Because I can ...

It's been an emotional week thus far, and it's only Wednesday. Yesterday was a horribly difficult day. I hurt someone I love and care very deeply for. I won't go into any detail but it weighs heavily in my heart, and just thinking about it brings me to tears. It's painful to breathe today. Cam's just left the house to sit his Japanese Scholarship exam...God, you'd think the kid was being lead to the gallows. After yesterday, I could just as easily join him in those thoughts. Despite knowing that it's probably best for everyone concerned, well, maybe the right thing anyway, that I take these steps, it doesn't stop me wanting to run away from myself right now.

I registered a new patient at work yesterday afternoon. Her name was Lisa Sara (thank goodness for invite only, can't have her googling herself can we? lol) . That's her full name...Ms Sara...christian name, Lisa. Does anyone else know why I think that's as funny as shit?? **** I was thinking a few days ago that I should've taken up that NaBloPoMo challenge to post every day for the month of November...at least that way I'd be here more often. Every day in fact. (Ya think? *snort*) **** My blogroll has shrunk, as has the 'permissions' list for reading my blog. I went all staunch on both lists a few days ago and knocked off anyone that doesn't bother coming in here anymore...and obviously those that don't post anymore. If I have mistakenly knocked you off my roll in the throes of madly pruning, let me know. (There are actually more people on my permissions list than there are on my roll, not sure how that one works lol.) That's me for the moment, ...

Things continue to change in my life. Of course, we expect that...we're not always prepared for it, and we don't always want it to happen. It seems to me, that just when I'm getting used to one thing, it either disappears, or something else comes along and shoves it out the way. Cameron has all but officially finished college...besides only needing to go back to school on the days that his exams are scheduled, he's done with this chapter of his life. Next year, sometime around February, he'll be a university student. How did this happen??! It seems only moments ago that he was kicking and screaming at the teacher of his new entrants class, as I tried to edge my way out the door. Now here he is...18 years old and about to launch himself upon a university lifestyle, majoring in Computer Sciences and Japanese. Ryan, has decided to go back to school next year. This has come as a complete and utter surprise to his father and I. A couple of months ago, we sat do...

I'm here, honest . I even wrote a couple of posts...then I deleted them cos I thought they were crap. But I really am still around. *presses nose to screen* See?? And just so the words above are not the only ones I post tonight, here's a few more. I'm flying down south to a special man on Friday. And that's very exciting...at least for me lol. Have a fabulous Hump Day my lovelies...I know I will...well, at the end of the week anyway *snort*

I'm doing a crap job of juggling my life at the moment. I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago...the "Travel the Nation" thing at work has motivated me to get my butt into gear and keep moving in a positive direction. In fact Cameron and I both joined the gym on the same day, which is kinda cool. Sometimes we go to the gym together. Which is not such a bad thing, except while I'm walking at what I think is a decent pace on the treadmill...he's running on one beside me. Running! ...bloody show-off kid. I have tried to get him to come to one of the aerobics classes with me...but he's not having a bar of it. He really can't see the merits of the two of us prancing around in sync, wearing matching outfits. He actually shuddered when I suggested that!...What's wrong with the boy?? We mustn't get all excited about this exercise thing ok? As I told Dan the other day, I DID have a cross trainer in my house this time last year. And we all know what happened...

Thought you'd lost me didn't you? Thought I'd run away didn't you?? I know you've been mourning my absence, admit it! lol I've been slack, I know. I've been doing extra hours at work to cover for a couple of ladies on leave, not to mention getting the exercise required to keep doing the "Travel the Nation" thing. So basically, I've been pretty pooped. As some of you may have noticed, I've been sneaking around reading you, but have not spent as much time here doing that as I'd have liked. Hell, I haven't even answered my own comments, let alone put comments out there on your blogs myself. Thank you all so much for your comments, I really do appreciate each and every one. I'm getting slower and slower it seems. I certainly get slower when I'm PMSing, and that's what I've been doing this past week...so, be happy I haven't been bitchin' and moanin' on here at y'all ok? Well, I haven't really been bit...

Huge build up here to the World Cup....lots of cool advertising from the sponsors on the telly...The New Zealand's All Black flags flapping from the windows of lots of patriotic cars driving around the city. Last Sunday morning 8am New Zealand time...All Blacks played against France in one of the quarter finals. I reckon the majority of kiwis were cooking up french toast for breakfast in anticipation of another expected win. Half time score? 13-3 to the All Blacks....Full time score? 18-20 to FRANCE. We freakin' LOST! I have lots to say about the whys etc that we lost, but it won't make a jot of difference will it? It's not like they'll say, "Oh right...Lisa said that the ref was a plonker with some of the calls he made, we better have a rematch if we know what's good for us." Another Rugby World Cup, come and gone...oh well..only have 4 more years to wait for another go (fuck!) . The nation immediately went into mourning. I continued to drive around w...

A few weeks ago, the practice manger at work signed our medical centre up for "Travel the Nation". If we want to participate we put our name on the list and get walking, running, swimming, cycling etc. 30 minutes exercise on the chart equates to 3 kms and as the kilometres add up, you draw your progress on a map of New Zealand. I decided this could be just what I need to get my arse moving again. Chuck a bit of competition in the mix, not to mention the possibility of losing face, I signed up. It's only for a month...from 1 October to 2 November...I ask you... how hard can it be? If I go out walking even just for 30 minutes a day, I'll make it to my sister's orchard by, say, next June lol j/k. Last night I was trying to sort out when I could fit my walk in. Can you believe I was trying to work it around a couple of programmes on the television?? I don't watch a lot of telly these days, but Thursday is one night I make sure I'm parked in front of it. I als...

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch!" she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!" *** Despite this being yet another blonde joke to roll my eyes at, it did make me laugh. Then I started thinking about how I would react if I was ever in the ...

I'm getting too surgary. Some of what I've written lately has me feeling like I'm drinking syrup...and seeing as that syrup is not even CLOSE to a good shot of Tequila, then I'm done with it. I'm restless...I'm pre-menstrual. Stop! Wait! Let me explain before you back away slowly from your screen! Having PMS does not always mean I'm gonna get bitchy, k? Oh, don't be such a sissy and sit the hell down. You know I'm harmless. The flip side of how PMS affects me? I'm horny...24/7 horny. I know I'm not the only one that feels the urge so strongly at this time of the month, so I know you get where I'm coming from. The downside of course, is that the object of my desire is out of arms reach. But I've managed to survive this long, so you must know I'm capable of finding strategies to combat the lack of sexual sport myself. Now that I'm the age I am, I HAVE to know how to get through these droughts...it's imperative I d...

There are several things you notice when you're a single female...especially one in her early 40's. I'm not 25 anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm old (I daresay I'm trying to convince myself more than you lol) . From the outside looking in, I'm single....from the inside (that includes you lot, in case you were wondering) , I'm not. But whilst I'm hanging around in limbo, there are those out there that help boost my ego through the empty times when I may be feeling particularly vulnerable. We all have them right? They're out there smiling, winking, charming their way in with their friendly hearts, making us feel important...acknowledging us. Doesn't mean they want to do anything about it, but it helps to fill in time while we wait. Nobody likes to think they're invisible all the time. There are moments when we wish we could hide away from the outside world...even moments when we wish the ground would open up and suck us into it's depth...

I went for a quick squiz though my archives this morning. That was some interesting reading if I do say so myself. But it also showed me how different I'm writing these days. Well, the subject matter more than anything. I went there basically to have a read of what one of my new invitees *cough KC cough* was going to get an eyeful of. Dunno how much he bothered reading, but can I just say now...don't go back there!...don't look!...everything's changed, everything's different, I was a different person back then! Ok, I'm still the same person, so that was a lie *gasp!* You can't knock a girl for trying to bury some of her past when she's feeling slightly foolish about it all now. We all have some regrets at some point that we'd like to lock away in the closet. Good days, bad days, they were and are, a part of life that shapes us. Lessons to be learned and all that blah. I think I used to be more fun back then. Hell, even I was entertained wit...

I've been tagged by Some Mexican Chick ...I'm going to skip the 8 random facts about me, I'm pretty sure I've spilled my guts across these pages over the last few years, so I've chosen to try answering the question only: "I love how you write!" (Thank you!) "Your entries give me so much to think about and sometimes you just crack me up. I hope you never lose that lovely sense of humor" (How kind of you to say *blush*. Again, thank you). "So, taking into consideration your current predicament, do you have a Plan B if something were to not come through? " (Oh!....Crap...*mutter mutter*) That's a pretty hefty question to answer. You and I both know she must be referring to my situation with the currently married Dan and what would I do if he changed his mind and decided to stick his marriage out afterall....or perhaps, our clandestine relationship came to a grinding halt for one reason or another. It'd be safe to say that for som...

It's September 11 today in New Zealand, and while I haven't taken part in the 2996 Project for 2007, I have chosen to repost the one I wrote on this anniversary last year. It amazes me that 6 years have passed already since this tragic event. However, it doesn't amaze me that the void and loss can still be felt as keenly as if it were only yesterday for the loved ones of those fallen. It is also no surprise that the U.S. nation and the world at large still struggle to come to terms as to the 'whys and wherefores' of the entire situation. And putting aside terrorism, war and retaliation, as I sit here today and think back, another thought strikes me (and not for the first time). Life is short. At times it can be incredibly unpredictable...we often have no control over that. What we CAN control is how we live it and the love and happiness we spread around those close to us. The negatives of life in general get in the way of that happening many times over the ye...

