Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Learning to play the trumpet...

I've been thinking. Yes, it's true...on the odd occasion I do indeed think...or there are occasions that I think oddly. Whichever way you want to read it, I've been doing it...yep...thinking.

In 5 weeks time, Walker will be at Wellington Airport. I should be waiting there to pick him up. But will I? I mean, will I actually turn up to collect him? Or will I freak out about how long I'm going to have someone else here in my personal space for 6 weeks....will I panic about that?....and thus leave him standing at the airport wondering about the closest motel to spend the night? Nah, I wouldn't do that. But I might, if he keeps going on about how many hours he has to spend travelling to bloody get to me! Nah, not really...just kidding....or am I? haha

So, I've been thinking about this....off and on, during my financial dilemmas, during my cleaning frenzies, and whilst I'm laying in bed at night with nothing better to do. Pfft.

I hop into my queen sized bed...lay down....then get up leaning on one elbow and look at the empty side of the bed....yes...all is ok....we will indeed both fit in my bed. (God knows why I've thought about this, it's not like I've never had anyone else in bed beside me before..uh..*coughing fit*..moving right along then). I don't believe it has anything to do with him actually fitting in my bed....I've lost track of how many hours we've spent talking about being in bed together...not to mention, being on the sofa together...the dining room table....kitchen counter...the car...oh... *smacks forehead*

I've been thinking about personal space. I've had my own amount of personal space for...let's see...about 7 years now. (Faaawck, that's a long time eh??) MY bed space....MY kitchen space (haha, like I'm EVER in the kitchen)...MY personal boundaries....noone has been in my face, or up this close and personal for such a length of time...for a long looooong time.

Granted, when I was in Canada last year...Walker and I shared personal space for 3 weeks. It was great...I didn't feel stifled...in fact just the opposite, I wanted him to step over that boundary line....I loved him being in my face (ooo err)...and OH. MY. GOD. I can't wait until he is that close again!

But...

what if I want to spread out at night? It took me a long time to train my body to sleep in the middle of the bed. I'm obviously going to push over his boundary line and give him less space to sleep in. Could this be a problem? Aww fuck it...probably not...the man barely sleeps anyway....if I push him over and it wakes him up, I'll just make sure it's the right time of night/day...and by the time I wake up, he could be serving me up pancakes for breakfast. Ok...that's good...got that sorted out in my head now. I love pancakes!

Um...what else?

Oh...how about bathroom space? First thing when i wake up in the morning, I roll out of bed and head straight for the toilet...have a pee....go into the kitchen, put the kettle on....boot up the PC, check my blog....open a few of yours to read and drink my moccachino while doing so. Next thing...I need to head back to the loo again. Not for a pee this time. For the other. *knowing look* This is basically a ritual. It works in perfectly with the time I need to wake the kids for school. In the middle of kissing and cuddling them awake, and them "hmmphing" at me to get off them...I ask if they need to use the loo before I do. If not, it's a green light for me. If they do, I end up pacing.."Could you please hurry up and get in there then? I REALLY need to go".

Now, this is fine...cos they're my offspring, they're used to all manner of sounds etc that their mother's arse emits each and every day. I can cope with that. But...now...in less than 5 weeks time, I'm going to have another adult in the house. An adult that loves me in THAT way...someone I've never even had the balls to fart in front of. The man adores me for goodness sake...how can I taint the way he feels about me by making such unsavoury noises and smells in his company? He'll stop loving me for sure!

I can't take the risk of that happening. *sob*

I must find a way to get around this.

When I stayed with Walker, his bathroom was upstairs....so being the sneaky tramp that I can be...I generally went to the loo whenever he was busy doing something downstairs. My house is all on one level...the toilet is, like...only 2 doors away from the bedroom. And when I need to go...well, the rest of house is usually asleep....that means, no sound whatsoever....I can't even crank the stereo up for background noise. *sigh* Do you think there's an injection or some sort of pill the doctor could give me? You know...to stop me from crapping for the duration of his 6 week visit? I mean...how am I supposed to cope with going to the loo like that, when he's only a couple of doors away and the house is totally silent?

I remember years ago, an acquaintance was about to go through the same dilemma. A good friend of hers told her to run the shower...go to the toilet...flush the chain...hop in the shower...all fixed. Well...my toilet is in a seperate room next to the bathroom. Perhaps I should start doing renovations now? What do you think? Knock out the wall between the two? I've been thinking about doing that anyway. It would certainly make more space in the bathroom and the toilet. Maybe now's the time to do it?

Hey!...I could start learning to play the trumpet or a similar instrument. I could practise whilst sitting on the toilet each morning. This would then serve to wake up the children...I'm sure they'd much rather get woken by this method, than have their mother smooching all over them. AND it would cover any embarrassing sounds I might make.

My ex-husband used to say "If you don't eat, you don't shit, and if you don't shit, you die." Should I stop eating for 6 weeks? I could certainly do with losing some weight. And if I did that, would my efforts come under the heading of "dying for the sake of love"? Would that make me a heroine of some kind?

Super Lisa...that's kinda cool..."Don't mess with Super Lisa, she takes no shit!"...or maybe it should be *superhero music playing in background* "Super Lisaaaa! She doesn't give a shit!" or somethin' like that. No? Yes? Aaww crap. I give up.

Ya see, it's just that there will suddenly be four people living under my roof for several weeks. Four people in close proximity. These four people are all used to having their own space. We all enjoy our own company, and the 'time-outs' we take from one another, help us enjoy each other more I would imagine. We respect each other's need to have that down time to blob out (or blog out haha), wind our brains down after the gruelling day and then we resurface at some stage in a more approachable mood and with good manners abound.

