Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Healthy?...'Snot Likely

There are three adult sized bodies in this house.

Three bodies filled with mucous...phlegm, snot...whatever you wanna call it, we've got it.

Coughing...sneezing....watery eyes...running noses....it's all here on show for anyone that gets too close.

This equates to garbage bags full of tissues...

Residents not getting out of bed early...some not getting out of bed at all...

No housework being done (like there's a new thing *snort*)...

Main food consumption....lemons....honey....boiled water (new food group)....

Me taking the kids to the doctor, who only had one free appointment, but kindly squashed in both because I whined to the receptionist "I just don't know which one needs it most...can you please ask him he'll see both??"

Quote for the day: "It hurts like hell when I cough...and there's chunks in it...and it's flourescent green...no, honestly Mum.....fluorescent green!"

Thus here we sit, tanked on antibiotics, pholcodine syrup, breath smelling faintly of citrus, with tissue paper stuck up our nostrils.

Wanna see?

Didn't think so.
Sunday, August 27, 2006

If Our Backs Should Ever Be Against the Wall

There are very few people in this world that know me. I mean really know me deep down inside. They're the ones that really get me. They're the ones that I put my trust in and rely on for the support I might need from time to time. They're the ones I respect the opinions of most and would be there in a heartbeat to help if they ever needed me, and vice versa.

Those few people are the ones you share your inner thoughts and feelings with. They know pretty much how you'll react to any given situation and there are private jokes bandied about between you. They make you laugh until you cry...because you get it...they get it...there are mental 'high 5s' going on, and you both know it...thus you laugh harder.

There's an extra special sweetness having people like this in your life isn't there? It's like a warm kindred blanket that keeps the cold out on the most dismal of days.

United we stand...

So, what occurs if the trust we have in that person starts to falter? Something happens and despite the best intentions on everyone's behalf, the foundation starts to tremble. Everyone runs around trying to cover their own arses and there are mountains of justifying and explaining going on to back track. Stress levels sky-rocket, guilt is overwhelming, pride makes you dig your heels in and you become bloody-minded about the situation.

Personally? I'm not great at letting go of grudges in this respect. You lie to me, twist situations, withold information and blow the trust I feel for you?...and I stop cold in my tracks and reconsider the depth of that friendship. Is that normal? I would've thought so. Maybe I'm wrong, but is it not natural to start questioning that previous loyalty? And has the damage not now already been done? What are the possibilities of you ever trusting that person again so wholeheartedly with reckless abandonment on absolutely any subject?

And then the realisation comes....perhaps they didn't know each other as well as that after all? Yet, perhaps they felt so secure in their friendship they thought that any hurdle could be overcome? Maybe, maybe not.

So for the time being, you sit back, take stock...nurse those hurts, trying to adjust to this change that has come about in your life. And you ache for that closeness again but the seed of doubt has been planted and you no longer feel you want to share details of your life with that person. You feel they have just lost the rights to hearing what's going on in your mind. And although you know, that you would still be there in a heartbeat to help them in a time of need...things are never going to be the same again.

Divided we fall...
Thursday, August 24, 2006

Let's Hear it for the Boys!

Cameron was 9...Ryan was 8....I was 30-mumble-mumble.

We were at my nephew-in-law's 21st birthday, and it was just over 6 months since my husband and I had separated. Man, my kids were cute back then...can't call them cute now, my teenagers are too big and smelly to wear that label, but back then? they were cute and still cuddly and on the more innocent side of life.

Back to my nephew's 21st....a karaoke machine was involved for entertainment purposes and it was brought out around 9.30pm when most people had had their fill of karaoke-inducing supplements. They were ready to get the place rocking...well, some of them were anyway.

Now, this can be a fun thing right? I've partaken a few times myself in the past...usually due to too much alcohol. By that stage I don't care much what I sound like, let alone what they think I sound like. The world is my stage and you will pretend to be entertained damnit! You may kiss my feet.

Ryan, bless him, had decided he wanted a go. He was always more confident as a youngster...he was great at starting up conversations with just about anyone about anything. (Hence his wee chat with a teacher who was busy sweating and complaining while she shovel-mixed concrete for the new school playground we were putting up. "Hello Mrs Bing! Are you having a lover-ly time digging today?!". He was 4.)

