then I also think it's very cool to discover that scientifically, on the mother nature front....the female 'form' is the beginning of all human creation. Even if it IS for only 6 weeks and in an embryonic state. YEAH!

This abovementioned book is full of a variety of questions. I'm going to lay out a few for you here and you can pick which, if any, you'd be interested in me posting the answers to...or better yet, have a go at answering them yourself:

1. What's up with the ear hair? [under the 'Getting Older' section]
2. Do oysters really make you horny?
3. Why do you get the munchies when you are stoned?
4. Is sperm nutritious? Or fattening?
5. Why is poo brown? [yes, it really IS in the book]

I personally, don't think I'd need 3 martinis to be asking about ear hair, but there ya go. Some of us occasionally do need the extra dutch courage to ask or say certain things. But I can say without a doubt, that as much as I love my doctor to pieces and feel comfortable with him, I still would not have the balls to ask him question number 4.

And considering I'm a female, it's just as well I don't have a pair...not in the physical sense anyway.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006

10 Foot Tall and Bullet Proof?

I knew I was going to allow the boys to drink alcohol on Saturday night. They were amongst a group of responsible adults they both trusted, so there were plenty of us to keep an eye on what could happen. Ryan was drinking beer at a great rate of knots...Cameron, who dislikes beer, was drinking spirits and coke. Ryan knew he only had a small amount of time there...he'd worked earlier that evening at KFC and I had given him instructions that he was to get some grease in his stomach in case he decided to have a drink or two (hence the chicken bits involved in my previous post).

Cameron was working the following morning at we arrived early...Dad picked up Ryan from work and arrived at 8.45pm. I think Ryan made it his business to down as much as possible in the small window of opportunity he had. By 10.15 Cameron was telling me (as opposed to his usual asking) that we were going to be leaving shortly. Credit going to where it's due, Cameron is always very careful about what he gets up to, and how late he stays up the night before work.

Cameron probably drank as much, if not more than Ryan, but you'd not have known it so much. Cameron is tall and broad for his age, he's over 6 feet and weighs in at 90+ kilos. Still, he was in one of those merry, happy, kinda drunk moods...and more importantly he wasn't having trouble walking. I say that because I can't imagine how I could've possibly got Cam up to the house, were he in the same state as Ryan. And probably fighting me off all the way with "I can do it myself!"

Ryan is only about 60 kilos, he's of a much smaller build than his older brother, and approx 5'4". I could see Ryan was starting to wobble about a bit just sitting down. Standing up and walking appeared ok at first. He then announced he needed to go to the toilet..with Alice and I holding onto either side of him and realising he was trying to head for the downstairs loo...we both took one look at the steps and in chorus said "The upstairs one eh?" He was in there for a rather long time, the 3 of us (Alice, his father and I) standing vigil outside the door.

A plus for me that night, was seeing the look of concern on his father's face. He was definitely worried about his son. I really didn't expect him to be slapping him on the back and saying proudly "That's my boy!"...but even so, it reassured me to see that he was just as concerned as I was.

Getting Ryan outside and the fresh air was a different challenge altogther. Candice (Alice's 16 yr old daughter) managed to get Ryan into the back of the car, after having him lean all over her and wrap his arms around her announcing to yet another person that he loved them. She put his seatbelt have him fling it off again. She was thoroughly enjoying the events, Ryan was making her laugh so hard she was snorting. Finally having him belted in, and giving him an old plastic shopping bag in case of anything 'escaping', I drove off wondering what the hell I'd just allowed to happen.

Halfway home, in amongst his babble about texting his mate to tell him he was "wasted", he started hiccuping. That's when I knew if it didn't happen in the car, it was going to happen at some stage later on...I just wanted to get him home and out of the car before the upchuck came about. Lord knows how he thought he was going to be able to text anyone considering the shape he was in.

Safely home without incident, Cameron was out of the car and up the stairs at the door waiting for us, while I was busy trying to get Ryan up the steps outside the garage. He lurched forward and I thought he was going to do a face plant, thankfully his hands came out and stopped that from happening. He got up those steps on his hands and feet...the slight incline of the grassy verge to the house was like trying to get someone up Mount Everest.

That finally accomplished we had to start on the house steps...he clung to the railing as I helped steer him from behind. When we got to the top of those steps, he was still clinging to the railing....the railing on my balcony is less than desirable...the last thing I needed was for him to fall through and down about 12 feet. That freaked me out big time. I virtually threw him against the side of the house in desperation to avoid it ocurring. Poor's amazing he didn't wake the following day with bruises all over his body, from the way I was grabbing at him for fear of him constantly losing his balance.

