Because I can ...

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch!" she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!" *** Despite this being yet another blonde joke to roll my eyes at, it did make me laugh. Then I started thinking about how I would react if I was ever in the ...

I'm getting too surgary. Some of what I've written lately has me feeling like I'm drinking syrup...and seeing as that syrup is not even CLOSE to a good shot of Tequila, then I'm done with it. I'm restless...I'm pre-menstrual. Stop! Wait! Let me explain before you back away slowly from your screen! Having PMS does not always mean I'm gonna get bitchy, k? Oh, don't be such a sissy and sit the hell down. You know I'm harmless. The flip side of how PMS affects me? I'm horny...24/7 horny. I know I'm not the only one that feels the urge so strongly at this time of the month, so I know you get where I'm coming from. The downside of course, is that the object of my desire is out of arms reach. But I've managed to survive this long, so you must know I'm capable of finding strategies to combat the lack of sexual sport myself. Now that I'm the age I am, I HAVE to know how to get through these droughts...it's imperative I d...

There are several things you notice when you're a single female...especially one in her early 40's. I'm not 25 anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm old (I daresay I'm trying to convince myself more than you lol) . From the outside looking in, I'm single....from the inside (that includes you lot, in case you were wondering) , I'm not. But whilst I'm hanging around in limbo, there are those out there that help boost my ego through the empty times when I may be feeling particularly vulnerable. We all have them right? They're out there smiling, winking, charming their way in with their friendly hearts, making us feel important...acknowledging us. Doesn't mean they want to do anything about it, but it helps to fill in time while we wait. Nobody likes to think they're invisible all the time. There are moments when we wish we could hide away from the outside world...even moments when we wish the ground would open up and suck us into it's depth...

I went for a quick squiz though my archives this morning. That was some interesting reading if I do say so myself. But it also showed me how different I'm writing these days. Well, the subject matter more than anything. I went there basically to have a read of what one of my new invitees *cough KC cough* was going to get an eyeful of. Dunno how much he bothered reading, but can I just say now...don't go back there!...don't look!...everything's changed, everything's different, I was a different person back then! Ok, I'm still the same person, so that was a lie *gasp!* You can't knock a girl for trying to bury some of her past when she's feeling slightly foolish about it all now. We all have some regrets at some point that we'd like to lock away in the closet. Good days, bad days, they were and are, a part of life that shapes us. Lessons to be learned and all that blah. I think I used to be more fun back then. Hell, even I was entertained wit...

I've been tagged by Some Mexican Chick ...I'm going to skip the 8 random facts about me, I'm pretty sure I've spilled my guts across these pages over the last few years, so I've chosen to try answering the question only: "I love how you write!" (Thank you!) "Your entries give me so much to think about and sometimes you just crack me up. I hope you never lose that lovely sense of humor" (How kind of you to say *blush*. Again, thank you). "So, taking into consideration your current predicament, do you have a Plan B if something were to not come through? " (Oh!....Crap...*mutter mutter*) That's a pretty hefty question to answer. You and I both know she must be referring to my situation with the currently married Dan and what would I do if he changed his mind and decided to stick his marriage out afterall....or perhaps, our clandestine relationship came to a grinding halt for one reason or another. It'd be safe to say that for som...

It's September 11 today in New Zealand, and while I haven't taken part in the 2996 Project for 2007, I have chosen to repost the one I wrote on this anniversary last year. It amazes me that 6 years have passed already since this tragic event. However, it doesn't amaze me that the void and loss can still be felt as keenly as if it were only yesterday for the loved ones of those fallen. It is also no surprise that the U.S. nation and the world at large still struggle to come to terms as to the 'whys and wherefores' of the entire situation. And putting aside terrorism, war and retaliation, as I sit here today and think back, another thought strikes me (and not for the first time). Life is short. At times it can be incredibly unpredictable...we often have no control over that. What we CAN control is how we live it and the love and happiness we spread around those close to us. The negatives of life in general get in the way of that happening many times over the ye...

Ok, enough dramatics from me. Fact...children are going to get older and leave home. Fact...parents are going to feel the void and adjust in whatever way suits them best. Fact...everyone will get on with their lives, the sun will come up again tomorrow despite drama, hormones and loss. It's important to get these things into perspective. I, of course, occasionally let it all get the better of me and do a Scarlett O'Hara, throwing myself dramatically against the nearest staircase. Besides, he came back to me the following day and the important thing is, he will continue to come home to me. Whether he's living under this roof or not. Fact...I'm his Mum...he loves me...he knows how much I love him...and no amount of land mass or ocean depth will make either of us forget that. No need to cover your ears...I'm not about to burst out with "Aint No Mountain High Enough" . The other night I was watching an ad on the telly for a woman's only gym. Me: "I...