The microphone beckoned. He chose a song and waited for his name to be called. What can happen at some of these events, is that whoever is running the machine, is not necessarily sober. Furthermore, they may think that children can be overlooked..time and time again. Each time a different name was called, I watched my youngest son's face fall.

To all you Mum's out there?....I know I don't need to tell you how that made me feel. I told him to be patient and I was sure his turn would be soon. He inched closer to the karaoke machine, making sure he was in the operator's line of sight. The more he got ignored and shoved further down the list, the redder the surroundings became to me.

I approached her, I wasn't rude, in fact I was very polite (yeah whatever, but I really WAS). I told her he'd been waiting a long time and I was pretty sure he'd been overlooked and could she please let him sing now? My body language may not have been as docile....the mic was handed over.

He sang...loudly...gorgeously out of tune...couldn't keep up with the words...didn't even know the song...but did anyone care? Of course not....he got a great deal of applause and whoops and he came away from that thing beaming so widely, he could've lit up a ballpark. I was that proud of him.

Observing all this glory, Cameron now wants a go...all that adoration should not be given to his brother alone...he wanted to share the limelight. He wanted to, yet he was shit scared of doing so. I tried to encourage him, told him it was really quite a simple process...find a song he recognised...sing into the microphone...follow the words as they light up on the screen....piece of cake. "Yeah?"....."Yes hun, it's that easy"..."Ok...can you do it first then?"

Did I want to sing in front my in-laws en masse, after I'd recently dumped the arse of one of their favourite kin? No. Could I see a way of backing out of the "leading by example" maxim? Err...No. Had I had enough alcohol to do this without giving a shit? Definitely not.

But when it got to the nitty gritty, I really didn't feel I had a choice. My son wanted to have a turn, and he wanted me to go first. What better way to show him how easy and unscary it can be but to do it myself first as he'd asked?

I figured I had plenty of time to psyche myself up because I gave the book to the kids to find something for me to sing. They fell on that folder with the enthusiasm of rabid dogs jumping at wounded prey. Back then we had a very popular kids show celebrity who the boys absolutely loved. The year before he'd released a video and there was a song on it that got played ad nauseum in our household.

Unfortunately, it was on the list.

I stood up there and sang/talked my way through "These Boots Are Made for Walking" with both boys standing beside me. I pretended I didn't have a care in the world that there was a possibility I could be banished from this lovely family for all eternity. I avoided looking at my ex's face the entire time and focussed on singing it to my children instead.

As uncomfortable as I was with their choice, and as inappropriate as it was at the time....it was worth it to see the bright smile on Ryan's face again and hearing Cameron proudly say "That's MY mother" to anyone who would listen.

And even after putting his mother through that, the little bugger still wouldn't do it!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Unfinished Business

Do you know how many half finished posts I've got sitting in my draft folder? 6. That may not be many for some of you, but it's a shitload for me. I never keep drafts. I write, I publish, I answer comments.

In the last week, I've dedicated two posts to the lovely Maldita and my new template overhaul. And I sit here starting to write about something else, anything else and get half way through and...*poof*...it's gone.

Now is not a good time for me to be struggling with writer's block...I have this classy new template...it deserves to be shown off to the world! My blogging gene seems to have disappeared...I haven't even answer my comments from the last post (Thank you to all that commented, I really do appreciate hearing from you.)

Back to the template for a mo...the header photo got changed to try and get away from portraying this as being a mushy lovey dovey site (even though it's been that way in the past). Course, it now could be seen as a mummy blog, and while I have no problems with being a parent at all...I'm not what you'd class as a "Mummy" these days. Not with two hulking teenage boys around...they'd rather jump off a tall building before they called me Mummy again. I could alleviate this by changing my title, but as cheesy as it looks, it's my title and been part of my life for over 18 months now...so it stays for the moment.

What I've decided to do, is put my content in your hands and get you to ask me any questions you like. Phil, we can skip the "Why are we here?" stuff too ok? My brain is not up to coping with too much depth right now (if ever lol) and it's likely my response would be "Because we are" lol.

If you have any questions you want to know about me and the kids or anything about New Zealand or whatever...shout it out in my comments and I'll do my utmost to give you a decent response. It's about the best I can come up with for the time being. Besides, for all I know you might have some burning questions...now's the time for you to bring out the bellows.