After getting Ryan settled, I asked Cameron if he was ok. He replied "No, but I'll be ok by the morning." After the amount he had drunk that evening, his eyesight was out of focus apparently...yeah, we know what that's like eh? And what's more, he didn't like it one bit. He didn't like feeling that he didn't have complete control over what was going on with him and around him. After his initial intolerance of the way his younger brother was acting, and me asking him why he's able to cope with it better when his mates sometimes get to that stage, he became more understanding and helped out.

After all the writing I've done on here several months ago about when should I introduce alcohol into my teenagers' lives and how much and blah blah blah, I took a punt and let it happen. I know some of their mates are getting hammered and didn't want either of them to do that without a parent around if it got that far. This experience won't stop me from allowing them to drink, but it won't be happening at the same rate or with the same result if I can stop it. Both are still under the legal drinking age, both finding out what they can and can't cope with. It's our job as parents to help them discover this and be around if they mess it is in any aspect of their lives.

This Friday evening Cameron will be attending his college Prom...he's also going to the after-prom party at a friend's house around the corner. There will be alcohol, and he said he will text me when he's ready to come home. This will be at some unsavoury hour of the morning, but his father and I will always be prepared to get to where we need to be for our boys. Just as any parent would.

After dealing with Ryan last weekend, I'm thinking, when that text comes in from Cameron in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I'll be firing one back asking "Am I going to need your father's help?" Because if my oldest son is having trouble even the slightest bit with walking, I'm definitely going to need the extra help. Either that or he'll end up sleeping it off in the car lol

I don't think I've ever questioned my parenting skills so much as I have in the past 18 months. Yep, it can be a scary life being the mother of teenagers.

Someone pass me a kevlar vest.
Monday, June 26, 2006

Pass Me A Bucket

*1045pm Saturday evening*

I finally sat down trying to relax and feeling like I'd just completed a major undertaking. There was no feeling of satisfaction involved...only a sense of unrest...mentally questioning myself and wondering if I'd just fucked up with my parenting methods.

I heard the bed springs creak through the wall and my gaze moved swiftly to Cameron.

Me: "Oh God, he's on the move....*voice rising in panic* you think he's getting up?!"

We both stop breathing to listen intently...the silence in the lounge is defeaning...interrupted by an unusual sound from the nearby room....

Cameron: "Dunno, but I doubt it's a good sign"

Being a mother also gives me the responsibility of Private Investigator. I go to explore a realm of possibilities I've never set foot in before.

I open the bedroom door carefully to be greeted with the sound and stench of stomach contents re-entering the world the way they went down.


"Cameron?!" He comes running like the reliable wing man he is.

"Quick...get me a towel from the bathroom please...and a cold face cloth"

I squat down beside the bed in the dark, and gently try to take the bowl from my youngest son.

*arms locked around bowl in vice-like grip*

"Can you let go of the bowl for a moment honey?...just let go of the bowl, I'll be back with it shortly." ["Shit, let go and give me the freakin' bowl!"]

Ryan: *grunt...hoik...spit* "I'm ok...I'll be ok" *hoik....spit...grunt*

The precious bowl was half full of liquid...chewed up floating chicken and remnants of mashed up veges [why are there ALWAYS carrots involved???)]

He was holding on to that bowl like it was the anchor to his life-ship. The fact that he was actually hanging half off the bed at the time was of no consequence whatsoever to him.

I cleaned him up as best as I could (including the muck through his hair and the mucousy slime from his arms) and tried to settle him back down to sleep again...I couldn't even imagine being able to get him to the shower in that condition.

*Fast forward to 8am Sunday morning*

Sitting here minding my own business and having a good catch up with the lovely Fizzy via MSN, my conversation is abruptly interrupted by Ryan entering the lounge.

Ryan: " bed is all wet..."

Me: "Oh? you think you wet the bed while you were sleeping?" ["Oh for fuck sake, he's pissed the bed!"]

Ryan: "No, I think it was when I threw up last night, it didn't get all cleaned up properly"

Mentally I slapped my PI hat back on and wandered to his room calmly to scrutinize evidence.

There was no way I would've missed THAT had it been there the night before. With the cleaning up I was doing, I had to turn the light on - I could NOT have missed what I saw the following morning.

[Aaaww, fuuuuck]

More puke. Up the curtain...down the wall...all over the pillows.

More chicken...more veges....and certainly more liquid soaking into the mattress.