Ok, enough dramatics from me. Fact...children are going to get older and leave home. Fact...parents are going to feel the void and adjust in whatever way suits them best. Fact...everyone will get on with their lives, the sun will come up again tomorrow despite drama, hormones and loss. It's important to get these things into perspective. I, of course, occasionally let it all get the better of me and do a Scarlett O'Hara, throwing myself dramatically against the nearest staircase. Besides, he came back to me the following day and the important thing is, he will continue to come home to me. Whether he's living under this roof or not. Fact...I'm his Mum...he loves me...he knows how much I love him...and no amount of land mass or ocean depth will make either of us forget that. No need to cover your ears...I'm not about to burst out with "Aint No Mountain High Enough" . The other night I was watching an ad on the telly for a woman's only gym. Me: "I...

It's Cameron's birthday today. September 1. Born on the 'unofficial' first day of Spring in New Zealand. My hospital room was filled with the most beautiful and vibrant colours from spring flowers this day, 18 years ago. Cameron is on the home stretch through his final year of college (high school)...he's allowed to vote...he's now driving...he has more in his savings account than I do....and today he can go into the local liquor store and purchase alcohol for his party this evening. Next year he starts University. I was going to give him a rice cooker as part of his birthday gifts this year. Yeah, you read it right...a rice cooker. If there's two appliances I know Cameron will want when he moves out of home, they'll be a rice cooker and a blender. The kid could almost live on rice and fruit smoothies alone. And while I know he's not moving out tomorrow, I also know that day is going to come a lot quicker than I'm prepared for. I wanted ...

I know, I know, I've been a ratshit bloggy person of late. *hangs head in shame* Not sure why that is, guess just another one of those slumpy periods when I feel what I've got to say is not newsworthy really. I know many of us go through these from time to time. Despite the lack of an update here, I have been sneaking a look at what you've been up to....keeps me in the loop. It's obvious I'm not the only one that's taking some time out...all those lovely holidays. Makes me envious and greedy to have more. And seeing my brother and his family again, made me come back and start looking up airlines to get to them in Sydney lol. Here's a few pics I took with my phone last week. My gorgeous niece, Lyla (21 months). And the only time she wore this hat and scarf...amazing I managed to snap the pic before she threw them both off again. My brother, David and his fiancee, Nicole. Nicole is pregnant again, due on 23rd December...and this time they're having a bo...

Few of you know I'm on annual leave at the moment. After all the blabbering I did the other week about my job, it was obvious I needed time out. Since last Wednesday I've had some time to mess around at home and get a few things done that I've been wanting to do for a while. I've mucked out Ryan's bedroom, that in itself was quite a feat. Not only was it an arduous task, it also tugged at my heart strings. Like his mother, Ryan is a hoarder...he had every childhood toy, story book, piece of artwork, years of school exercise books and god knows how many clothes that he no longer fits. It was difficult getting rid of so many memories. The kid used to collect rocks...not with a passion of any kind, but he'd just pick one up if he liked the shape of it, the colour etc...I came across stones and rocks...not to mention, sticks...the longer the better. His bedroom's not big at all, but we managed to throw out SO much stuff and move the furniture around in it ...

Me: "It's like I have a wisdom tooth trying to come down at the back." Ex-husband: "But you had all your wisdom teeth out years ago." Me: "I KNOW!" Ex: "Maybe you're a lot wiser than we thought......although I'd find that hard to believe." *** Me: "I've been thinking..." Co-worker: *touching my forehead* "Are you feeling alright?" Me: "ha ha..." Co-worker: *rolling chair out swiftly from under desk* "Here, perhaps you should sit down." *** Doctor: "So, let me get this straight...you thought you might have conjunctivitus and you chose to wear your contact lenses anyway? Me: "Er...yes..." Doctor: *pointing sternly* "NAUGHTY!!" *** Patient: "That's an interesting shirt you're wearing today." Me: "Yes, it's a little different isn't it? Patient: "Did you tie dye it yourself?" Me: "Um, actually it'...

When I walked into work one Friday afternoon a young mum was standing at reception holding her son and asking if there was any chance someone could take a look at him. His temperature was quite high and he'd become lethargic and 'floppy' in the last hour or so. Like most Friday afternoons, we were fully booked, but we always do what we can to accommodate babies/toddlers and the elderly in particular. The nurse checked over the 20 month old boy....one of the doctors was called in to assess him and make sure all was ok. Before she left, the nurse gave Mum further advice on how to cool her son down and what to kept on eye out for. Less than 30 minutes later, I'm sitting at my desk and become aware of someone tooting their horn...I look up to see a car come careering into the carpark, barely stopping short of the entrance. My chair is situated directly in line with the front door, so when I noticed who was driving I literally ran to thump on the nurse's door after ...