So...interested? Someone? Anyone?!

(Good Lord, see that?? I actually completed a post! Whoot!)
Monday, August 21, 2006

Out of the Mouth of Babes...Pfft!

Yesterday, Cameron tells me he thinks I've been unduly tough on our friend Maldita, after I told him that I had sent her copious amounts of emails.

"Oh no, you didn't?"

"Yeah I did....here...look" *scrolling down my "sent items" mail folder for him*

"Aaww Mum...I feel really sorry for that lady"

Today, as I was sitting here staring at the screen I remarked to him....

"Now that I've got this elegant new look, it makes me feel like I have to write something deep and meaningful. Yet I don't have anything deep and meaningful going on in my head right now" *sigh*

"Shot Mum...for doing a great job of screwing yourself over" *smirk*

He had a good laugh about that.

Little shit.
Friday, August 18, 2006

What Say You? - Take Two

For the longest time I've been bored shitless with my template...you all know it...I've harped on enough about it. The other day I came across the blog of a lovely lady who designs templates...templates full of colour and fun and just about anything you can think of. She will put together an idea you give her and run with it.

Furthermore...she will bend and weave her skills to chop and change things around to your suit every whim.

I know this because I've just put her through as much bending and weaving as her poor young body can probably handle. But let me add, she's a flexible little sucker and has proven herself to be made of magic rubbery stuff that never breaks, by putting up with my requests and demands.

And trust me....I had plenty of them. You know the kind? Like..."can we change this?"....then "maybe put this here?"...."and hey how about we put these over there?"..."oh and let's take that bit out ok?".....and then the "Ok, let's forget all that other stuff and do this instead".

Maldita, thank you so much for taking what would only have been an arduous task for me, and giving my page a makeover. You saved me from plenty of frustration, swearing and allowed my blood pressure to remain stable. I love this new look. It's simple and sleek with a quiet elegance...unlike anything I am in real life of course, but if I can have it on 'paper' then who am I to say no??

We're still messing around with fonts and colours for the moment, but this is the final draft. There'll likely be some slight changes over the next week or so, but nothing major. (Notice how I keep saying "we", as if I actually had anything to do with it??)

Please let me know if you're having any problems with viewing when you enter this page. Can you think of a better colour for the text in the sidebars?...do you think the picture at the top left of the header is too corny? (go figure you all say "yes" to that, it's my only personal contribution lol).

Anyway, whatever you think of this new layout, I'd be more than willing to hear your thoughts, all of them, honest positives and negatives. What are we, if not a faithful blogging community that can all push Maldita around together?? lol

And to think, this all started because of a comment I made about trying to get rid of the orange square from the top corner of my page lol.

If you're looking for a change, and want someone to boss around for a few days...I would highly recommend that you visit this delightful young woman yourself!!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Fruit Anyone?

Quick post tonight. And yes I know I'm lacking depth at the moment, but hey, a girl's gotta take the opportunity to be light when she can...especially when she weighs as much as yours truly does. 'Nuff said.

Wanted to bring something to your attention. It's quite possible you've already seen this...I've been messing around in this site for several months off and on now but only just ordered something from it a couple of weeks ago. (Yeah, I'm slow, I know it, you know it, we all have to live with it.)

If you want the best quality products at highly discounted prices, this is the place to go. Cosmetics, fragrances, skincare etc...and don't be thinking it's ONLY for the women either. There are a HEAP of mens products available. You don't have to fill anything in unless you buy, and that's great as far as I'm concerned....I can't be bothered with websites that I have to join before I can see anything. They annoy the crap outta me.

Anyway...Lancome, Estee Lauder, Christian Dior, Clinque, Armani, Aramis, Bvlgari, Yves St Laurent, Kouros...whatever you want...it's ALL there. And another of the other great things about it...there's no shipping costs. Absolutely none.


strawberrylogo

Click Here to Enter


I ordered my signature perfurme...Red by Georgio Beverly Hills, 90ml. Paid NZ$85.50....it would have cost me over $130 if I'd bought it in the store here. Easy as pie, I placed the order...even got a free eyeliner pencil (Belleza) for my trouble. My parcel arrived 5 days later...5 days! (do I need to remind you where I live??). It was gift wrapped in silver foil paper. What a great way to shop for birthdays, christmas, anniversaries or just for the hell of it cos you can, Yay!