He'd thrown up again in his sleep without even knowing he'd done it.

Ryan: *shamefaced* "I'm sorry Mum"

Me: *sigh* "Oh well...not to worry....we've all done something similar at some stage"

I stripped the duvet, sheets and pillows off his bed, trying to avoid the regurgitated foodstuff hitting the carpet and pull it all into the hallway.

Gesturing for him to follow me, I entered the kitchen...reached into the cupboard, pulled out a clean pair of latex gloves and held them out to him.

"Pick off all the food....sponge off as much excess muck as you can, and then put it all in the washing machine."

He didn't bat an eyelid, just went ahead and did as he was told. The incredibly unfortunate thing was he didn't appear to be feeling the slightest bit seedy or even have a headache.

I sat there on Saturday night at a friend's birthday party, watching both my teenagers playing drinking card games. Several times I felt compelled to step in and halt the flow down their throats. Each time pulling back with the thought, that it was going to happen sometime, better that their father and I were around to pick up the pieces of what was hopefully going to be a valuable lesson.

My son and I both got an education that night.

Ryan learned that he can say "I luff youuu" several times to several different people, regardless of whether he knew them or not.

And I learned how utterly useless apple-scented air freshener can be.
Friday, June 23, 2006

Happy Birthday... me! Whoot!
(Don't know why I'd sound so excited about getting older, sheesh)

Besides, it was yesterday lol.

Firstly, thank you for your comments on the post below and your well wishes for me getting better. I'm back at work and feeling much better, just not quite 100%, but then I'm not sure I've ever been a total 100% anyway, so no loss there. lol

Yep. 41 years old now. It's certainly been an interesting 12 months. Good times, bad times and lots of times in between. I won't wax lyrical on that, I already went there a couple of weeks ago in "Twists of Fate" nuff said.

I was thinking of taking the day off from work on my birthday, but to the honest, I probably wouldn't have known what to do with myself and would've likely spent the entire morning in bed. If I'd done that I wouldn't have been at work to accept the lovely bunch of flowers the staff gave me. So it worked for me. lol

Yesterday morning around 7am, Ryan came into my bedroom, handed me a small packet..."Happy Birthday Mum...I'm going back to bed"....I ended up following him back there and sitting on the end of his bed as I opened it. He gave me a pair of beautiful gold/white gold, heart shaped earrings. They're beautiful and I love them. Not a bad idea to 'train' the kid to buy me jewellery...however I do need to work on his delivery. lol He told me that he was paranoid that I would go into his room and have a big clean out and find the earrings. Now I know why whenever I made even the smallest comment about the mess in his room, I'd find him mucking things out almost immediately. lol

Picture 287

Cameron, like me, has also been unwell, and as such was home for the day from school. When I got home from work, he had vacuumed the lounge, the washing machine was going and the kitchen was spotless (apparently there was slight panic involved at one stage because the electricity went out in the street for over an hour lol). He gave me (in typical Cameron giftyness), a set of Logitech speakers for my PC, that included a subwoofer that sits on the floor, vibrating at my feet. They're fabulous and I have to say I'm rather impressed with the sound quality.

Picture 285

Went out for dinner last night. It was comfortable and relaxing and I received some more lovely presents...including a book called "Why do men have nipples?". You'll be hearing about some of that in upcoming posts I think, there are certainly some interesting questions in this book. Last weekend I discovered we actually have a "Dennys" in New far as I'm aware, it's the only one so far....and of course that's where I wanted to go for dinner. I've read about it so many times on various blogs throughout my blogroll, I just HAD to go there didn't I? lol

I also received a box of lovely goodies from Magpie. The parcel arrived the day before and I waited until 6.30am the following day to open it. Toffee of course lol...a thriller/murder mystery book, a giant English flag (yay!) and other bits and pieces. All individually wrapped. Now that Mags is on holiday I have no way to say thank you for her generosity, so if anyone knows of a way, via text message or whatever, please let me know, I'd really appreciate it.

I felt spoilt, and had a lovely day...was home and in bed by 10pm and slept right through til 7.20am. Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty good today due to all that sleeping.

I have been around in blogland in the past week or so, you just may not have seen me...I've barely commented anywhere, but I've been reading, just not made it as obvious as usual. I'm going to try to remedy that this weekend by making my mark all over the place, so beware! lol

Thank you for continuing to read me and I wish you all a lovely day/night.
Monday, June 19, 2006

Snot Nosed and Absent

I haven't been around much lately...I don't mean I haven't been at home (although I have been out and about as well), I just haven't been in here much and around my blogroll this weekend. Very little.