Cut us off from our blobbing out process and who knows how it's going to turn out? Should one of us do the resurfacing earlier than the others...start talking non-stop to one of us (usually me)...before the winding down period has ended...well...therein begins a fair amount of huffing and puffing, eye rolling, "you're not listening to me!" and "I'm not ready yet"...type phrases.

I love my children dearly of course....(let's face it, they're extremely expensive, I have no choice but to love them dearly)...and if there's anything I try to do most for them, it's give them my time and my undivided attention when they're talking to me. Being teenagers, in depth conversations with my boys, can be few and far between...I have to listen...if I don't, I'll fuck up any future thoughts they may have of sharing their space with me.

It'll be interesting to see how the dynamics in my household change with an extra male around. And not just ANY male either, but one their mother is in love with. I've already warned them about the inpromptu cuddling and kissing going on they're bound to end up witnessing at some stage. I felt it best to give them plenty of notice so they don't barf on the carpet I've spent so much time cleaning cat spew out of. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Oh my, look at what happens when I don't write so often. I expect at least a few of you have come in here, taken a look and thought "Holy shit, look at the size of THAT!" Yeah, you're right, it's time I wrapped it up.

Ah well, I don't care what anyone says...big IS good! *wink*

(PS: BBQ still in box)
Friday, November 18, 2005

Now We're Cookin'

I have a new BBQ. I used to have one years ago, but it left the house around the same time my husband did. Besides, it WAS his...he'd received it from a happy customer to say thank you for a job well done.

So, after much searching around and various letterbox junkmail scrummaging I found one. In fact it's the cheapest of the ones I'd seen. I was humming and hahing about it, until Wednesday, when I rang my best friend to set up a dinner date (Fri night) and mentioned that I was looking at BBQs. She immediately gasped and said "Oh! get one from Woolworths!"

Now, I had seen the BBQ in the Woolies flyer...it was cheap (ideal in my current financial predicament)...but...I wanted to SEE one set up. I'm not too keen about parting with money for something I've not seen in all it's physical glory. I need to touch it, smell it, feel and see how solid it is etc. Then I feel I can make my judgement call. Yes...No...Crap...Whatever...you get the drift.

But...now I had a personal recommendation. She was gushing about her parents' new BBQ and how fabulous it was, and how she'd been sure it was worth at least $900...and then her mum told her they'd purchased it from Woolworths for $295. Well...that was me...I was sold right there and then. I rang Woolworths, asked if they had any left. OMG, they had only one left! "Could you please put that aside for me? I'll be down tonight to get it"...."That's ok, it's near customer services, we'll just keep an eye on it"...(yeah whatever)....*whiney voice* "But what if someone buys it in the meantime??"....*huff* "Yeah ok, what's your name?".

So I race down there with Ryan in tow, to collect our latest cooking appliance. Yay! It's in kitset form. I'm either going to attempt to put this together...the ultimate result being; no parts left when finished....or it's going to stay in kitset form until Walker gets here lol. Now, you all know I'm just gonna HAVE to have a go at this myself right? I am woman! Hear me roar!..and swear...and puff and pant...as I take on this task.

After paying for it, I brought the car around and pulled up alongside the exit. Two big burly males came out carrying it. They wrestled it into the back of the car...we had to put the back seats down flat to fit it in. And off we drove...our new BBQ in pieces in the box in the back. One more thing to cross off the list. Yes!

For the past two days I've been driving around with it in the back of my car. This is not due to me being lazy (although I'm the first to admit that I am), this is because the box is too damn heavy for me to remove from the car. I've spent the last couple of mornings moving the car very carefully down my steep driveway, to avoid being struck in the back of the head with a large heavy object.

The anxiety of these short drives up and down the driveway at home, not to mention how much air was possibly being pushed out of my already fragile back tyre (well, yeah I know it's fixed now, but that's not to say it still can't hiss out when a certain amount of cast iron is thrown in the boot)....shit...where was I? oh yeah...too much angst does not a happy Lisa make...it had to be remedied.

Last night I came home to find an extra teenage male in the house. That got my thought processes turning...I enlisted the help of this extra male...in fact...all I said was "We need to get the BBQ up from the car"...he immediately piped up with "I'll help"....and that was that. The four of us trudged down to the garage. After a lot of messing about and wrestling with the box, we did it....that is to say...we got the lid of the box open.

We wriggled the box so it was sorta part way hanging out the back of the car, opened the lid, and I started removing items from the box and handing them to the kids....who would trudge back up the stairs to offload. Eventually the box was light enough to carry, and two of us carried it upstairs...dumped it, and it's contents in the middle of the lounge floor...where I promptly put everything else back in it in jigsaw fashion.

For the past week I've been feeling pretty good about how lovely and tidy and more importantly, clean and dust-free...I repeat...clean and dust-free, my lounge is....and now I have a dirty great big box in the middle of it. I am going to attempt to put it together this weekend. Not only to prove that I can do it, but to clear the space and have that feel-good thing going on about my lounge area again. When I'm finished, it's going to look like this (and yes, this is the actual BBQ I bought, gotta love that Google):



Oh, one tiny technical difference about this picture....besides the fact it's all together in one piece (and the food items etc weren't included)...the above BBQ has a gas cylinder...and mine doesn't.

But it will!....next pay day!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Here Comes The Sun...

I've had a rather busy few days. In fact I've barely spent any time on the computer at all. I spent more time talking to Walker on the phone this weekend than i did on the computer. I have to admit, I'm getting restless and tetchy about sitting here for hours on end. Summer is most definitely on it's way.

The weather has changed. In a good way. At the moment, each morning is dawning bright and sunny and this has motivated me to move myself into other directions. I seem to have gone into some kind of spring-cleaning mode. This is most unusual for me. The weather and the fact that Walker will touch down on these shores in 6 weeks time has me clearing out cupboards, spraying and wiping surfaces and down on my hands/knees trying to remove stains from the carpet.