I'm obviously more than impressed if I'm talking about in on here right? You know I don't bother bringing up subjects unless they're impressive to me right? Ok, for the moment, lets forget about the poo stuff and the toilet maintenance (although that was impressive, no?) but I mean, for site pimping. I only pimp what I thoroughly enjoy reading, or what I totally believe in.

So yeah, I'm sold, and you may be too, so check it out. But be careful, I can see it being dangerous for some lol. Oh and remember that you need to change the currency to your country's...that's most important or you'll be completely taken aback at the cost that comes off your credit card lol (I shouldn't laugh really, I myself have been the victim of a ghastly exchange rate befalling my beloved MasterCard.)

Do you have a website that you think deserves a plug? One that you're SO impressed with you'd risk alienating your readers for by advertising it as blatantly as I have?

Let's have it...I'm all ears...er...eyes.
Monday, August 14, 2006

What Say You?

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts lately, tonight more than usual. My brain does not want to function properly. I suspect it just doesn't want to try and categorise all the thoughts it's hoarding.

I'm going to have another attempt at fiddling around with my template. Barely much of a fiddle at all, but enough to at least get that damn orange square out of the top left hand corner lol.

I'm also thinking of changing the name of it (my site that is, not the orange square). When I first started writing, this blog was for purging. With everything that was going on at that time, I needed somewhere to spit it out. Regardless of whether anyone read it or not...it helped immensely to put it down on 'paper'.

I wanted that out quickly. So I came to blogger...created a blog...and because of, what from the outside can only be described as some kinda warped triangle affair, the first thing that popped into my head was "Internet Lovers". I still chat with one of the gentlemen involved back then, the other has chosen to cut all contact entirely, and I understand and respect his decision.

Anyway, regardless of the fact that there are three desktop computers and one laptop in this house...and the fact that all three people that live in this household love the internet with a passion...I think the title "Internet Lovers" has passed it's use-by date. And let's face it...it's kinda cheesy...actually, it's a lotta cheesy.

I'm in two minds about this. I don't know how many others have a blog called "Internet Lovers" on blogger...maybe I'm the only one?...maybe I should hang on to this cheesy title because of that alone? Dunno. But as Cameron said, "Internet Lovers" is a stupid name, how come you couldn't come up with something better than that?" lol

So, I'm asking you. Do you think I should could continue with this title, or change it to something else? And if you think I should change it...do you have any suggestions?

This is otherwise known as 'passing the buck' but I really would like to hear your thoughts on it.
Friday, August 11, 2006

Take Your Knickers Off...And Be Seated

QUICK BLOG PIMP UPDATE: Please feel free to make your way over to my dear friend Freddy's site. He's posted a 'tribute' (and a photo) of my loo episode. Course it's not really my toilet. Oh and while you're there, would you mind clicking on the link at the bottom of the post and voting for him if you've got the time? I hope you do...I'd rather not have a grumpy irishman from Belfast coming down on our heads. Lord only knows what kinda weapon he may whip out if he gets grumpier! (Just kidding Freddy, you know I love ya! *mwah*)

Quick post before I bugger off for the weekend. I was going to try and be a bit more creative and funny in this post. Maybe even chuck a little bit of sexy in there too...but quite frankly...I got none of that in me tonight lol.

Seeing as nobody is curious, I will ask myself for you.

Pretend You: "So Lisa? Did you fix the toilet you were messing around with a couple of posts ago?"

Real Me: "Oh, that old post, we don't have to talk about that...I'm not sure why you even bothered asking."

Pretend You: "No, really...I'm fascinated with the shitter...do tell."

Real Me: "Well ...yes ok, but only because I can see you're on the edge of your chair...far be it for me to keep you in suspense."

Yes...I fixed the toilet.

It took me a lot longer than it should have lol. After taking Cameron to work, I ended up getting so pissed off I yanked the contents of the cistern out, grabbed a towel and sat in the lounge watching tv, using a steak knife and a bit of swearing to get the old washer removed. Yeah that's all it needed...the cistern washer replaced. But hey, I like to try these things myself, and anything 'new' that happens in a DIY sense in this house has to be documented for proof, no matter how large or small the problem.