And although I've been sorta busy, I've also not been very well. Nothing major, just a flu'y kinda common cold thing. Enough to make me feel sorry for myself and enough to make me a coughy, snotty human being that's no fun to be in close quarters with. Also enough to have me leaving work before my shift was over this morning, coming home, getting straight into the shower and then into bed...felt like bliss.

Sunday morning I got a phone call from a dear friend of mine in Louisiana. Kenny was ringing on his way home in the truck with two of his daughters. He put me on speaker phone and I had a quick chat with the girls. I told them that Cameron would be attending his first Prom in a couple of weeks (didn't know that did you? Yes indeedy folks, MY BOY IS GOING TO THE PROM!!)...Kirsty (13) yells out from the background "I'll go with him!" lol.

During the course of the conversation Kenny tells me how much into World of Warcraft he is...I respond by saying that Cameron also plays a fair bit. Thus Kenny tells me where Cameron can find him and on what server etc (blah blah blah is about what I heard, yall know I aint got no clue about this game right?).

"On the Horde Side" is where Cam can find Kenny if he's of a mind. And once my boys heard that this evening, they raced off to the kitchen and came back yelling "TO THE HORDE!" looking like this:

and this:

Apparently it's the done thing. But then what would I know?

I also received this via email today...had a good laugh and thought to share it with you in case you had a troublesome neighbour you wanted to have the last word with.


I hope to get around and catch up on what's been happening in your worlds...just can't promise it will be in the next couple of days. I apologise for not responding to the rest of the comments on the post below, I'm really just not up to it. Once the snot stops dripping from my nose, my eyes stop watering and I'm comfortable being upright...

I'll be back.
Friday, June 16, 2006

What Happened to the Handbag?

There was a rugby game last weekend...between the All Blacks (New Zealand) and Ireland...for quite some time, Ireland were in the lead, and it took a while (well into the second half) before New Zealand finally got in the lead and stayed there. In the last few minutes of that game the young lady pictured below, streaked across the field in her bikini, holding a handbag.


More background...a few weeks previously, a rugby final was played between Wellington and Canterbury....Canterbury won. Later that evening one of the Wellington players (also an All Black), grabbed a womens handbag at a bar where they were drinking and hit a fellow team member with it to 'settle him down'...he hit him hard enough to smash the cellphone that was in the bag. The owner of said handbag put it up for auction the following day on TradeMe (NZ's version of e-bay). The bag sold for over $21,000!

Back to the streaking woman. Apparently streaking across a rugby game was on her "to-do" list before she died (like that's on ALL our to-do lists right?). Course, she was grabbed by security and carted off to deal with the consequences. Apparently, only due to legal costs involved in those consequences (approx $3600) the bikini went up for auction on TradeMe...I don't know what the final bid was, but it was at least $1200.

This young woman's ex-something (still in question exactly what he was to her), has hired a lawyer and wants the proceeds of that auction because his credit card bought the bikini originally. He also apparently lavished 'gifts' on her up to the amount of $82,000 in the brief time that they were together. This 'together' may have only been in HIS head, because SHE says that he was only trying to convince her to have a relationshp with him by buying her things. He states that he spent approx $7,000 on her each week during that time. Good God.

So this poor sucker was spending shitloads of money on her, and she apparently still refused to be his 'girlfriend', yet she accepted the gifts anyway. Including approximately $30,000 worth of cosmetic surgery ($13,500 for breast implants alone). My best mate had a breast reduction, and her tits are still bigger, not to mention better looking!

Here's a brief news items regarding the 'fun' plus another photo of her...being carried off the field by a security guard who doesn't look too unhappy that he's got his arms around her. She's the single parent of an 18-month old child (not knocking single parents here), she's an ex-stripper (not knocking them either) and her attitude leaves a hell of a lot to be desired (knock knock). Or am I being too judgemental?

Surely if you're giving someone a present you can't expect to get it back, that's just my way of thinking. It's a gift...doesn't that mean that it's given freely for the recipient to enjoy? Not for you to snatch back when you feel pissed off at them.

And if you're not the least bit interested in having a relationship of any kind with someone, surely you would never accept such expensive gifts. Unless you were selfish and wanted the gifts regardless of thought to what was expected of you from the giving party.

Who do you think has less brain cells in this pathetic scenario? The woman that continued to accept these gifts freely and apparently give nothing in return? Or the man that continued to lavish them upon her thinking his money was well spent and would work to his benefit?

