Sunday, July 30, 2006

A Peep at Cybering

Update: I've just realised that I put the wrong code into the Peeps link, both in the paragraph below AND in the sidebar, doh! No wonder it's come up saying I have no referrals pfft. Anyway, in the true blog whore fashion, I ask if you would be so kind as to click back on the link below again so we can try and keep me on the front page for at least 1 more day? lol I really gotta get my shit sorted on here *sigh*

I've made the front page of 25Peeps.com today, and should anyone come here from that website, I've reposted this to give them something more interesting(?) to read lol. Click on the link to view some very intriguing photos on this site, some very creative ones and then others that are just plain crazy. I suspect my regular readers will know which photo is mine straight away, but if not, try and guess. Or better yet, add yourself to the Peeps gallery, it's REALLY simple! (otherwise I'd not bother having a go myself lol)

Jenni's Guide to Great(?) Cybersex

Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex please make sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of the room at the time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major holiday when your in-laws are in attendance.) It really gets difficult explaining what you are doing undressing in front of the computer, drooling out of one corner of your mouth, moaning and groaning while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.

For men, before you begin, please check that your modem protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard. it will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.

For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as, sweat pants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, t-shirt with stains on the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or be used for a parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner you are wearing a thong, garter belt with black stockings, and your best wonderbra, (the one that has everything pulled up so high your belly button is under your chin), and a pair of high heels. We don't have want to destroy that myth that all women dress that way when we sit down at the computer.

Although I truly wear these things each and every time i sit in front of my computer. (It does seem to cause a bit of a commotion at the office but I have certainly worked my way up the ranks in the company.) As for what the man should be wearing, we all know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.

If a cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from straddling your monitor, there are many potential emergency room stories to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the many years of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this sordid affair with your 15" screen.

If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your wisdom teeth because you were bored, would rather read the instructions on how to set the time on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure the light still works when you open the door, and last but not least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to stop monotony.

When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your spelling before you send that embarrassing typo. i.e. "Oh baby, let me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your hot, wet posse" (kinda puts a western slant on things) or "Oh baby, you have such a big coke", (hope you go the supersized fries with burger with that). "That's it baby, show me that beautiful clint" (go ahead, make my day), and the proverbial "oh fork me hard".

Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting your "coke" in one place, when your cyberpartner had just typed that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering and really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female counterpart, just pretend you got bumped offline. That always works and at least she won't take it so personally. Please refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out".

Once both cyberpartners have been satisfied, or faked satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking cyberorgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean "thank God it's over" or "THANK YOU" because you truly had a wonderful time.

If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured into ever having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to pester you, it's proper etiquette to just bump yourself offline, or just say "Huh? I never got your message". Nobody needs to suffer a really bad cyber twice.

Last, but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while having it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes burn. Realise that you may be addicted if your real life partner walks by naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still trying to keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be jest as nice with a partner you know. And just for variety, when your right hand gets tired, try dating your left hand for something different.

***

I found this many years ago when I first got connected to the internet...actually I didn't find it, a good friend of mine did. I wouldn't want you all thinking I was hunting around trying to find how to cyber lol Besides I was far too innocent back then. It was the internet that corrupted me, don't you know!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Making Sacrifices

My apologies for not being around so much this week. I've been busy emptying cupboards and slowly getting some order back into my surroundings. For the most part I know what I'm up to and where I'm at...but my house is on the small side and has basically no storage area, so clutter gets in the way. Which frustrates me...thus, the control feels less than adequate in my mind.

Some of you may have noticed via stat counters that I have been out and about, around the blog world, reading you, but not commenting so much at the moment. I'll try to recitify that this weekend as much as I can.

In February last year I posted a short 'story' that I read in the book "Chicken Soup for the Soul". You may have seen it already (that series of books is very popular afterall), but this one tale in particular always helps to bring a little perspective back into my way of thinking. I choose to share it with you again today.

I hope you enjoy it.

***

"So you think I'm courageous?" she asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Perhaps I am. But that's because I've had some inspiring teachers. I'll tell you about one of them.

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Standford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liza who was suffering from a rare disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liza'.

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in a bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor, he thought he was going to have to give her ALL his blood.

"Yes, I've learned courage," she added, "because I've had inspiring teachers."

***

Thank you all for being my inspiration with your writing...and thanks for continuing to read me and comment on my site.