"I hereby acknowledge that Lisa Blah de Blah, has achieved the replacement of a Dux toilet cistern washer"
( Please press your "Certifiably Approved" stamps across the screen......Ta.)



Honestly I was THAT excited, I went to pick Cam up from KFC...walked into the store and said to him all proudly under my breath.

"Guess what?...I fixed the toilet"
"Hey cool"
*grinning at him and whispering* "I fixed the toilet...I fixed the toilet"
"I'm proud of you Mum.....Want me to tell the guys?"
"Eh?? Don't be silly....................yeah ok..heh"
"HEY GUYS!..."
"Cameron, No!"
"...MY MUM FIXED THE TOILET!" *starts clapping hands*
*confused expressions on work colleagues faces with a spattering of applause*
*blushing furiously* "Time to go home brat"
*smirk* "Just doin' as I'm told"

So yeah, the toilet's fixed, and the bums in the house rejoiced. No more pouring buckets of water down the loo as we'd been doing when needed the 24 hours previously. Hoorah.

Now please don't complain...afterall, I did mention something that has you dropping your pants didn't I? lol

Happy Weekend Everyone!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I Do...I Don't

When a relationship ends, a relationship on any level, but for this post, let's concentrate on the one that's of the most intimate kind...why do some people feel it's ok to sling mud at their ex-partners?

If you're the one that's been dumped, and you're angry as hell that love appears to have been snatched away from you without just cause...then I guess I could understand the attitude more. If you've been cheated on or your partner has been messing around on the net chatting up a sex storm with anyone who'll listen? Then ok, far as I'm concerned, that deserves some action.

But if that relationship has ended with honesty and because things just weren't working and they could see no sign of it having a future...well...that's life. It happens. We can't expect to get on with each and every person we date and see our futures in their eyes can we? And maybe we don't come to this conclusion until we're a bit further down the track into the relationship. There's seems to be no rhyme or reason sometimes for why it happens.

Sometimes things just don't work out the way we expect them to. There can be no foul play on either side, yet the spark is not there, that special x-factor is not a happening thing for one or the other of you...and so by being honest to yourself and with the other person, you bring it to an end.

And this can be when the shit starts.

Why is it that some people feel it's their duty to tell all and sundry their (often blurred) view of the dumper. I've read it on other blogs, I've been a victim of it myself personally, still am to some extent....and I find it completely unnecessary. But...they're hurting, possibly bitter with the why's and why nots of the demise of the relationship...it can be understood that they feel the need to vent.

I've been dumped. There aren't too many of us that haven't been at some time or another. But I don't wax on about it and say I think the other person is an arsehole or a liar or that they don't know what they're missing etc. Would it make me feel better if I did? No, it wouldn't. It would make me feel like shit for discrediting someone that I had loved and muddying the waters of what had otherwise been a good relationship. I do my best to divest myself of that relationship with as much dignity and grace as I can muster.

I've been the dumper. And I've had shit slung at me from the 4 corners of the globe, but I kept my mouth shut and refused to retaliate. By responding in like, would bring me down to a level I abhor in others. Why get into a pissing match with someone who I feel is being irrational? It'd be like trying to reason with a drunk. Forget it. I don't have time to sit here and continually feel I have to justify the fact I no longer wanted that person in my life on that level.

But that doesn't mean to say the dumper can close the door and wipe the slate clean, moving on without having to nurse the hurts of the past and try to learn from them does it? Being the dumper sucks big time. We don't want to purposefully cause hurt to the other person....do people think the dumpers enjoy causing others pain? ok, let's face it, some are nasty pieces of work and go out of their way to do just that...but I'd like to think that normal, sane people don't. They try to do it as with as much respect and honesty as they can. Whichever way, it's never easy.

It irks the shit out of me that some people seem to be so angry at the world and their life that they feel the need to use others as a crutch to take that anger out on. Does it make them feel better by doing so? Yeah, it feels good to vent and get some of those feelings off your chest, but at some point it needs to stop. It's damaging to yourself and others. And hopefully it does stop, and we get over it and ourselves and life goes on.