The cat, stunned by this new turn of events, seems to think the moment I've removed one of her pieces of artwork from said carpet, it is time to replace it with yet another. I'm thinking there's gotta be a colour-free cat biscuit on the market.

She's spending a lot of time locked outdoors at the moment. This results in her doing some kind of body plant thing against the ranch slider door so that I notice her. I kid you not...it's like she has a vertical epileptic seizure against the glass pane and has me yelling at her "No! You have to spend some time outside, it's good for you!" I think she's agoraphobic.

I open the ranch slider....she sits at the opening staring out...she'll eventually step out onto the deck and lay in the sun, sleeping. The instant I get near the open door...even if I'm just passing by it, she's up and back inside before you know it. She's not taking any chances of being stuck out in the big bad world.

I have a new TV (the repairman rang last week to say the old one is stuffed and it would cost up to $500 to repair it). Cameron and I went TV shopping on Friday morning and eventually chose one that suited our needs. It came with a cabinet and a redemption coupon I have to post off to Philips and they will courier me a new DVD player.

Anyway, the telly arrived on Saturday morning. It's new and shiny and stands out like a sore thumb. Cam agreed with me when I said "It's a bit too bling for the rest of the stuff in our lounge isn't it?". So in an effort to trying getting the rest of the lounge area up to par with it's new resident, the least I could do is dust and vacuum. This is another reason why the spring cleaning is happening...once I started, I had to keep going. Ever sprayed and wiped a spot on the wall to find that the cleaning of it stood out more than the rest of the wall?...That you had to eventually wipe down the entire wall for it not to be noticeable? Yep, that's where I was at with this.

I'm not going to be around as much in the next while. I'll be dropping in and out of my blogroll from time to time, but I can't promise you I'll be commenting. For me, it'll be enough to just find out what you're doing and keeping up with your lives. There are so many of you that I like to keep track of. I feel I'm officially going to turn into the lurker category. It'll be like eavesdropping...in an always-wanted-to-be-a-spy-but-was-hopeless-at-it kinda way.

I need the time out...I need to get in the garden and try to put it in some kind of order (my body's going to hate me for that), and I need to be attending the various functions and pre-Xmas whatevers that happen at this time of year. I need to organise myself for Xmas and I need to be ready for my special guest's arrival.

My posts could drop down to being weekly bulletins or whenever I feel I've got something in my head that needs purging. You know when you get in the mood to spew it all out and just ramble? I'm kinda good at that I think. There have been times in the past where I've been ready to write....I can sit down here comfortably with all manner of things in my head and WANT to write...I'm ready, I'm primed....and so it is...I've written.

At the moment, these times are becoming few and far between...my head is filled with so many things, none of which I can put down...none of which I feel are worthy of a read....and none of which I'm comfortable about sitting here for lengths of time putting into words. It's not that I've got anything in my brain that I'm concerned about any of you reading, just that I have no motivation to put it in any readable format.

But I will...again....eventually.

In the meantime, with my sporadic blogging coming up, could you email your postal addresses please? I'd love to send you a Xmas card to say hi and seasons greetings blah blah, that kinda thing.

Until then...*blows a kiss at the screen*...Au Revoir.
Friday, November 11, 2005

Lest We Forget

Below is a picture taken about 9 years ago. It was taken outside the local Returned Servicemens Assocation (RSA) after the Keas, Cubs and Scouts marched down the main street behind those that served during various wars or family members marching on behalf of those they lost. Such a deeply moving tribute that always brings to me tears.





This is Ryan. He had just turned 6. When the photographer asked if he'd mind Ryan taking a few shots of him, my son was more than happy to sit down, so it wasn't an issue. I'm sorry to say I don't know the name of the eldery gentleman beside him, and in fact his name wasn't even printed in the paper. Possibly because you can't see his face. That felt so wrong. I felt it extremely unfair that he wasn't mentioned after all he'd been through.

The following morning I woke up and said to hubby "I might run down to the store and see if there's a pic of Ryan in the paper today". Just then the phone rang...it was my tenant at the time..."Did you know your baby's on the front page of the national paper today??". And so he was. Large photo, smack in the middle of the front page.

A poignant picture for Remembrance Day. My heart and thoughts go out to those that fought for their countries and the families that so many left behind. May their souls rest in peace.
Thursday, November 10, 2005

I'm Impressed, In More Ways Than One

On my way to work yesterday afternoon, I could feel the car doing it's 'wobbly' thing again. So I drove straight into the garage that's two doors down from the surgery....put the window down and asked them if there was any chance they could check my back tyre. They were so lovely, I was impressed. "You just work down the road eh?" (Frankly I don't recall ever seeing him before, but there ya go). He suggested I park it at work and he'd send someone over for it later.

A couple of hours later a young man turned up, took off with my car...and 30 minutes later when I was doing a mail run I walked past the garage to see my baby up on the hoist. Course, I had to go investigate.

Him: "Let me show you why your tyre was leaking"
*picks up 2 inch nail from workbench and holds it up for my inspection*
Me: "Oh...yeah...well that'll do it"
Him: "I've repaired the tyre and re-balanced the wheel weights...you should be right now."
Me: "Thanks! That's great! I can't afford to lose anymore hubcaps."
Him: "That's a real nice set you've got there"
Me: "My 16 year old reckons they're too "bling" for the rest of the car lol"
Him: "Nah, they look good...I could put some cable-ties on your wheels if you like."
Me: "Eh?...uh" *blank expression* "How many would you put on?"
Him: "Well I could cover them if you really wanted me to, but just one on each wheel would be enough to prevent you losing any more hubcaps lol."
Me: *mental click* "Ooooh of course! What a fabulous idea! That'd be great, thanks! "

I went back to work gushing about how wonderful they were at the garage. The thought of not losing a hubcap put me in a bouyant mood. What a brilliant idea...anyone would think that it had never been thought of before the way I was carrying on about it. I think this has something to do with the lack of an adult male in the house...I've much to learn about cars...much much more.
I went back later to pick her up and pay the bill. It cost me $25.00. No way! $25.00?? I was ecstatic...I drove back to work and ran in the door to tell Annette. Richard chose that moment to come out of his office.