I trust that those of you who are sweltering in the summer get the chance to keep cool, and those that are freezing their hineys off in the winter are keeping themselves warm.

Happy weekend everyone *mwah!*
Monday, July 24, 2006

Trying to Control Myself

There are many things I've not asked in the past because I didn't want to hear the answers. I took it upon myself to assume I knew what the answer was going to be and never afforded the other person even the courtesy of a response. I was too scared to hear the answer. Because if what I had assumed was to be true, then things would change in a way I didn't want them to.

If I had not been such a fraidy-cat of finding out the answers to those pressing questions, several things in my life would be different now. Do I regret that I never asked the questions that were bashing against the inside of my head? I can't. To regret them would mean I would not have had so many wonderful feelings and experiences come my way.

Should I have asked those questions in the first place? Yes. To ask them would have cleared my head to make way for the next process. I would know for certain that it was either going to happen or it wasn't. If I loved someone and told them how I felt....then asked how they felt about me, I would know one way or the other. If I crashed and burned...eventually I would adjust to that and move on.

I'm not talking about giving someone the third degree and making them feel like they're taking part in the Spanish Inquisition. I'm talking about taking charge of the burning questions. The ones that could change the volume of your happiness. The ones that can hurt like crazy if the answer is not what you want. The ones that define your role, whatever that may be, in that person's life.

There are some things that we don't HAVE to know for us to continue being happy and contented individuals. But when it comes to love and friendship, it is always better to know. We need to ask those questions that plague our minds, and we need to allow others to give their true answers. If that reply is in the negative for us, then we need to respect that that's the way they feel, just as they should be respectful of how we feel.

Of course none of this will stand the test of time, if you're not given an honest answer. I also think that if you don't believe that person's being honest, then you get a 'twinge' of sorts. It's your gut instinct kicking in. You know it, you feel it. But you take it because it's what you want and sometimes you decide that you will take whatever is given, because it's better than the alternative.

Is it? Is it really? Do you truly believe that a smidgeon of a possibility is better? Do you love this person so much that you're prepared to take only the crumbs of what they choose to give to you? If we do this, not only are we cheating ourselves and losing self-respect...but we discredit the unique and special beings that we are...and everything we have to offer.

In the last 6 months I have said the words "This is not working for me" on three occasions. Twice earlier this year to the same person, and then once again yesterday to another. Quite different situations and for very different reasons. I felt I was as honest and open as I could be about the whys and why-nots of my decision on both counts. I am tired of being in situations where I am uncomfortable and feeling awkward. I chose to remove myself from that space. I have tried to do this at least twice recently and still allowed myself to be pulled back in, due to strong affinities and loyalty to friendship. Again I found myself squirming and feeling that others around me were also uncomfortable. Enough is enough.

We can't always be strong and hold our heads up day after day shielding ourselves and our children from all the crap the world chucks at us. We're allowed our moments of vulnerability....permitting ourselves to feel vulnerable and show it, is a strength in itself. It's ok to be cautious...it's ok to be indecisive and weigh up as many pros and cons of any given situation. It's natural...it's human.

There is already plenty of uncertainty in our lives. There are so many things we can't control that are happening around us in this world. This is something we can control. To quote a few well worn cliches...we are the masters of our own destiny....life is what you make of it....you reap what you sow.

This post is not pointed at any one particular person, although it has been sparked off from the comments on the one below.

Nan, I'm glad you spoke to your friend and got some answers. I'm not sure you got as many as you wanted or that you were satisfied enough with his response. But you made the move to bring some of your thoughts out into the open with him, and perhaps from there you can move on to shaking off some of the frustration you have been feeling recently. Sometimes we jump straight in, feet first, open our mouths and drop bombshells. Other times we take baby steps...cautiously drawing it out. And why wouldn't we? There's always a lot at stake with affairs of the heart, be it love interests or best friends. The important thing is it's out there to be considered, to whatever conclusion. I hope the result works in favour of what you both are looking for.

As for your last comment and the question of "But where ARE you?". My answer to that is...as of today...I'm exactly where I want and need to be. *smile*
Saturday, July 22, 2006

In Sickness and Health...

I really must remember that when I write about a controversial or deep-seated subject that you are all going to make my brain work harder when faced with your comments the following day (due to the time zone, most of my commenting happens while I'm fast asleep at night lol). I always forget that.