Whether we're the dumpee or the dumper, we need to remember that the relationship did have love and understanding in it. That we shared some of our most inner thoughts and feelings with that person and vice versa. Every relationship is different...we act differently with each person we get into a relationship with. I've had passionate relationships and boring ones and have loved one man in particular beyond all reason...still do, he could possibly be the end of my sanity lol....but I don't spit out all my anger to everyone else when or if that love dies out on one side.

We all have our opinions on certain subjects, this is obviously only mine. I make my own mind up about people, I don't need someone else telling me what they're about beforehand. I need to find out for myself. We know what we like and what we don't like right? Give the rest of us more credit for making up our own minds. We click with each other differently. One person may hate someone with a passion...another might think the world of them.

Relationships end all the time...it hurts like crazy and we can nurse the wounds for a long time. I can't make a judgement on any or all of the relationships I see happening or not happening on blogland in particular...I'm not in either of those sets of shoes in that specific relationship. Why would I think myself arrogant enough to state facts about something I don't know enough about?

I don't. I talk about what I've learnt through my experiences, and mine alone. I can only read what others say and wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Wonder what the opinion of the other half is, and wish I knew more to give myself a bigger picture. Yet, both sides could have phenomonally different accounts of a situation. Does this make it sound like I try to cover myself on all sides? Quite possibly...but it also helps me avoid getting egg on my face or having to eat my words.

And being the proud son of a bitch I am, I find neither of those scenarios particularly appealing.
Monday, August 07, 2006

Would the Real Parent Please Stand Up?

Me: *admiring the rings in the jewellery shop window* "Look at that one, it's gorgeous"

Cameron: "Come on, you don't need any more, we can't afford it."

Me: "Oh for goodness sake, I'm only looking at it, I didn't say I was going to buy it"

Cameron: *leaning closer, voice low* "Mum, I'm feeling very uncomfortable looking at expensive jewellery, when there's a World Vision stand set up right behind us"

***

Me: *Walking into Ryan's bedroom* "Wow, you've cleaned your room up, it looks terrific!"

Ryan: "Thanks"

Me: "Sooo...how come?"

Ryan: *still playing WoW, not looking at me* "It needed it. And anyway [insert girlfriend's name] is coming over this afternoon"

Me: *mentally gasping but speaking casually* "Oh right...and is her mother aware I'll be at work then?"

Ryan: "It's still under negotiation. Don't worry about it, it's all under control"

Me: "I see...give me her mother's phone number please"

***

Me: "Cameron?!"

Cameron: *emerges from bedroom, walks past toilet door...backs up a couple of steps* "Aw man, what are you doing this time?"

Me: *head down, straddling toilet seat facing the wrong direction and fiddling about in cistern* "I'm being a plumber...Can you go and get me that little pair of scissors in the cabinet drawer please?"

Cameron: "Eh? The ones you use for sewing?"

Me: "Yeah, they're really sharp and small enough for what I need to do."

Cameron: "Why can't we just call Uncle Steve? By the time you're finished we'll have to replace the whole loo."

Me: "Can you hold my hair back so I can see what I'm doing?......thanks honey"

***

Me: *walking toward jewellery shop window* "Hey cool, they've got some new stuff"

Ryan: *arms spread, throwing himself between me and window* "NO!"
Friday, August 04, 2006

Oh Dear - Is That Really My Body?

Anyone that thinks they're carrying around too much weight, check this out.

It served to make me feel rather good about the extra blubber I've got hanging off my body. I'm also hoping it's a photoshop hoax of some sort and that isn't really the body of someone out there in our world. The struggles about weight loss and weight gain are phenomonal from one side of our planet to the other. First and foremost, we should be concentrating on keeping ourselves healthy, and feeling good about the vessel that's carting our souls around...whatever shape or form that may be.

A few years ago I used to go to the gym 4-5 times a week. During my exercise crazed days I wasn't working, so had the time to spend pumping weights and running around the aerobics arena. I was overtaken with the joy of sweat dripping into my eyes and the aching scream of my muscles. The exhaustion that swamped me when I'd stumble through the exit doors after my routine was a satisfying one.

During those years I would look at others working out around me. So many differences, big...small...huge...tiny...short...tall...every possible weight and shape you can imagine. They're all there, for whatever reasons of their own...to drop kilos or beef up muscle etc. It occurred to me that, physically, we are all made up of such different shapes and sizes. Furthermore, we are attracted to different shapes and sizes.