It's Cameron's birthday today. September 1. Born on the 'unofficial' first day of Spring in New Zealand. My hospital room was filled with the most beautiful and vibrant colours from spring flowers this day, 18 years ago. Cameron is on the home stretch through his final year of college (high school)...he's allowed to vote...he's now driving...he has more in his savings account than I do....and today he can go into the local liquor store and purchase alcohol for his party this evening. Next year he starts University. I was going to give him a rice cooker as part of his birthday gifts this year. Yeah, you read it right...a rice cooker. If there's two appliances I know Cameron will want when he moves out of home, they'll be a rice cooker and a blender. The kid could almost live on rice and fruit smoothies alone. And while I know he's not moving out tomorrow, I also know that day is going to come a lot quicker than I'm prepared for. I wanted ...

I know, I know, I've been a ratshit bloggy person of late. *hangs head in shame* Not sure why that is, guess just another one of those slumpy periods when I feel what I've got to say is not newsworthy really. I know many of us go through these from time to time. Despite the lack of an update here, I have been sneaking a look at what you've been up to....keeps me in the loop. It's obvious I'm not the only one that's taking some time out...all those lovely holidays. Makes me envious and greedy to have more. And seeing my brother and his family again, made me come back and start looking up airlines to get to them in Sydney lol. Here's a few pics I took with my phone last week. My gorgeous niece, Lyla (21 months). And the only time she wore this hat and scarf...amazing I managed to snap the pic before she threw them both off again. My brother, David and his fiancee, Nicole. Nicole is pregnant again, due on 23rd December...and this time they're having a bo...

Few of you know I'm on annual leave at the moment. After all the blabbering I did the other week about my job, it was obvious I needed time out. Since last Wednesday I've had some time to mess around at home and get a few things done that I've been wanting to do for a while. I've mucked out Ryan's bedroom, that in itself was quite a feat. Not only was it an arduous task, it also tugged at my heart strings. Like his mother, Ryan is a hoarder...he had every childhood toy, story book, piece of artwork, years of school exercise books and god knows how many clothes that he no longer fits. It was difficult getting rid of so many memories. The kid used to collect rocks...not with a passion of any kind, but he'd just pick one up if he liked the shape of it, the colour etc...I came across stones and rocks...not to mention, sticks...the longer the better. His bedroom's not big at all, but we managed to throw out SO much stuff and move the furniture around in it ...

Me: "It's like I have a wisdom tooth trying to come down at the back." Ex-husband: "But you had all your wisdom teeth out years ago." Me: "I KNOW!" Ex: "Maybe you're a lot wiser than we thought......although I'd find that hard to believe." *** Me: "I've been thinking..." Co-worker: *touching my forehead* "Are you feeling alright?" Me: "ha ha..." Co-worker: *rolling chair out swiftly from under desk* "Here, perhaps you should sit down." *** Doctor: "So, let me get this straight...you thought you might have conjunctivitus and you chose to wear your contact lenses anyway? Me: "Er...yes..." Doctor: *pointing sternly* "NAUGHTY!!" *** Patient: "That's an interesting shirt you're wearing today." Me: "Yes, it's a little different isn't it? Patient: "Did you tie dye it yourself?" Me: "Um, actually it'...

When I walked into work one Friday afternoon a young mum was standing at reception holding her son and asking if there was any chance someone could take a look at him. His temperature was quite high and he'd become lethargic and 'floppy' in the last hour or so. Like most Friday afternoons, we were fully booked, but we always do what we can to accommodate babies/toddlers and the elderly in particular. The nurse checked over the 20 month old boy....one of the doctors was called in to assess him and make sure all was ok. Before she left, the nurse gave Mum further advice on how to cool her son down and what to kept on eye out for. Less than 30 minutes later, I'm sitting at my desk and become aware of someone tooting their horn...I look up to see a car come careering into the carpark, barely stopping short of the entrance. My chair is situated directly in line with the front door, so when I noticed who was driving I literally ran to thump on the nurse's door after ...

Listening to the radio this morning, Polly (the co-DJ with our fabulous Grant), read a letter out from one of their listeners. Apparently this lady (Sarah) had split up with her partner a few months ago...and now had made the decision to go into the sex industry. She'd thought long and hard about it, she had major debts to pay off and for the last 12 months had been contemplating a way to get them out of her hair. She concluded that sex work seemed to be the quickest alternative to deal with it. The reason she was writing to Polly was because her ex-partner came back into her life last week, and he wanted to spend more time with her. She starts her new vocation next week. The question is not whether she should go ahead and still work in that field, but whether or not she should tell her partner. Personally? I don't know how she's going to be able to keep it a secret anyway. If she's totally convinced that becoming a sex worker is the way she wants to go, how coul...