As far as I'm concerned, if you're not prepared to play the game, get off the friggin' field.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Avoiding the Quick Step

I practically hibernate during the Winter. I shut down and stay inside as much as possible. Not a lot of socialising is to be had at all. I sit here and read your blogs, not always commenting because my hands haven't quite warmed up yet to type easily.

My youngest son, Ryan (15), has just started his first ever part time job. Cameron (16) as some of you will be aware, has been working at the local bakery over the weekends, since he was 13 years old. It's tough work and he still complains that he doesn't enjoy it, but he certainly enjoys having the money. He starts at 6am, usually finishing around 12 or 1pm. He still doesn't have his driver's license, so his father or I drop him off at that ungodly hour of the morning.

As of today, Ryan will be on his fourth day as a trainee working for Kentucky Fried Chicken....not the best place for a son to be employed when his mother is attempting to lose weight lol. So far he seems to be enjoying it. His hours have been varied...and at the moment I am leaving the house more than I'd like to in this cold. Dropping Cam at work at 6am, picking him up after midday. Back out again at 3pm to drop off Ryan, and then collecting him at around 9pm.

Now Cameron's been asked by KFC, if he would please consider working there two nights a week. They need the extra help with the night shift and the clean up at the end of the evening. I wasn't overly happy to hear about it, but he's assured me that it will not interfere with his studies and I trust him. I've also told him that should I see a decline in his grades, he'll be outta there faster than you can say "Would you like to upsize that?" I may have to quit my own job just to accommodate the comings and goings of my childrens working life.

Lots of changes this year, and lots of different steps to deal with, regardless of whether I feel like it or not at this point. And speaking of steps, there seems to be a lot of them in my life lately, and not always in a positive way.

The other day I roasted a leg of lamb on the BBQ for the time it was cooked and ready to add to the rest of what I'd put together for dinner, it was pitch black outside. I went down the steps to get to the BBQ and promptly fell because I couldn't see where I was going. Not so bad, the landing was soft but wet. I twisted my ankle but nothing major, so all was fine and dinner was lovely.

A few days later we left the house to drop the boys off at school and I almost fell on the steps leading down to the garage. The top two were covered in ice...I did a rather interesting skating dance to keep myself upright while Cameron told me to "Just stop sliding Mum!" in an exasperated tone, like I had control over my feet. Pfft.

Last weekend I borrowed my ex-husband's water blaster and had a go at the steps outside the laundry door. There's no guttering along that side of the house yet and the stairs were green and slippery...yet another accident zone. Now that they're clean the weather's done nothing but rain, so I haven't had a chance to use them.

"Change is as good as a holiday" they say. I'd agree in some circumstances...but sometimes, just would be lovely to keep still and not have to deal with the different steps in life that we all go through. It's a comfort zone thing for me. And while I'm all for my children feeling independent by earning their own money, and taking on the extra responsibility, I wish that didn't mean my car was forever going in and out of it's garage.

It's all progress of steps. It'd be good to think that moving along each step, did not actually make me feel I'm possibly taking a risk when I place my foot upon the next one.
Monday, June 12, 2006

On the Ball

See this?

Looks like a cute bouncy ball doesn't it?

Like something you'd throw around a beach or a park? sure looks like something you could have some fun with.

Well, I'm here to tell you it's not.

It's actually an instrument of torture.

Who knew??

Not me.

Not until I managed to stop my kids kicking it and throwing it around the lounge that is.

And then...after spending time falling off it, sweating all over it, sliding down the sides and having it slip out from underneath me...

...I discovered, yet again, things are not always as they seem.

I'm finding that out a fair bit lately.

I hate when that happens.
Sunday, June 11, 2006

It's A....Pudge!

One of our blog friends has just had an adorable baby boy...Pudge, he's been called over the past few months. He's 8 weeks early, weighing in at 4 pounds, 1.5 ounces and has certainly made sure he arrived with great fanfare!

As some of you may know, Heather has had some difficulties during this pregnancy, especially nearer the end, and we have all been watching her with bated breath for the next update on what's happening.

I'd love it if you could find a moment to drop over there and congratulate her on a job well done. It definitely hasn't been an easy road these past few weeks for her and her family.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Shift Change and Hand Over

Thank you all so much for the lovely comments you gave on my previous post. It was wonderful reading them and finding that so many of you are able to relate to what I've said on here at times.