It's kinda like years ago before they came out with instant oven cleaners. You know, you would spray the oven with great enthusiasm at night - leave it to do it's magic...only to get up the next day and realise you had to tackle the tough stuff. This is otherwise known as 'following through'. And like you lot, an oven is not something you can put in the "Too Hard" basket lol.

You've always been so terrific with your commenting and bringing up different angles to view many situations from. My previous post is no exception. I know there are married people out there that are actually aware their partners are having affairs. For whatever reasons of their own, they choose to turn a blind eye.

From the ego thing coupled with boredom...people being lonely or looking for excitment...and the pressures of today's society etc. I guess some of it comes down to dealing with any insecurities you may have...and helping your partner work through any they may have. Noone said a committed relationship was easy, it's tough work as you know. It takes a fair amount of time and effort to keep your partner happy and letting them know how much you love them.

Some would say that they shouldn't need to continually tell them...they should just know it anyway. And to a certain extent I agree. You show someone how much you love and respect them with words and actions. Lots of the little things make such a difference. After a length of time of both parties not showing this toward each other, I guess it's no wonder that some people start getting frustrated and look elsewhere.

We all like to think we've still 'got it' ya know? It's exhilerating to know that we're still sexy and desirable and someone wants to rip our clothes off and ravish us in every way possible. Regardless of how bad we look in our ratty trackpants, hair all over the place, baby spit on our shirts, grease smudged on our faces etc....we still want to know these things nonetheless.

This is a HUGE subject and I could write about it for pages and pages, but I'm no expert obviously. I was divorced after spending 15 years of my life with the same man. What would I know? I chose to separate from my husband and go it alone. For the most part it's worked pretty well for both of us now. It's easy for me to say you need to work harder at nuturing your relationship...I don't have anything to work on at the moment.

I'm going to stop this now because I'll get out of hand and be contradicting myself back and forth just on this one subject again. In closing I'd like to draw your attention to Nan's comment in particular from yesterday's post. You're all so brilliant at offering advice and sharing your experiences I thought you may be able to lend a hand here.

"Ok, I've been reading your blog for a while and love it. So since this is a post about sex and the consequences of sex....

do you mind if I post a general question?

I went to bed with a friend the other night. It wasn't the right thing to do. Neither of us stated our intentions clearly.

I fell asleep of the couch. He put a blanket over me. I woke up and he said I could sleep in bed with him. So I did.

Not the smartest thing to do.

Truth? I wanted to be held and I should have said so. I have wondered what it would be like to have sex with him. But it wasn't what should have happen.

I'm not comfortable.

I don't think he is either.

So here's the question -

I want to salvage the friendship and lay the foundation for an open talk about whether we can or should be more than friends.

Reasonable or unrealistic? Comments?"
Nan


We're a weary world aren't we? We're trying so hard most of the time to juggle our complex lives and still remain intact emotionally at the same time. Life is so interesting, yet complicated!

Sometimes I feel, we can't help but lose sight of the basics.
Thursday, July 20, 2006

To Have and To Hold...

Why is it when a man has an affair with a married woman (or several as the case can be), that he is not strung up verbally anywhere near as much as a woman doing the same thing? He can be seen as a virtual hero for some. Yet a woman will be branded a slut, skank or home-wrecker etc. It's one of those $64 million questions isn't it?

Years ago, I had an affair with a married man. It didn't start out with that intention (does it ever?), and as far as the word 'affair' is concerned, it started out over the phone. Talking the talk kinda stuff, none of the skanking the skank stuff over the phone....but eventually after a few months, I went to bed with him. On two separate occasions.

And despite it only being twice...it makes no difference does it? I still did it, it was still wrong. If I'd only done it once would it have been any better? Nope.

I never EVER thought I would go down the road of sleeping with someone else's husband. I would never want someone to do that to me...why on earth would I do it to another woman?

I have no answer for that...I could come up with many reasons as to why it happened at that time for him and I. But the fact remains the same...it was wrong. He was unfaithful to his wife....and I was the other woman. If we'd NOT had sex, I still would have been the other woman, because he was thinking of me, instead of her. A few weeks before we slept together, he told me he'd fallen in love with me.

Ok, that could've been the "trying to get into your panties" line he thought could work (hardly original). At the time I fought it....and him. Then I caved...he wore me down...I definitely had feelings for him...and I gave into them.