Richard: "And what are you so excited about?"
Me: "The garage only charged me $25."
Annette: "In other words, Lisa's been flirting with the mechanics again."
Richard: *looking at me* "Oh?"
Me: "Hardly...they're just lovely men helping out a lady in distress is all"
Annette: "Pfft...bet you smiled at them."
Me: "Well, of course I bloody did, I wasn't going to get any help being a grumpy old cow was I?"
Annette: *looking at Richard* "See? Told ya"
Me: "Oh hush up....mind you...he did say I had a really nice set"
Two pairs of eyebrows shot up.

***

Thank you to all those that commented yesterday. I would've sworn after all the belly-aching I did you'd have run for the hills. But no...you came, you read and you commented. Thank you.

A special thank you and a big sloppy kiss to Bella, who in true Bella-fashion wrote a post about how to save money (not to mention some ideas on how to MAKE money too). Thank you Bella, you never fail to impress me. Anyone that's feeling the pinch at the moment, or at any time of the year for that matter, should indeed fly across to Caution to the Wind, and read her post from yesterday (titled "Interlude"). Lots of great ideas there!

I can guarantee you, there are several things I've done in the past few weeks that she would been smacking my hands for lol
Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Brace Yourself...It's Long and It's Boring...

It might be long and boring, but it needs to get out of my head so my brain doesn't explode. I sat down to write something interesting, and lo and behold if this didn't all pour out before I could stop it. I apologise in advance.

**

I've got loads messing around in my head at the moment, and trying to come up with a post about any one particular subject is going to be pointless today. So, this morning here in the Internet Lovers' household, we're opting to spew out all and sundry.

As some of you are aware, we have 3 desktop computers and one laptop in this house. This equates to a fair amount of traffic for a family of 3, and more than the allotted 5 gig plan that we're on. As the end of each month comes along, I'm well known for informing the occupants of my home. I start with..."Please keep your browsing and downloading to a minimum". They both agree.

During those last few days I continue to check our daily, sometimes hourly usage. This can result in me storming down to Cameron's room, flinging open the door and saying "What on earth were you doing on there *pointing at PC* between the hours of 4 and 5pm today??" As you can imagine....he gets just as fed up with hearing that, as much as I do saying it.

Anyway, this morning I rang my provider and asked about other plans. Fortunately for me, they have just revamped their prices and cable internet plans and for an extra $5.05 per month, we get an extra 5 gigs. I've ordered it obviously, I'd be mad not to. It all starts on Saturday (that's our monthly roll-over date).

Now, Cameron has been harping on at me about another plan...an ADSL one that will give us 30 gigs a month for about $40 extra, which he's prepared to pay for himself. The problem I have with this, is it's with another provider....there's copper wiring and new routers involved, and quite frankly, besides the fact that I don't want another technician in here wiring shit up around the place, I can't afford installation fees and new routers etc at this time of year. My take on the whole cable vs ADSL thing is pretty fuzzy, but from what I understand, ADSL is slower, and can have 'bursts' of energy...much like you putting your foot on the accelerator. Anyway, I've done what I've done. If he's unhappy, he'll have to wait well into the New Year before I'll even think about it.

Financially at the moment, I'm starting to freak out mentally. I still need to renew my car insurance ($400), this is different from registration, which I paid last week ($200). Both the boys need a new pair of school shoes (approx $100 each). At the end of January, I have school fees (about $240, yeah cheap I know but money I still have to budget for), school stationary (approx $150 if I'm lucky), approximately $300 worth of updating their school uniforms, AND a wedding to get us to up north (4 Feb). I've already paid for the accommodation ($275, REAL cheap), but I still have to find something for us all to wear so we look half decent while we're attending said wedding. Not to mention the cost of petrol to drive us several hundreds of kilometres to get to it. Why on earth she decided to get married up there instead of her hometown is beyond me! But, of course, we'll attend, because we love her. *sigh*

I also think I've got a 'slow leak' tyre. You know the wheel that my hubcap went missing from the other week? Well it seems that's probably why the hubcap went AWOL. The tyre needed air...once I'd pumped it up, it's proving to want to be pumped up on a regular basis. I don't think this is going to cost me too much, hopefully just a new tube, or repair of the current one. I'm due for a WOF (Warrant of Fitness) on the car in December (more outgoing money) and I do believe I need a new tyre...in June at the last WOF (we have them every 6 months) I replaced two tyres and the mechanic told me I'd likely need another new one next WOF.

On top of that, I have the usual bills that will need paying. Eating could be a problem lol. My credit cards are almost at their limit (this probably scares me more than anything else...well maybe not, but almost). I want to buy a BBQ. For what I've been looking at, and what would be suitable for us, I'd be looking for at least $400 new, and that's without a gas bottle. I'm going to look through the "Trade and Exchange", which is a weekly newspaper that has everything for sale in it, secondhand or new, from baby gear to cars, boats and houses. There's bound to be a good quality second hand BBQ for sale in there.

I haven't heard from the tv repairman about how much it's going to cost to fix my 29" lounge television...in fact I haven't heard from him at all, so I have no idea when it's even going to be coming back. I'm expecting it to be around the $200, hopefully not more.

Of course, right smack in the middle of the next couple of months and their financial raid, is Christmas. If my boys were still under 8 years old, I wouldn't find this such a burden. The fact that they're not anymore is hurting my pocket big time. I sat them down and spoke with them about it before school today. Talked about how tight money's going to be over the next few months...apologised to Ryan, because I really felt the electric guitar and amp he was hoping for, was out of my reach at this time. I even suggested that we buy a joint family christmas present in the form of a BBQ (yeah, as I suspected, that went down like a lead balloon...they didn't protest loudly, but the facial expressions spoke volumes lol). I was only kidding, but had to try anyway...two birds with one stone an' all that lol.

When Ryan turns 15 next April, my ex and I will buy him a new computer. The one he's using at the moment is the dog of the house. It's old, slow and has stuff all hard drive space. For Cameron's 15th we did that, and so we should continue on in the same vein. Course, that'll possibly mean the internet usage rises once again, and I'll be back here blogging about this shit all over again. Trying to come up with ideas for presents, that I can afford and that will still have my children excited, is doing my head in.

Oh, and one more thing, seeing as I'm on such a roll here. My tenants downstairs are only obligated to stay until mid January. That's when their tenancy agreement is up. They may choose to renew it, but considering the female half of the two is pregnant, they may actually want to get out sooner. The baby is due mid January. If they decide to move at that time of year, and I have trouble letting out the flat (which I invariably do, have trouble at that time of year I mean)...then I'll really be crippled. You could come in here to find nothing but a desperate plea and a "Paypal" button on my site lol.

I do have some money set aside for my trip to Canada next year. Lately I've found I have to keep digging into it to pay for this, that and the other thing, and I'm getting down about how down the fund is getting (hope you're getting this). While Walker is here, I've taken a couple of weeks off. I've chosen the weeks that have statutory holidays in them, which means altogether I only have to take off 4 days....I've also taken them without pay so I can keep my annual leave intact for when I travel next year. Yep, money is certainly going to be tight the next few months. Sorry dear, hope you don't mind eating toast for dinner every night for 6 weeks lol. We can use cookie cutters to make different shapes each night for variety.

So....if you've actually managed to read this far, then I applaud you...with great enthusiasm. Anyone that's managed to get this far through today's drivel deserves a medal! If you managed to read this far, then I thank you for listening.

I love this time of year, yet I hate this time of year. Sometimes life just seems to be about money. I don't buy a lottery ticket very often...when I do bother, I expect to win...course I don't win...which in turn pisses me off for spending the $5 on the ticket. Ah well, life would be boring if it wasn't so interesting.
Monday, November 07, 2005

Could The Real Psycho Please Step Forward...

...sooner, rather than later.

Listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, they were discussing times of 'psycho-ness'. You know...times when people have done something really WAY out there...that would make people say "Shit....you're a psycho!" kinda thing.

Seeing as it only takes about 15 minutes for me to get to work, I didn't get to hear too much of it....but...it made me think. It had me thinking about some of the people I've come across in the past. The ones that are so friendly, maybe too friendly...you get on with them well....yet as you get to know them more...scratching away at the surface of their personalities...you can find yourself sitting inches away from a clinging fruit-loop and wondering how to extract yourself from said cereal.

We've a new receptionist at work. She's doing quite well. It appears that you only have to tell her something once and she's pretty much onto it and you don't have to repeat yourself over and over. I like that. After dealing with the young man I ranted about a few months ago, it's certainly a welcome change.

I could have a slight problem though. I think she's latched onto me. I mean, l work with her a couple of shifts a week...last Friday night being one of them. Last week after closing up the surgery, we sat out in my car for about 15 minutes chatting. She said to me "Hey, would you mind if I came over to your place for a coffee?..then we can continue our chat". I agreed, although I actually didn't really want her to come over, I was knackered, my house was a mess...but it was only for a coffee, so I could cope for that long.

She stayed for 4 and a half hours....not 1, not 2 not 3, but 4 AND A HALF!

She talked alot about her past jobs and her life as she was growing up....some of what I heard made me a little uncomfortable, but she was really going for it...purging it all. She made herself two more coffees (after I made the initial one), smoked 8 cigarettes (yeah, I counted stubs in the ashtray later). At around 8.30pm I asked her if she was hungry..."No thanks, I'm fine". By 11.30pm, my stomach was growling and I was lying horizontal on the sofa yawning, as she made mention yet again of leaving.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she eventually left. I think perhaps she's lonely and keen on making new friends, and I'm happy for her to find one in me...but....it was all a bit too much, too soon for me. I've only known her 3 weeks. Saturday confirmed my suspicions....I received 19 emails....all fuzzy, warm friendship ones....the up-side of that, is that they were all forwarded, so someone had obviously sent them to her first....which means, she does actually have other friends...which means, I'm not going to turn into her new best friend. (For the record, I actually don't like those kind of emails...in fact they annoy the shit out of me and my limited monthly gig traffic.)

An hour after I'd deleted the emails, I got a text message....I responded (if there's nothing I hate more, it's being ignored, so I try my best never to ignore anyone)...so, I responded. Then I got a phone call from her...and an invitation to join her to watch the fireworks display on the beach. A lovely thought, but not for me. I was staying put to spend some time with Walker (who incidentally, I fell asleep on while he was reading to me, heh).

Anyways....to get back to the initial subject of this post....there are some things we can do, that we later look back on and think "I can't believe I did that!". I've heard stories of women scorned via their partners or ex-partners. Women who have poured acid over their ex's BMW's. One woman who had recently split from her man, still had the key to his house. While he was away on business for a couple of weeks, she went in one day and sprinkled grass seed all over an expensive persian rug he cherished. Each day, she'd go back and sprinkle water on it...and by the time he got back, it was healthy thick grass ready to be mowed.

Then of course, there's the famous email about the lady that went through the house and sewed raw shrimp into the hems of all the curtains. After various searching and use of cleaning products and carpet cleaning services etc, the stench became so much for her ex and his new lady, that they eventually moved house...taking the curtains with them.