This morning I sat down and replied to each comment. After saying on my "Letter C" post that I almost always answer my comments, it would be extremely bad taste of me not to wouldn't it? lol And seeing as it took me a good 45 minutes to finish them all, I'd appreciate it if you went back down there and read my responses, if you haven't already (there's no promise that they're filled with wisdom, just that it took me a while to do them lol)

...go on....I'll wait...

ok, now that you're back, I'm going to ask you a question. This was brought on by something I heard on the radio yesterday. Do you think there's a specific period of time that one should wait before starting a new relationship? I mean, after the end of your last relationship, or God forbid, the death of a partner? The radio station put this question out to their listeners. And I only managed to hear a couple of the callers' answers. One lady in particular mentioned her grandmother. The dear lady had been married for 55 years...after her husband passed on, his wife was remarried again only a short while later. I can't remember the exact amount of time, but it was less than 3 months.

Do YOU think there is a 'recommended' (for want of a better word) space of time, that you should wait between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another? Personally, I would think it would depend entirely on how that relationship ended, who ended it, and whether you felt ready to get back into another. When it comes to the above grandmother, and the shock she caused the rest of her family, she told them, that at her age, she realised we only get one crack at this life and it was best to make the most of the time she had left in it. I can understand her reasoning and admire her way of thinking.

For us younger beings...what if we're still grieving that loss? What if we're not ready to trust another with our hearts? Or do we continue on into the next one because we're trying to fill a void in our lives? We're lonely and feel the need for companionship. Is that selfish of us? By stepping too soon into the next, could it mean we are short-changing our new love interest? Afterall, have we REALLY come to terms with what happened with the previous one yet? We may think we're ready to move on....but should we perhaps take stock of the past, give those wounds the attention they deserve/need and THEN we may be able to give of ourselves to another without holding back?

I don't believe this means we should shut down and stop enjoying the company of the opposite sex because we're not interested or ready to go down that committed path quite yet. I think it's always good to sit back and reflect on what you had in the past, what went wrong, embrace all that felt wonderful during it and learn from it...hopefully using those experiences to enrich any future relationship you may have.

I also believe that if you feel right about it and everything it means to you feels so bloody is it possible that it could be wrong? If it doesn't feel right, then why waste your time? Not only do you short-change the person you become involved with, but you short-change yourself. We really should not 'settle' for something we CAN have, because we feel we're now UNABLE to have what we REALLY want. Regardless of whether you feel it's alright, and that it COULD be ok for the two of this age, you're also aware of what the REALLY good stuff feels like aren't you? I like to think I'm always very careful about where I lay my heart and who I'm allowing the privilege of holding it....because that's exactly what it is. It's a privilege for anyone to be the holder of our hearts, just as it is a privilege to us, that they trust us enough to hand their hearts over.

Furthermore...who actually thinks they have the RIGHT to tell us how long we should or should not be on our own before we take up that particular gauntlet and run with it again? We are all individuals...unique beings...we all react in different ways to different situations. What's good for you, may not work for me and vice versa.

Ok, that was a question, followed by a truckload of more questions. I don't expect you to answer each and every one of them lol. I'd just like to know if YOU think there is a suitable time period after the end of a relationship, before taking down our mental "STOP!" signs and allowing another person to get so close to us again.

Your thoughts?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Twists of Fate

This year has certainly been an interesting one for me...and we're only half way through it. It's been 6 months of changes and more can be nasty looking at yourself in the mirror and pulling away each layer to see what makes up the person you really are beneath. At times I've found that I may not be the person I originally thought I was. That's not an easy thing to swallow. It's a work in progress.

I've written about many subjects here. I've written about the daily experiences with my teenagers and how they affect me, how they teach me to be a better parent/person. At times this journey through parenthood has been a slow lazy ride full of contentment and pride...other times I've been catapulted break-neck speed into a shark infested ocean. If I can manage to keep my head above water I feel I'm doing ok. The role of Mother and Mum has been and always will be, the most satisfying and fulfilling position I could ever possibly hold.

I've been involved in a very public internet love relationship. If you've been around long enough, you would've read about the various aspects of this in the initial 12 months of my blog life...the highs and lows. My life in that respect has been an open book. Things are not always what they appear, and as you're aware, it didn't turn out the way either of us expected. Dealing with the backlash and the hurt from that, not to mention the double-standards, is more than I'm prepared to go through again. I feel sure I shall not be writing so personally about any future relationship I have again.

I've given you my thoughts and feelings on life as I view it. I can be very dogmatic at times, venting my opinions and frustrations on anyone who cares to read me. I can also be very wistful and type a lot of fantasy-filled folly. I have written about some particularly painful experiences in my past, one specifically that will always be in the back of mind. I have sat here and laughed at myself as I've written...I've cried while I've written....I've punched the letters on the keyboard with fury when I'm angrily writing about a subject I feel so strongly about.