Anyway...I came to my senses soon after we started seeing each other (not soon enough obviously), and shut it down. I was ashamed I'd let it happen...I was embarrassed my moral halo had slipped (again)...and I was appalled that I'd actually stepped across that line. (Yeah, I know, that basically all equates to the same thing.)

Now I know that plenty of people out there have had affairs with married people, or they've been married themselves and had affairs. One of my ex-boyfriends was having an affair with several married women, at the same time...many times it was on the same day...like he had a revolving door on his house. I often wondered where he got the energy from. But to him, he felt he was doing these ladies a service (for want of a better word)...they were happy after they'd been to see him. At the time he wasn't interested in having a long term relationship, so it suited him well to have sex with women that he knew were not going to want anything more from him.....well, they couldn't could they? they were already taken.

One of my dearest friends was emotionally scarred by an affair her father had with the next door neighbour's wife...who incidentally was also his wife's best friend. As you can probably imagine, the fallout of that was monumental.

It appears to happen all the time. Or does it? Am I being particularly cynical about this? I don't think so. There are enough stories about married couples splitting up because of an affair one or the other had. There are thousands upon thousands of married people on the net, having internet love affairs with people they've never touched.

Let's fly with the internet love relationship thing for a minute (besides, it's not like I don't have experience in that field is it?) If you're unhappy in your marriage....is it better to have an affair with someone you've never met and may never touch? Rather than someone in the same city as you? Besides the physical side of things, I can't see how it could be.

You're still emotionally drawn to that person....you can talk cybersex til the cows come home....you can sit here and touch yourself and get the satisfaction of having that 'sharing' experience with someone else. And although you've never touched them in real life...it's still a very physical reaction. There are those that would say that having an internet lover is not cheating on their spouse. I don't agree.

When I was married...if my husband had had an internet love affair, I would've been devastated. His heart would've been involved...his desires and urges and yearning would be for another. If he'd had a one night stand and screwed himself silly, I could forgive him faster (don't bet on that, but you get the point lol).

Regardless of the reasons why married people have affairs...it's still not a good idea is it? There are too many people that can get hurt...betrayal, trust, not to mention wedding vows....all down the gurgler el pronto. And saying that, I can also see and do read on other people's blogs the very real reasons why it happens. In some cases I could practically applaud those that have been doing so. (Yes, yes I can hear you, you know.)

If you're not happy in your long term relationship, find out why...if it's fixable, try fixing it. If you can't fix it, get out. It's easy for me to say. I'm a single woman...I don't have to worry about anyone cheating on me. But knowing that all this is going on behind the scenes, and could go on behind MY back when I'm not looking...well it certainly doesn't make me want to get cracking in a hurry to find myself in a position where that could possibly happen.

Oh dear...how's that for contradicting skepticism?

[God knows where all this came from....for some reason it's been on my mind. And no, I haven't been thinking of going down that track again with a married man (or woman for that matter). lol Ah well, who knows what's going to pop out of our mouths sometimes??]
Monday, July 17, 2006

Getting Involved

I have finally signed up for the "2996" project. I've been humming and haaahing about this since I saw it on Angie's site last month. Wondering if I should go ahead and join, or perhaps just hang around and look at what was happening. I'm afraid I've always been a procastinator extraordinare.

Anyway, I did it. And as you can see on my sidebar at the right there, I have been given the name of the person I will be writing about and posting on here, on September 11 this year....the 5th anniversary of such a terrible and mind-numbing tragedy.

I've been googling Michael (Mikey) Paul Ragusa....found quite a bit about him on the web. He was a firefighter with Engine 250 and 279. The more I read about him, the more I became nervous about the task I'd taken on. What if I don't do the memory of this brave young man justice? After thinking about that for a while, I realised it didn't matter how I felt about it in some respects, but more importantly, that he is given the opportunity to have his time in this world celebrated for another day.

The information I've found so far is more to do with how he lost his life, but I'm also finding snippets of how he lived it. As I continue to delve around on the net, the closer and more involved I feel with him and his family. I would dearly like to get in touch with someone in the Ragusa family to find additional details of the person he was and still is in their hearts. To do so could possibly mean opening up old wounds and I would certainly not want to cause them further grief.

When I signed up a couple of days ago...I was told I am the 939th blogger to enrol. Obviously they still need more to achieve the goal of "2996 Voices"....it would be great to have that many bloggers participate and give each of those that lost their lives that day, a fitting memorial this coming September.