I will confess I used to be attracted to men on the taller side of the scale. God only knows why, being that I'm 5' 5"....trying to kiss someone over 6' 2" can be quite the challenge. I also prefer him to be broad and solid...although in my experience *cough*...it's come to my attention that I really cannot break someone who's on the slighter side. Being overweight and remarkably heavy boned (which is why I weigh so much on the scales - ha! I wish)...I was always under the impression I may injure a slighter built lover.

Imagine my excitement at discovering that it's not possible to actually break a man! Sure, I could put his back out or wrench a muscle or two, but to physically break him so he is no longer capable of loving me another day? Nah. In fact, one of my past lovers was about 5' 2", weighing in around 60kg. Gotta hand it to the little guys. Their determination to get it on with us larger body weights and get the job done, is to be commended. And as far as the really tall blokes are concerned...we're all the same height lying down right?

Male or female...we are who we are and our bodies are as they are. We should take care of them. (Relax, I'm not going to start preaching "my body is my temple".) My preferred body type of the male category still is on the taller side and I still prefer him to be solid and broad but that's just my taste. I like to have something to grab hold of...someone that's not going to be knocked over the moment I throw myself at him (let's face it, I'm a whole lotta woman to have coming at ya). Imagine if you will:

Me: *running across room* "Geronimoooooo!" (or should that be "Vagina!!")
Him: *looking up* "eh? what? uh.."
*CRASH!*
Me: "Oh baby! are you ok? I'm SO sorry!"
Him: "It's ok...I'm ok. Could you please get the fuck off me now?!"

See? Now how sexy is that on the big screen?

My body is going to continue to change even more in size and shape over the coming years...that could be for the better....or it could be for the "OMFG!" worse...but the bottom line is...it's my body...and it's the only one I have. I've been haunted with the genes of the big arse/thighs club....I'm drowned by the destardly polynesian early-grey-haired princess club...I have wide island feet (which would be perfect if I was to be walking across coral reefs on a daily basis)...and I have stretch marks like the railroad tracks at Central Station, running down my stomach.

So...my future plight at this stage is....I shall continue to downplay the size of my arse and thighs by never wearing a string bikini...and I will continue to whinge at Cameron, so he will feel pity for his mother and dye her grey roots. There's not alot I can do about the shape of my feet, but pedicures sure do make them look purdy.

As for the stretchmarks down my stomach? I will continue to wear them with dignity...like a badge of honour...and woe be tied anyone who points at them with distaste. They are the natural tattoos of motherhood for me....a time I rejoiced in my babies growing within...noone will take that pride away from me.

Love it or hate it...your body is here to stay...without it you aint goin' nowhere fast. Make peace with it, nuture it, and try to ensure it stays around for as long as possible.

Right, I'm done. Your turn.

***

I posted this 12 months ago (almost to the day). I've deliberately done it to help give me extra motivation to keep myself healthy. Healthy food sucks sometimes...especially when all you want to do is throw yourself into a vat of chocolate sauce and inhale lol

Happy Weekend everyone!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Let Me Hear It

Vagina. Is it such an ugly word?

If I'm at the doctor's office, then no. If I'm in the throes of passion with someone (chance would be a FINE thing lol), then....well....bleech. Leave it out.

I've just been watching something on telly, where a man breaks up with a woman because she uses the word vagina. Alot. I mean, she uses it while talking during sex with him. It was giving him the creeps.

I have to admit, I can certainly think of better words to use than vagina. And on the male side of things, I definitely wouldn't be saying "I need to feel your penis inside me". Odd...kinda cold....clinical.

"I need penis" ?

"I want to suck penis" ?

"You make my vagina very lubricated" ??

How much more turned on do you think your lover's going to be? They aint, I can almost guarantee it. I say "almost" because you just never know what turns others on.

The fact that the v word has 3 syllables has got to be enough to stop use of it in dirty talk surely. You can't be having long drawn out sentences. Bound to put your partner off. Keep it short, keep it sexy.

As much as vagina and penis have such a necessary role during intercourse...medical terms suck under these circumstances. Talking during sex can make your partner mad with desire....using the wrong words or practically having conversations?...well...yuk. Try that with me, and I'm sorry, but I aint listenin'.