So, my question to you today is...have you ever done anything in the past that can make you say...."Yeah, I was THAT psycho!" ? And if so...what was it or, god forbid, they?
Saturday, November 05, 2005

Vegas Memories

It's Saturday morning here...and you know what means don't you?...that means it's time for "Let's Re-Visit BlogPosts From the Past!"

"Come on down....Sara... err...Lisa..uh...*flips card over*...yeah it was Sara back then...*ahem*...COME ON DOWN SARA!!"

*the crowd goes wild*

ok, so the crowd didn't really go wild. and anyone that wasn't around to read the change in my name a few months ago will have no idea what I'm going on about. Besides, is it such a bad thing to have a small element of mystery about me?

This is a post I published back in February this year....it's one of three that I wrote...all on the same day. Imagine that? Me posting 3 times in one day? The two readers I had way back then must've been beside themselves with joy about it. (Now, now, H&B and Bella don't look like that...I AM a joy to behold...admit it. *pokes tongue and grins*)

Oh dear, there I go doing all that digressing shit again...right....with a few tweaks here and there, let's just get on with it shall we?

*clears throat*

*****

Before I arrived in Canada last October, I stopped off in Vegas for 4 days first. My best friend has always wanted to go to Vegas, so we went.

I found it a loud, bright city that never goes to sleep but it was fun, and quite the experience. All those chandeliers in the lobby, the smiling croupieres, the swiftness of the card dealers, the cocktail waitresses wearing next to nothing (bonus no. 1); scantily dressed waitresses (bonus no. 1); said waitresses offering up free...yep FREE....cocktails (bonus no. 2); getting lost amongst the aisles of slot machines; going down to reception dressed in my pjamas to ask for another key because I'd locked myself out of my room; being ALLOWED to smoke indoors (bonus no.3); cocktail waitresses...oh.

My best friend had a 'thing' about the craps table. She spent most of the time we were in Vegas, propped up against it. Eventually, I pulled myself off the cocktail waitress roulette table and turned up beside her. Me: "Wha's sshup?!" Her: "Have you been drinking??" Me: "Well...Duhh!"
First time I’ve ever had a go at craps and oh my god... I had an amazing roll of luck. I continued to throw 7’s to the point where strangers were calling me “baby” and applauding! I threw the dice so many times I could feel my right bicep growing and I was working up a sweat. (I only hit my friend twice with them bouncing off the table...serves her right for standing at the opposite end of the table I reckon). The dealer continued to place the dice in front of me, just out of reach until I finally realised that each time I picked up the dice I was leaning forward just the right amount for him. One very intense look of "stop-perving-at-my-tits-you-wanker" aimed at him, was enough to have him start placing them in the right position for me, not for him.

My girlfriend spent that evening standing beside a member of the FBI, apparently there was a conference in town. Actually I’m not sure “standing beside” is the right phrase...she was batting her eyelashes, leaning against him, making innocent comments about handcuffs, and he was lapping it all up to the point where he was still there at the craps table at 8am the following morning. I know this because we had arranged to go to the Grand Canyon and the bus was picking us up at 6.15am. I basically swept passed the table enroute to the bus gathering her up along the way.



There really is no way to describe seeing the Grand Canyon. An absolutely spectacular sight. We could’ve quite happily sat there for hours just staring and taking it all in. The sun was shining brightly through the clouds, illuminating various parts of the canyon. Here I was, looking upon one of the 7 wonders of the natural world being highlighted by mother nature...it was breathtaking.

Back to Vegas...the streets were so very clean...do they have some special little elves hiding around every corner with brush and shovel? Do said elves leap out and sweep up cigarette butts and dropped candy wrappers, rushing back to their respective hidey holes again? We could’ve walked anywhere on Las Vegas Boulevard barefooted and returned to the hotel without anything but dust attached to the bottom of our feet.

I actually felt very secure in Vegas, the city has a certain feeling of safety that made me comfortable about walking around by myself and not clutching my valuables to my chest - all the time looking over my shoulder and glaring at anyone nearby. Before I’d arrived, I’d had major visions about harming strangers that even accidentally brushed alongside me, immediately and with great enthusiasm. I was pleased I didn’t have to bring that into reality.

Did you know you can’t hail a taxi in Vegas? Now I've seen this done on tv, so I knew all the right ways to throw my arm out and yell "Oi Taxi!" Penny and I were both hanging off the side of the curb outside the Bellargio (that's apparently where Oceans 11 was filmed, bit of trivia for you) trying our luck. Penny even tried pulling up the leg of my pants to see if that worked while we were yelling (that's probably the reason they didn't stop). Anyway, no luck whatsoever.

The following day, my best mate and I went back to Old Vegas...after shopping and me picking up an 18 pack of some special beer you can't get in Vancouver for Penny's husband...I tried my luck again at hanging off the curb and hailing down a cab. The cabbie that shot passed actually yelled back at me "Can't pick you up here Lady!" blah.

More walking to find the nearest taxi stand (my beer carrying arm felt like it was now scraping along the ground). And lo and behold, we get the cabbie that yelled back at me. He was actually rather lovely. And the fact of the matter is....noone is allowed to hail cabs in Vegas. In fact, it's illegal for the taxi drivers to pick up anyone trying to flag them down. You can only be picked up at the designated taxi stands...mainly outside the hotels.

All these taxi stands are under video surveillance, which is certainly a good security measure for the patrons of Vegas. This is to stop cabbies picking up little old ladies that may have just struck gold at the casino and run off with their money I guess. And ok, if I'd actually won a decent sum of money, I really wouldn't have wanted someone, who I expected to deliver me safely to my hotel, to knock me on the head and take off with it. (This is where my earlier vision of paranoia would come in handy I suppose).