Those readers without blogs can also take part...mind you, it's extremely simple to start one up on blogger anyway, but if you prefer not to do that, you can post your memorial on the actual site that D Challener Roe created for this specific project. If you're a non-blogger, just let him know that when you sign up.

It's easy peasy to do....go to this page....click on the "Sign Up!" link in the right hand column and fill in the 'form'. This 'form' consists of only 4 lines...that's how simple it is. As soon as you fill in the blanks, click the "Sign Up!" button and you will be given the name of a person and some information you may need that is helpful. You'll also receive an email with the same information.

I know I've recently brought this to your attention before. It just seems to me, that with an action so very simple, you will be commemorating someone who was/is that extra special person to so many others. Regardless of whether you have met that special person or any of their family and friends...this can only give off a feeling of selflessness and warmth...a kindness from strangers on a very deep level.

In my opinion, this helps prove the rest of us really do care what happens with this big melting pot called Earth...no matter how far away we are from each other.

All I ask is that you give it the consideration, I believe, it deserves.
Friday, July 14, 2006

May I Borrow Your Pen?

Due to a high risk of any new readers that might stumble across my page, thinking I'm a Bitchy Ho 100% of the time, I need to put up something now that will shove my previous post down a bit.

No news on the car downstairs unfortunately. Besides the fact that they came onto my property and took something that didn't belong to them...the scarier part of this for me, is that they had possibly been watching the house for awhile. I could be wrong. But for them to steal his car between 3am and 5.30? They either followed him home that night, or had been watching my home and the routine of it's residents.

Even scarier, but possibly with a different result...what IF Cameron was actually starting work at 5am that day? It's not unheard of. We would've been down in the garage by 4.30am that morning and may have interrupted them. Doesn't bear thinking about.

Nuff of that...I don't have anything else to tell you...so I shall consult my latest oracle and post a question and answer for you to read instead. I shall randomly open a page and put up the first one I see.

*closes eyes and opens a page*

***

Q: If someone is choking at a dinner party, can you do a tracheotomy with an oyster knife?

A: Our friend Kim can do pretty much anything. She was like Martha Stewart before anyone had seen her bake her first cookie. Add to that a rugged edge that allows her to take on any project. She wanted to know the answer to this one, and we realised if anyone could do this, it would be her. She also wouldn't allow the procedure to interrupt her dinner party.

A cricothyroidotomy (similar to a tracheotomy) is one of the most dramatic procedures done in the emergency room. This procedure is an emergency attempt to relieve a blocked airway. Remember the M*A*S*H episode where Father Mulcahy sticks a pen into some guy's throat to help him breathe?

The oyster knife might work too, but definitely avoid trying this at home!

[Excerpt from the book titled "Why do Men Have Nipples?" Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg MD]

***

Years ago when Cameron had so much trouble with croup, I often took him off in the middle of the night to the after hours medical centre. I also often wondered what I'd do if he could no longer breathe through his mouth because his throat closed up. Like while I was stuck in traffic, or the car broke down on the way or the red lights never turned green or whatever scenario a paranoid parent can come up with.

I am almost embarrassed to admit, that as long as there was a BIC pen in the car somewhere, I felt relatively safe I could handle any possible dilemma...afterall, not only did they demonstrate it on M*A*S*H, they also did it on ER! So there.

How can two major hit series be wrong?
Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I'll Do It My Way

No period today...so yeah, I'm a bitch...who knew?? *cough*

Anyway, as I was eating a handful of jellybeans (yay!) this afternoon, I was watching Dr Phil...(don't give me any shit about that, occasionally I catch a programme or two of his ok?)...and he was talking to some personal trainer come gym guru. This gym guru man said that you have to break a sweat to achieve any fat burning in your bod....he emphasised the "HAVE".

For the past 10 days, besides two half-hearted attempts, I've done no exercise whatsoever. I've been unwell and that completely got me out of the habit of pushing my body. So I figured it was time I did something that broke a sweat again. The more I thought about it, the less I felt like getting on my airwalker or falling off the swiss ball.

So I went and did the next best thing for my body. And trust me, I broke a sweat good and proper...score! The fat burning gremlins yelled "BE GONE!"

5 orgasms later, I stumbled back out of bed...face flushed, a sheen of moisture glistening on my skin...pelvic floor, butt and quad muscles exercised. Unfortunately I didn't float away with all the loss of fat, but hey, I was happily satisfied and physically drained. Close enough.

It was time to celebrate....a stiff drink came to mind.

"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of Rum!"

Emphasis on the "ho".

Conclusion: Bitchy ho's ROCK!...or at least their exercise regime does.
Monday, July 10, 2006

Sweet Child of Mine

Tonight I have an unbelievable craving for something sweet.

The more I've been thinking about it, the more I've pinned my sweet craving on jellybeans.

I need jellybeans.

My body is screaming out for Jellybeans.

Of course, there are none in the house, and I'm already showered and wearing my PJs.

It's cold and windy outside...so I have no intention whatsoever of going down to the shop to buy any.

My teenagers seem hell bent on doing just about everything they can to deliberately irritate me.

My oldest son in particular.

So after asking several times for them to settle down and them ignoring me...I blew a gasket...almost to the point of stamping my feet.

Then I felt like crying after yelling at them both.

Please keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow I get my period.

I don't know what I'll do if I have to come to the conclusion, that the actual reason I'm feeling like this is because I really am a bitch deep down inside.

That would suck big time...especially for my kids. lol
Sunday, July 09, 2006

What a Gas....Not

Yesterday for the first time in what seemed like ages...the sun came out. This means...the rain stopped. The people of Wellington rejoiced!....HOORAH!

During the past week with the rain and wind storms, my beloved Betty got blown over into the bushes...that's my 4 burner BBQ by the way...and thanks to my mate Fred, that's what we call her. Anyway, my male tenant downstairs very kindly put Betty back on her feet. It was a good day to give her a complete cleaning overhaul and carry her down to the garage for safekeeping over the winter.

Now I say it's a garage...and in most respects it is one...yet it has no doors, so I guess it would be better called a carport. This 'carport' holds up the rest of my house and the flat below. Any carport I've ever seen has never looked sturdy enough to hold up two levels, so for all intensive purposes, it's a double garage...without doors.

That afternoon I pulled Betty apart as much as I could and cleaned her down good and proper....I yelled out for Cameron who dutifuly helped me cart her down the steps to the garage. We positioned her safely at the back and I said to my son "I hope noone comes up the driveway at night and nicks off with my gas bottle." In the past I've learnt not to leave anything of value in the garage, like the brand new double stroller when the boys were so much younger (obviously *snort*)...it disappeared not long after it was put there.

Bear with me ...you all know I have to run round the houses first before I get to the main attraction.

ANYWAY...you know what? Someone did enter my garage last night....and no, they didn't take off with my 9kg gas cylinder. In fact it was most certainly not even worth a look to them because....

...they stole my tenant's car instead!

BASTARDS!!

My tenant's baby....he adores her and has spent a lot of money and time to making that car 'just right' for him and his lady. It was a souped up 1991 Nissan Pulsar, silver, in absolutely mint condition, turbo included. I don't know what else was under the hood, but the house would tremble whenever he started her up (how I love that rumble, there's something kinda sexual about it I reckon).

Dwayne (my tenant) works as a trainer at a gym in town, and he often leaves home around 5.30 in the morning. This morning I took Cam to work at 5.40 and noticing the other half of the garage empty, asked him if he'd heard Dwayne leave..."No, but I did hear someone revving their car up down the street...that was a lot earlier, 'round 4ish."

Dwayne and his lady had gone out last night and only got home at 3am. They were fast asleep in the bedroom directly above their car...there's only a floor/ceiling between the two 'rooms'. Those wankers must've known how to disarm the alarm, rolled it down the driveway, then further down the road and hot-wired her...I feel fairly confident saying that's likely what Cameron heard when he'd woken earlier.

It's a gorgeous car, but unfortunately a target for bastards like that. It was probably stripped and distributed before lunchtime, I don't know, I'm only going by what I see in the movies lol. I realise it doesn't take long to steal a car if you know what you're doing, and going by the times, there was only a smallish window of opportunity for them. I dare say they've been watching her for a while, waiting for the right moment. The insurance excess is 30% of what the car is worth....I've never heard of an excess being that high before. $13,000 she was insured for.

He's devastated and pissed as hell. I'm feeling guilty for not having any garage doors. Here's me selfishly worrying about my meazley gas bottle...and now I wish they'd just taken the whole friggin' BBQ instead.