I have shared my victories and defeats with you. I have celebrated your triumphs...cried at reading the pain you go through....wanted to hold your hand to help you through the dark times...wanted to pour you a shot of tequila and slap you on the back and yell "You Rock!" I have been drawn automatically to the warmth and support of you, wanting to know you better...wanting to be part of your households, wishing I could spend more time in your company. From wanting to give you a life of fluffy leaning down and kissing the ground beside you.

What spurred me to write this today? My birthday is coming up again shortly....turning another year older (41) has me reflecting on the past 12 months and the changes I've gone through...the changes that you've gone through with me. I wanted to say thank you to all those that have been reading me...thanks for putting up with me...thanks for being here when I needed you....and thanks for allowing me to look into the windows of your lives.

"Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff" ?

Life is made up of thousands of small things that happen to us...things that can snowball into bigger things. Scary things, wondrous things...things that can be tossed aside because we feel they're not significant, not worth getting upset up about....things we hold close to our chests and jump up and down yelling excitedly "LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT!!".

But...those highs and lows, victories and defeats, celebrations and them whatever you like...however small or large...

...they're all relevant.
Monday, June 05, 2006

"5 Things" Meme

The next meme I was tagged for was the "5 things" meme. I was tagged by Poet and Jo. Now you can see how very organised things are (or are not) in my life.

Five things in my fridge:

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1. Weight Watchers cottage cheese with chives - honestly, do you think I'm actually going to finish this pot? I don't like the stuff that much and try my best to use it in a combination I can't taste the stuff.
2. Nail polish - I've always kept this in the door of the refrigerator, apparently it lasts longer...that's the theory anyway.
3. Eggs - I have to cut down on these, I've been eating far too many of them lately.
4. Mushrooms, tomatoes, carrots, mandarins, apples (thanks sis)
5. A leg of lamb to roast for when the boys arrive home from their Dad's tonight. I like to use my BBQ to roast on so I don't have to think about the mess it's doing to my oven. It's so much easier to roast it on the BBQ. It's been pouring with rain the last couple of days, so I don't know if that's going to be possible tonight.

Five things in my wardrobe/closet:

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1. Old clothes packed in a couple of bags jammed in the top of my wardrobe...I should either sell these on TradeMe or throw them in the goodwill bin.
2. Shoes, some in boxes; some all over the floor.
3. The kiwi sex toy in it's little 'toolbox' on the top shelf, never used.
4. My softball mitt and batting glove - dormant, because I no longer play.
5. Ironed (pfft) shirts that belong to both boys, because neither have them can get to their own wardrobes easily, so they end up hanging in mine.

Five things in my handbag (purse):

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1. Keys for car, house, flat downstairs and a couple I have no idea what they're for.
2. My 2006 diary...don't go anywhere without it (that kinda makes me sound organised by I'm sure you can judge by the top two pictures, I'm certainly not)
3. My address book....telephone numbers, addresses and email addys of just about anyone I've come in contact with.
4. Christian Dior lipstick - no. 001 "Violet Tattoo"
5. My wallet, generally bulging with coins...never bulging with notes.

I shant be tagging anyone, but certainly feel free to take up the "5 things" baton if you wish.

I've barely been around much lately, I'm struggling to find time to read you all at the moment, let alone write myself. I did start to wonder if my blogrolling *'s weren't pinging properly, but then realised that maybe people just aren't writing as much as they used to...dunno.

It's a national holiday here today in New Zealand....celebrating the Queen's birthday. I love having long weekends. Funny thing that we don't have it the same weekend as the English, afterall she's more their Queen than ours, and they would know wouldn't they? lol

I hope you've all had a lovely weekend :)
Friday, June 02, 2006

Introducing...the Letter C...My Way

A couple of weeks ago I took up the challenge of doing the "Letter" meme from Magpie's site. She kindly gave me the letter C to work with. My understanding of this meme is to take that letter C and give you a list of 10 things that relate to me and my life. Here we go then...

Chocolate: Not a HUGE chocolate fan personally. Except at certain times of the month, when I get a craving to have that sweetness. Funnily enough, with all the PMS I've been experiencing over the past months I don't have the urge to chomp my way through a king size block of Cadburys. Dunno why, don't care...just happy I don't have to be getting rid of yet another all-consuming vice lol

Crush: My first crush was on a young man at primary school called Sam. He was in the deaf unit, which was mainstreamed into my classroom...we had 6 deaf pupils in our class. He was gorgeous and kind and had no idea I was goo goo eyed about him. We were 7 years old at the time. Several years later, I spoke with him again....across the reception counter at the surgery I work for. He's gay and his life partner is just as gorgeous as he is. I don't believe he remembers who I am, and I don't plan to tell him.