****

Ok that's enough reminiscing for now. I've gotta dash...I have to pick up some new contact lenses...go collect my chicken and white wine pie - which I left behind at work yesterday...and I have an 18 month old to chase around the sidelines of a softball field.

Have a great weekend all!
Friday, November 04, 2005

Moose.Yuk. Aaah

When I was growing up, my parents instilled general manners in me. You know the kind...

No hitting your sisters or you'll get the bash
No biting your sisters, or you'll get the bash
(I can't include my brother because all I did was cuddle and squeeze him)
No elbows on the dinner table.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom
Don't EVER lie...because I will always know...I can tell by looking into your eyes if you're lying (closing my eyes didn't work...get caught lying and you'll get the bash)
Always say "please" if you're asking for something.
Always say "thank you" if you've been given anything.
Don't talk with food in your mouth.
No swearing, or you'll get the bash.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Don't fart at the dinner table. (Doing this can make a delicious meal instantly taste like crap...it's a big no no. My ex did this once years ago...to be met with a look from 5 year old Cameron and "Aw Dad, now my food's gonna taste like poos")
Eat everything on your plate that's put in front of you

Now...that last one can find me in some interesting situations. When I was younger I had a thing about eating meat...not that I was a budding vegetarian or anything, but I would sit at the dinner table chewing, chewing, chewing. (Writing this now, it's making me wonder if it was my Mum's fault for not cooking better.) While all this chewing was happening, I was usually the only one left at the table. The rest of them had finished and buggered off to do whatever they did back then...I don't know what that was cos I was busy chewing and gagging.

My father would yell out to me from the lounge "If you haven't finished that in the next 10 minutes I'm going to come back in there and give you the bash!" Well sheesh...there's incentive to make my throat close up right there. Then: "1....2....3.....4...." Mum interrupting "Kingi, that's seconds, not minutes". (You tell him, Mum!) Being brought up with all kinds of pets, I have to wonder where the dogs were at the time...they could've saved me from many a chewing/gagging dinner session.

As I grew up, meat got easier to deal with but there have been a few other things that I can't stomach. Things like haggis, kidneys, liver. These are things that I try my best to avoid. Capsicum is another one. I've even told people I'm allergic to it so they don't serve it up to me *blush*. (Yet, it's an important part of my vegetarian lasagne..which I certainly eat, so I don't know what's up with that).

While in Canada last year, I discovered one more to add to the list. Moussaka. I discovered this at a very inappropriate time. While I was at Walker's parents for dinner. We had been there for dinner the week before with a friend who'd come down from Toronto to stay for a week (the fact she stayed for a whole week is another post entirely lol)....this friend of ours loved moussaka...and said so very loudly...yet Walker's mum hadn't cooked it that night. It was served up the following week after our friend had returned to Toronto.

Walker's parents always served up so much food, the dinner table was covered with all manner of home baked bread, chicken, pork, salads etc. Obviously the moussaka was present too. I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy it too much, but what the hell...can't say that unless I try it...no proof otherwise right? I felt obligated to take a small portion of moussaka.

Eggplant...hmm...looks like a big swollen kidney to me. I cut a small piece off my portion and put it in my mouth....the moment it went in, my mouth wanted to reject it immediately. I was sitting there with a mouthful of moussaka, wanting desperately to spit it back on my plate. The thoughts were running amock in my brain...they were having a damn party up there and laughing their arses off at my dilemma.

- I have to eat this, I've been brought up to eat everything I'm served up.
- How stupid that I should serve this up to myself...what the hell's wrong with me??
- Oh god, this wasn't even cooked for me
- Maybe I could spit this into my napkin? No...too obvious
- But the thought that this wonderful woman cooked this especially is very touching
- Damn [friend from Toronto's name]! This was all her fault!
- The woman who cooked this is my boyfriend's mother
- I've already had to endure his father's home made wine, several times...I think that should be enough physical sacrifice for one trip
- I have an impression to make here...spitting out food is not a good one
- I should be saying "Mmmm, delicious" or something akin to that, but I'd be lying
- I can't even chew this and breathe through my mouth at the same time...that would mean I'm showing the contents of my mouth...oh god, oh god, oh god!
- What to do? What to DO??!

I looked at Walker. He wasn't going to be any help, he hates the stuff. In fact, I do believe he looked amused. There was no way I was going to be able to finish the portion that was still on my plate. But the least I could do is finish what was in my mouth. I chewed slowly, politely...and swallowed. I have no idea what my facial expression looked like, and although I did my best not to betray the above thoughts, I expect it was apparent I wasn't enjoying it.

I washed it down with his Dad's home made wine...It may wipe out my gizzard in the process, but I felt sure it would kill my tastebuds too, and as far as I was concerned, that's all that mattered.

So...yeah...Moussaka is now on the list. Anything you can't stand to eat?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Come in no. 20,000...Can You Hear Me no. 20,000?

I'm not supposed to be here.

It's 11pm and I was in bed.

I've been in bed since 8.30 tonight watching tv. This is mainly due to the fact that my TV in the lounge is broken. Last Sunday in the middle of the boys watching a DVD the screen chose to collapse in on itself basically. Which actually means I have two very skinny horizontal lines across the centre of the screen.

I rang for the repair man. He turned up, carried it away and we haven't seen it since. It's caused a void in our lounge...or as Ryan said "Wow, it's left a big hole!" lol I have no idea when it's going to return, but it better because I'm getting a stiff neck watching the one hoisted up in the corner of my bedroom for too many hours.

So....that's where I've been. Watching telly. In my bedroom. All 14 inches of it. Boo.

Course seeing as I've been watching tv for a couple of hours in bed...I turned it off ready to retire for the night...and "bing"...my eyes didn't want to be in bed anymore. Thus, here I am, writing a post I wasn't going to write, but only because I came in here for a quick look and noticed the numbers on the site counter.

I'm THAT close to reaching 20,000. Well I'm not, but I'm certainly closer than I was a couple of months ago. So I thought I'd bring it to your notice (al la Jo *mwah*) and should you be the one that clocks up the 20,000th visit here, let me know. I'll send you something spectacular...like a Christmas Card.

And no cheating, you aint allowed to continually refresh the page to make it happen (you know who you are!).

Any takers?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005

He Thought, She Thought

John asks Paula to go to dinner and they have a great time. In fact, they get on so well they decide to go steady. A year later they're driving home from the movies and Paula asks John what he would like to do to celebrate their first anniversary. John says, "We could order in some pizza and then watch the golf on TV!" Paula becomes silent. John suspects there's a problem and says, "Well, if you don't want pizza we can order Chinese." Paula replies, "Fine!" and remains quiet.

John is thinking, "A year already! So it was January when we started going out and that's when I bought this car so it's due for its 12 months' service. That mechanic said he'd fix that flickering oil light on the dashboard...and that gearbox still isn't working properly!"

Meanwhile, Paula is thinking, "He doesn't think much of our relationship to want to watch TV and eat pizza on our anniversary...the next thing he'll want his friends over as well. I'd like a candelit dinner, some dancing and talk about our future. This relationship obviously isn't as important to him as it is to me. Maybe he's been feeling confined by it. I want a stronger commitment from him but he's feeling threatened - come to think of it, sometimes I wish I had a little more space myself so that I could spend more time with my friends. In fact, I need more time to think about where this relationship is heading. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep dating or are we going to get married? Have kids? Or what? Am I ready for this level of commitment? Do I really want to be with him for the rest of my life?"

John notices the oil light flickering again, frowns and thinks, "Those idiots at the garage promised they'd fixed that light and now the car's almost out of warranty!"

Paula is watching him and starts on another train of thought. "He's frowning...he's not happy...I bet he thinks I'm too fat and I should improve the way I dress. I know I should wear less make-up and exercise more. He always talks about how fit my friend Carrie is and that I should go to the gym with her. I've talked to my girlfriends about this they think that John should love me the way I am and not try and change me...maybe they're right!"

John's thoughts, however are miles away. "I'm gonna tell those mechanics where to get off! I'll tell them to go and get..."

Paula, still looking at John's face, thinks, "He's really upset now...I can see it on his face and I can feel his tension. Maybe, I'm reading him wrong...maybe he wants more of a commitment from me and he's sensed that I'm feeling a little unsure about how I feel. Yes, that's it! That's why he's not talking to me...he doesn't want to open up to me about his feelings in case I reject him. I an see the hurt in his eyes."

John is thinking, "They'd better get it right this time! I told them I was having poblems and they blamed the manufacturer. They'd better not try and tell me the problem isn't covered under warranty or they'll have a fight on their hands...I paid a fortune for this car so they can just..."

"John?" says Paula
"What?" snaps John, annoyed at having his thoughts disturbed.
"Please don't torture yourself like this...maybe I'm wrong to be thinking this way...Oh, I feel so bad...Maybe I just need some time...I mean life wasn't meant to be easy..."
"That's for sure!" John grunts.
"You probably think I'm being foolish, don't you?"
"No" says John, confused.
"It's just that...oh, I don't know any more...I'm confused...I need some time to think about this," she says.
John thinks, "What the hell is she talking about? I'll just say 'OK' and she'll be over it tomorrow. It must be that time of the month."

"Thank you John...you don't know how much this means to me," she says. Looking into his eyes she realises he is a very special person and she will need to think very hard about this relationship.

She tosses and turns all night and the next morning calls her friend Carrie to discuss it. They decide to meet for lunch and talk about John and the problems. Meanwhile, John went home, opened a beer and turned on the TV. He thinks Paula has some sort of problem, probably PMT.

Paula and Carrie meet the next day and talk well into the night. A few days later, John is talking to Carrie's boyfriend Mark who says, "So you and Paula are having problems, eh?" John is now completely confused. "I don't know what she's talking about!" laughs John "...but take a look at this oil light and tell me what you think..."

***

I don't believe this is the way that everyone in a relationship thinks, but isn't it interesting how sometimes we can be so far apart in our thought processes with one another?

UPDATE: I need to add this due to the fact that it never occurred to me that you may think that I wrote this myself. And why wouldn't you? Everything else on here has been written by me unless I've stated otherwise. We'll have to put this down to a "doh!" moment on my part. My apologies, I can't take any credit for this.

The above scenario between John and Paula is an extract from a book called "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" - Alan and Barbara Pease. I read this book several years ago...found it enlightening in some respects, fascinating in others. At times I would think "OMG, that is SO true!"...other times I'd be thinking "You've GOT to be kidding me??" lol Anyway, in my humble opinion, it's worth the read.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tough Smiles

I wasn't feeling so grand this afternoon...in fact I thought I was going to puke (there ya go, two posts in a row mentioning spew, mark it up). I went and lay down at about 1pm and slept for 3 hours straight. My body obviously needed it. Seemed like something was outta whack. When I woke the boys had arrived home from school and I made the decision to take them out for dinner.

Just down to my favourite local bar. It was a pleasant experience for the most part. They actually acted their age.. Most of the time, when we're out for dinner, they tend to poke and prod at each other, clown around etc, I'm sure they do it to wind me up.

I pulled my camera out...

"Mess with our Ma and you'll have us to deal with"



Yeah right. Pfft.



A poor attempt at the Halloween spirit.



I told them to stop larking about "Could you please give me a nice picture for your Uncle David". Cameron put his hand up "Wait! Wait! We need to get a smiley face on" They both contorted their features rubber-like. I rolled my eyes.


What a transformation.