Pardon the rant, I'm frustrated and fucked off...but I expect not nearly as much as he is.
Thursday, July 06, 2006

Battle Scars

This past Saturday has been a poignant and enlightening one for me.

1st of July 2006 marked the 90th anniversary of the first day of the Battle of the Somme. Almost 20,000 soldiers lost their lives that day...many of them in the first four hours...and that's only the British. French, Canadians, Australians, South Africans, New Zealanders, Indians....over 600,000 casualties in that one battle alone. And that's not even counting the Germans...more hundreds of thousands of soldiers. Fathers, brothers, sons and uncles, each and every one of them.

I watched some of the memorial service on Saturday evening (NZ time), and what struck me most, was seeing the few elderly surviving veterans that served their countries all those years ago in this brutal war. There were both British and German soldiers present...and with a healthy mutual respect they shook hands. It wasn't personal. Men were doing what they were ordered to do and they did it proudly for what they believed in and loved....both sides fighting for their country and it's future generations.

German General Hindenburg himself said of the allies "I was proud of them. They kept coming and we kept shooting them but still they came."

1st of July 2006 was also the day that the English were knocked out of the FIFA World Cup Championship. From what I've read and heard, England has been overrun with flags and supporters. Some parents have even been neglecting their children during games! There are thousands upon thousands of English supporters in Germany watching their 'boys'.

Now that England is no longer a contender, I suspect that the majority of their fans have made their way home. Beckham has resigned his captaincy...Erikssen has stepped down as manager (or been retired, not entirely sure, maybe that's what happens about you've been with the team for 6 years, don't know). There have been tears and apologies aplenty.

I really do understand the fever with which World Cup sport can take over our days/nights....I certainly understand the disappointment of having your team knocked out...afterall am I not an avid All Black supporter and seen my boys go the same way on various occasions? Whether you've been supporting Brazil, Australia, Argentina..whoever...you can't help but feel discouraged.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am not criticising any particular team, country or any one person....I am merely saying that, yes, it's natural to feel disappointment when your team doesn't get through to the semis or become part of the finals of an event so prestigious in the sporting arena.

But the most important part is....nobody died.

And from my point of view, for what it's worth...we can all live with that.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Mummy Moment

Picture 299a

Cameron attended his college Prom/Ball last Friday night. He had a fantastic time dancing and mingling with his peers. It was held at the Duxton Hotel in the centre of Wellington's CBD and his father and I did a tag team kinda thing as far as getting him to wherever he wanted/needed to be that night.

Picture 292a

He didn't want to attend the after-party which had been organised for a venue in town, he wanted to go to the one that was close to home. He said he would prefer not be in town on a Friday night if he was going to be drinking....he also said that 'just in case' he actually got drunk he wanted to come home to his own bed (as opposed to sleeping in his bed at Dad's house where he was staying that weekend).

Picture 301aPicture 302a
(and before you saying anything, yes I know Ryan needs a haircut, I'm working on it lol)

We both readily understood and organised which one of us was going to be where and when. Dad took him into town around 8pm...and went back in at 12.15am to collect him, bringing him back here. He changed into his jeans and after filling me in on his evening, I dropped him off at the after-party at 1.15am. When the phone rang at 4.30am my "hello?" was greeted with a "Where were you?"....obviously I was sleeping at that hour of the morning...but apparently he had already rung 3 times before I woke up.

Picture 295a

After I first dropped him off at the party, I headed for Woolworths supermarket (open 24 hours)...I realised that should he feel a bit jaded come morning, he may want a cooked breakfast to help soak up some of what he'd downed the night before. I knew I didn't have what was required in the fridge and took measures to rectify that.

Picture 290a
(He's going to kill me for posting this one lol)

Incidentally, this is not always the best time to go shopping. Although there isn't anyone crowding the aisles, it is also the time the pubs/bars are almost closed and smelly drunk people have stopped off to buy more beer/wine before going on to continue the cheer at their mate's homes. The guy next to me in the checkout line could've intoxicated me purely by breathing in his stench and there was an unsavoury incident in the carpark between a few inebriated patrons about who was going to drive, sheesh.

I digress...

Obviously with you all in mind, I took some photos of Cameron before he left the house...he dutifully posed...and as you can see by this last shot, he very quickly got to the point of "That's enough Mum!"

Picture 304a

All I can say is, I'm SO glad I've got boys. Last month it took about an hour for a lovely little asian lady fussing over my oldest son to get him fitted into a suit and happy with what he wanted to wear. I have no doubt that it certainly would've taken a lot longer to find something for a daughter.

I'll be going through this again next year...with both of them...hopefully my youngest will have his haircut by then!
Monday, July 03, 2006

Dogs, Hair, Oysters, Munching, Sperm and Poo!

EDIT: My mate Freddy has a friend called Clair, who has a gorgeous dog named Hogan, who is involved in an online competition that needs votes to give him the edge over his competitors. I just voted myself and pushed him into first equal...how cool is that? Please click HERE and vote for Hogan and help this wee doggie and his owner to win. The competition closes on the 4th of July and the winner is announced on the 5th. I have no idea what they win, but hell, all good stuff...one small leap for dogkind and all that. (Click on Freddy's name to see a photo of this lovely canine.) Thanks :D

1. What's up with the ear hair? [Getting Older]

You lose the hair where you want it, and gain it in all those other unsightly places. Bushy eyebrows, excessive nasal hair and hairy ears certainly don't make you anxious to get older do they?

Sometimes the excessive growth of hair on the ears is genetic and is linked to the Y chromosome, the sex chromosome found only in males, which explains why you don't see many hairy-eared females, except in The Lord of the Rings movies.

And what would this excess hair growth be without a competition? The Guinness Book of World Records record the longest ear hair was broken again in 2002. A seventy-year-old from Tamil Nadu state in India, Anthony Victor broke the record with his ear hair measure 11.5 centimetres. (*gag*)

(Did that REALLY answer the question??)

2. Do oysters really make you horny? [All You (N)ever Wanted to know About Sex]

Oysters definitely do resemble a certain anatomical part, but this doesn't make them stimulants. There are a lot of different foods and substances that are thought to be aphrodisiacs. Though there is no science to prove that any of them work, there are some theories on oysters.

Oysters are full of many vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Zinc controls progesterone levels, which have a positive effect on the libido. Other foods that are thought to get your mojo working include:

chocolate (yay!); strawberries; champagne (go figure); caviar and truffles.

3. Why do you get the munchies when you are stoned? [Drugs and Alcohol]

Answer: To keep Dominos and KFC in business.
Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in both the United States and the UK. The main active chemical in marijuana is THC (delta-9-tetra-hyrocannabinol), or The High Causer. THC falls in the category of chemicals called cannabinoids.

A study in the April 2001 issue of Nature helps us to better understand how marijuana causes users to have an increased appetite, the famous "munchies." Molecules called endo-cannabinoids, marijuana-like chemicals present in our own brain, bind with receptors in the brain and activate hunger. These endo-cannabinoids in the hypothalanus of the brain then activate cannabinoid receptors that are responsible for maintaining food intake. The chemicals from marijuana bind to these cannabinoid receptors and cause the munchies.

Sound complicated? Maybe you're too stoned to understand. Go eat some Pringles.

4. Is Sperm nutritious? Or fattening? [All You (N)ever Wanted to know About Sex]

You are what you eat. In this case, it is somewhat true, as sperm contains important genetic material. But sperm is not particularly nutritious or fattening. The average ejaculate, about one teaspoon, contains between two and three hundred million sperm. Total calories: about five (score!). These calories are derived from protein, including enzymes and sugars (mainly fructose) secreted into semen by the prostate gland to provide the sperm with the energy to swim (how cute).

Other good stuff found in semen includes water, vitamin C, citric acid, phosphate, bicarbonates, zinc, and prostaglandings. A veritable breakfast of champions.

5. Why is poo brown? [Bathroom Humour]

It is very common to have people ask about the colour of their stool to figure out how it relates to disease. there are definitely some colour changes that can be cause for concern, but in general assessing stool colour is no exact science.

Faeces are mostly shades of brown or yellow because of the presence of an orange-yellow substance called bilirubin. Bilirubin combines with iron in the intestine to give the combo a beautiful brown colour.

Poo does however, have a rainbow of possibilities.

(And seeing as this post has got quite long enough already I aint gonna be listing them...I can tell you the colours though...black, green, red, gray and yellow are all mentioned...and that's enough of that shit for now!)

[Excerpts from the book titled "Why do Men Have Nipples?", Authors, Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg MD]