Childbirth: Two of the most phenomonal life changing moments of my career as a woman. Cameron, I laboured for 4 hours to achieve, Ryan for 3 hours. Now I have two rather large trophies that mess my house up and empty my pantry continuously. They suck my bank balance dry, cause me no end of worry and sometimes stress, but they're oh SO worth it. Some days I'd like to lock them in the basement (they are teenagers afterall), other days I can't get enough of spending time with them. Regardless of any negative matters I have to deal with, I am still VERY proud to be their mother. Always will be.

Caffeine: Not in coffee as such...but the energy drink V. This pale green and sweet, fizzy energy drink has almost been the bane of my life in the past 2 years. Last year I managed to go almost 6 months without having one. This year I'm back to drinking V on a daily basis again. When I came home from Canada in 2004 (where they don't have V), Cameron was waiting for me at the airport with a V in his hand.

Picture 007

The high caffeine content in V is bad bad BAD for my blood pressure, and while there's no fat in it, there's plenty of the V's gotta go. I'm on day number 2 lol

Cigarettes: The biggest and most dangerous vice I have, not to mention the most disgusting. Lately with me thinking about the change in my eating plan, stopping smoking is the last thing entering my head. One of the nurses at work has finally stopped hounding me to be the guinea pig for her "Quit It" programme. I know it's definitely an issue I will have to address, and the financial cost could certainly be put to better use. I smoke tobacco that I roll myself, I have to use one of those little rolling machines. My dumbass thinking, is that tobacco has less chemicals and therefore I am smoking in the healthiest way possible. Yes I know, I can hear you.

Choices: We make decisions in our lives on a daily basis. Whether it be what we're having for dinner, whether we'll hang out the washing today...right up to career paths and home buying etc. We make these choices knowing there are consequences...every action has a reaction and all that. The choices I make may not always be the right ones, but they're MY choices and it's ME that has to deal with the consequences. Sometimes I don't like those consequences, but it's how I've learnt about the person I am and my life in general. I seem to have been on a self-awareness education frenzy this year so far.

Cooking: I'm not a keen cook I'm afraid. I can cook some really yummy dishes, but I have to be in the right mood to do that. Being on a diet does not make me want to get into the kitchen at children have learnt to become self-sufficient in this regard. Anytime I actually feel enthusiastic about cooking, it's usually something I shouldn't be eating lol

Confrontations: I'm no good at these. I become a coward when dealing with difficult issues. I step back and shut down to avoid thinking about them. I feel I need that time to regroup my thoughts and adjust myself to whatever's happening. It's not the best way to deal with things, but I guess it has the smell of 'self preservation' coming from it. I should face them head on and address them as soon as possible, so I can move on...I'm working on this.

Cut: I need a haircut. It only occurred to me the other day that I haven't been to see my hairdresser since December. Years ago and before the boys were born (aka extra-money-times) I would get my hair done every 6 weeks. I don't think I've ever managed to go almost 6 months before, and yet I haven't even thought about it til recently. Anyway, it's something else I'll be sorting out pretty soon's starting to drive me potty falling across my face all the time. If I'm not careful, I'll get to the point where I'm so hacked off with it, I'll just chop the lot off...which would not be an attractive look at all lol.

Comments: Well, replying to comments is what I wanted to mention. Some people respond directly to the commenter's email address...some, like me, reply in the comments section itself. I was wondering if it's worth continuing to do that. I mean, do you come back to read my response? or am I just boosting my own comment numbers? I like to acknowledge that you've commented, and sometimes I'll deliberately leave information out of my post (I really DO try to make them smaller you know lol). I can always mention it when replying to the comments that get posted. What say you oh fabulous commenters?? Any preferences?


Anyone interested in having a play with this meme themselves, let me know in the comments section and I will assign you a letter lucky-dip style.

I have another meme to finish (course I have to start it first). It's the "5 things" one. I was tagged by Poet and Jo and will work on it once I have wiped out my fridge, organised my wardrobe (closet) and cleaned out my handbag. I know that sounds like it could be a while coming because I'm such a mucky buggar, but I'll do my best to get that done as soon as I can.

Hope you're all enjoying your days/nights!