Alice and I met for lunch today. More out of the necessity to vent rather than wanting to share space in each others company I think. From an early morning text conversation between us, it was obvious we were both pre-menstrual and in pretty pissy moods. Men being the main focus of our attention, it was all on. There's a shortage of men in New Zealand. I remember reading about it in the newspapers a few months ago. There are just simply not enough men to keep the female population satisfied. This of course, does not mean, that after reading that article, I decided the only alternative for me was to get out there and try running off with someone else's husband/partner. If my mind was tuned to that way of thinking I would've had a long running affair with a married man years ago. But I didn't, until my current situation...prior to this, I would've never dreamed of going against the grain of what's 'proper' in society. The LAST thing in the world I w...

I had a fairly cruisy weekend. As you may remember, my sister gave me a gift voucher for my birthday for a facial (or whatever I chose). Saturday afternoon I decided to cash it in. I rang and booked (luckily she was free at 1.30 due to a cancellation). She had me up on the bed and told me that she likes to start all her facials off with a back massage. It was bliss. She massaged my back for at least 20 minutes and then had me roll over to deal to my face (so to speak lol). I lay there while she slapped all sorts of organic concoctions on my face, plucked my eyebrows, painted eye masks and whatever blahdy blahs on me. Then she finished off by giving me a scalp massage and rubbed coconut oil etc through my hair. She didn't do that last part until after I told her I wouldn't be going out for the evening, just staying in watching rugby. And just as well, because when I left, I was looking rather greasy, and I stayed that way until I washed it all out of my hair the follow...

Cameron's been feeling somewhat bullied into getting his drivers license. Ok, so his father and I had to eventually do the "cruel to be kind" thing (not too much of the cruel, but you get the gist). For the past two weeks Cam's been stressing about having to take the test. The day he went with his father to book it, the lady behind the counter said "Oh, we've just had a cancellation, would you like to take it tomorrow instead?" Pat told me later the expression on Cameron's face after hearing that was priceless. A mass of panic mixed with trying to look calm. Poor kid, the things his parents force on him haha. Anyway, the big day was today...9am this morning to be exact. He was up early, I made him breakfast (I know, but it was a special occasion no?) and he sat at the table drinking coffee while madly scouring the Road Code. I hovered around him trying not to add pressure haha. He pointed out "The only reason I've agreed to this now i...

I do stupid stuff sometimes. Well, not so much stupid , but silly kinda teenage stuff you know? In fact I don't even know if a teenager would think about doing some of it, let alone do it for real. *shrug* Whatever, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be putting it out on the web to get laughed at by the world (albeit a small but special group of people in the world) . Because Dan is on the south island and because of the complications we find ourselves up against...there is little I can do to have the time with him I crave. If I'm ever down and skating near the fine line of depression about this situation, I think about some of the things I do that keep him close, even if it's not in the way I'd prefer. I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed to share some of this with you, but what the hell, I've no doubt I lost any sense of decency on here some time ago with you lot: - When I go to the orchard I make sure I have his t-shirt with me, and I wear it to bed (I...

The first weekend Dan flew up to Wellington for his course, and a couple of days after receiving that phonecall, we arranged to see each other. Under the circumstances, I was expecting this to be the last time I saw him. As far as I was aware I was going to go out and pick him up on the Saturday morning and we'd spend the day together. BUT, on the Friday, all day I was practically twitching...I wanted to see him more than anything, and the sooner the better. During the day I'd spoken to both Alice and Anna at different times...I told them jokingly, if I could swing it, I was hoping to get him back here on Friday night. Both agreed I should endeavour to do this. Now, some of you know, I have a slight epilepsy condition...well it's only slight because the medication makes it behave most of the time...I don't convulse, the seizures I have mainly affect my eyes. If you know anything about epilepsy, you'll be aware that seizures can be brought on by strobe lighting. Dri...

I made a mistake last post.... it WAS my 500th post, but alas I was foolish enough to go and delete one I noticed on my list that was never published. The upshot of that is, that the newly deleted post was empty anyway. I have no idea why it was even there, but there ya go, it was, and now it isn't...and neither was my 500th post, pfft. Anyway, just another video of me rambling...about the weather, about work and about my kids driving or more to the point, not driving...and God knows why, even about their jeans. I don't know where I get this stuff, but obviously not "Rivetting.com"...*sigh* Have a great week...I'm off to get warm...Yay! Alone...Boo! haha

- not to leave an empty bottle of mulled wine concentrate on the kitchen bench if I don't want Ryan to call me a drunk; - to place the second full bottle at the back of a cupboard where he won't see it; - that asking my mechanic (who can't take a look at my weird-noise emitting car until Fri) "I won't kill myself before then, will I?" and hearing his response of "I hope not", does nothing to reassure my goal of longevity; - the sweetest four year old can warm my heart as she chats happily to the phlebotomist about how she's got new knickers...and 5 minutes later I'm called in to help physically hold her still while she's screaming blue murder; - the boys on their two week break from school appear to be constantly under my feet, when I've barely seen them at all ; - that changing back to my maiden name is an arduous task and one that includes me having to spell and respell it several times because people think they've misheard me;...