If you don't like to say anything at all, then don't. But for God sake, the least you can do is pant and groan. How's your partner going to know what's working? It's a pain in the arse to be whistling dixie in the dark, because they've no idea what's making you feel good. Give an indication!

I went out with a man for about 4 months who made no sound at all. And I mean, he was SO silent, I couldn't even tell if his breathing had changed. I remember stopping what I was doing once and asking in an exasperated tone "Is this doing ANYthing for you??" It was disconcerting and I got to the point where I'd think "Why am I bothering to put in any effort at all?" For all I knew, I could've just flashed my tits and he might've exploded. (ok, I know that aint true lol)

Make noise people. Whether it be loud or quiet, at least make some sound! We love to know we're giving you pleasure.

Not that I'd know so much these days, it's been a long time since I've used either of those words or made any 'decent' sound between the sheets. It's just not the same talking to yourself ya know? Course, it always helps to have a good imagination.

Ack...sorry Fizz...an "OMG" will be sufficient again if you like lol

Oh, and don't forget 25Peeps.com people, you've managed to help me stay up there for 3 days now. Click here and see if we can make it at least one more day! *smooch*
Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Service with a Smile

Whether you're at McDonalds or some swanky restaurant, if the service doesn't cut the mustard, then there's not a strong chance you'll go back there. Well I won't anyway.

Dealing with the public on a daily basis can be a harrowing experience. I know this because I do it myself. On reception at a busy medical centre, I've had to deal with mental health patients that can be violent (and have been at times)...people irritated because they've waited so long for their doctors...people vomiting on the carpet...others collapsing in front of me. Shit happens (sometimes literally)...it's part of the job.

Keeping it together and continuing to make sure everything else is running smoothly can take it's toll for sure. It's frustrating, not to mention emotionally exhausting to have to deal with this on a daily basis. If you get an argumentative person, you know it's best not to argue back...you bite your tongue and be empathetic to the needs of the "customer". The people I deal with are sick, we expect them to be grumpy and difficult sometimes. It goes with the territory. You learn to how handle the situation as best you can, and if that fails, pull out the gun from under the counter and shoot them. Just kidding.

When it's obvious that the people on the other side of the counter are doing their best to help you out, why would you deliberately put more pressure on them? It only serves to stress them out further and takes them longer to help you. I do what I do because I enjoy it for the most part, I'm good at doing it and I get paid for doing it.

I have stood in queues and watched/listened to staff behind counters discussing their weekends or their children. That's ok, but not when there is a line of people waiting for your attention. Ignoring them only shows how slack you are at your job.

I have had fast food practically chucked at me through the drive-thru window after I've been waiting with my engine running for over 15 minutes, thinking "any minute now, any minute now". How foolish am I to waste my expensive fuel that way?

I have sat at a table for far too long after being seated, and waited for the waiter/waitress to come and take my order. I'm not an unreasonable person, I know that restaurants are busy at peak times, I can be patient and understanding. But when the service I finally get is less than sub-standard, I get pissed off.

There are always going to be times when you feel your feet barely touch the ground....times like these, you can feel you're running around like a headless chicken. There can be so many reasons as to why you can or can't offer the service to your customers quick enough...but does that give you an excuse for treating them poorly? Especially when they're the ones that actually pay your wages indirectly? Without those punters, you have no job. Why can't some people understand that?? Perhaps they just don't care.

I got hired to be respectful and understanding to the patients that walk through the door of our surgery. And that's what I give them. I would rather drive a pencil through my eye than let them see anything different in my manner toward them, regardless of how shitty they can be to cope with.

I expect the same in return from other staff in whatever service industry. If you're running late for whatever reason, you only need let me know. If I can wait, I will....if I can't, I'll leave. But you had the courtesy to give me some kind of status report. It's the least I deserve for frequenting your place of business.

You give crap service, I won't be back. Simple as that. Keep the service friendly and helpful...I'll always be back for more. Happy customers equals lots of cash turnover equals paid bills. Unhappy customers equals empty cash registers equals knocking debt collectors.

I know I'm not alone with this, there are plenty of others that feel the same way. Are we expecting too much?

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Click on this link again and see if we can keep my hands amongst all those boobies on the front page for Peeps. Um..that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean!