Because I can ...

*ahem* *tap, tap, tap* "Err, is this thing on?" *thonk, thonk, thonk!* *deepens voice* "Charlie, Romeo, Alpha, Papa...are you receiving me?...over" *rolls eyes* Yeah....I know....sorry. Soooo....I stopped smoking two months ago. Exactly two months ago today actually, 23rd of January. What possessed me to stop smoking and blogging in the same week is beyond me...but it happened anyway, and despite some ups and downs emotionally, we managed to ride it out. The kids didn't even notice I'd stopped until I pointed it out to them 3 days after the fact...and here's me hoping I was raising a couple of observant and attentive young men. *sigh* Saying that, when I did approach them, asking "Have you noticed anything different about me the last few days??" , they both suddenly took great interest in my hair. *snort* I also took some time out from the adult male variety, trying to give myself some space to think (like I needed any more freakin' time ...

I'm taking a sabbatical. Just letting you know in case you start to wonder if I've fallen down a dark hole. I'm still around checking in on my blog favourites but need the time out from my own life and just about everything else right now. I wish you good health and much happiness. Take care and bye for now xx

That's the name of the OPI nail polish on my toes..."Where's My Limo"...cute huh?...oh never mind. Leilani?...Thank you. Thank you for commenting on that post down there...I couldn't have said it better myself. You're a gem and a good mate...ok, one that asks some frightening questions (via email) . Questions that have my brain struggling to monumental proportions, but a great mate nonetheless. Big smooches to you my gorgeous friend. Right, 'nuff of the mush. You'll be thinking I've been eating too much sugar again. (Have not !) So anyway , I keep sitting down here to write something...anything...and then my mind scrambles any possible subject I might come up with and I get up again, and walk away. Actually, this afternoon at work, I was thinking that I'd just come home and do a video post...that'd solve the thought of sitting here in this heat and messing around with the keyboard. But, on the way home I made a detour to the supermarket...i...

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) "An outburst does you no favours on the relationship front so take a few moments to cool off. What is it that you are really furious about, the real issue or your lack of control? You are the only one responsible for this difficult situation. You can put an end to it by changing your stance and temporarily going with the flow." How DO they know?? It's almost like magic, isn't it? Pfft. Tomorrow I want to read one that says something about dreams coming true and harmony and peace will reign supreme in your life and blah blah blah, warm, fuzzy, wholesome, positive stuff. Fuck that negative shit. And the swearing... enough of the swearing! Eh? That was me, you say? Oh...yeah...that WAS me *sigh* You know? One day I may just surprise the crap out of you all and get it right! I promise we'll fly lots of colourful banners and balloons that day, k? Hell, we'll have a fucking parade to celebrate that milestone, I tell ya!

You know you've been distracted when... - you drive 50 yards down the street and it's the 3 year old passenger beside you that brings to your attention she's not buckled in - "Oh! My seatbelt Aunty Lisa!"; - you immediately have to apologise and then have a conversation about 'naughty' words and how bad Aunty Lisa is, all.the.way.home, because you just said "Fuck!" in front of said 3 year old without thinking; - the following day, you jump in the car, put it in gear and instantly move in reverse coming within a hair's breadth of the garage wall behind you; - you yell at the children for not putting their shoes away...take a seat at the computer, look down and count five pairs that belong to your own feet; - you discover you're completely out of blood pressure medication and it's the last thing you should be without right now; - you have to ring work in the morning to ask what time you're expected to be there that day; - you'...

I had a lengthy text conversation with Neil's son last night. Neil's still in hospital and the doctors can't find anything else wrong with him, they believe it's "psychological trauma" that set him off. He's seen a psychoanalyst and will be doing so again. They'll be keeping him in for a further couple of days to make sure it doesn't recur and he's very withdrawn at the moment. Mike's also said, Neil is asking after me every day, and nobody knows what to tell him. Mike said the best thing for Neil right now, would be for me to make up my mind. So I did...I told Mike that it was better that I just backed off completely. I told him that I can't continue to keep doing this to Neil, and that by me disappearing I will no longer be screwing around with his father's head or his health. Mike's obviously angry at my decision, and knows it will further upset his father. He said that if I think he can tell his Dad that, while he'...

So I made the decision to take some time out from Neil...On Friday morning I asked for two weeks, no email, text or phone contact at all. I needed a breather. I've been feeling under so much pressure, it's been a nightmare trying to juggle two men in such a way. Foolish of me to think I might actually have a handle on it. I lied to Neil, told him that Dan was no longer in contact. This is not the first time I've lied to Neil...I did it a few years ago. It really is quite hopeless trying to keep everyone happy you know. It can't be done. Well, more to the point, I can't do it and not suffer emotionally and mentally anyway. Here's the quick version: - Neil knowing full well that I was already involved with someone else (yet unaware of the married status of that person), asked if he could come to NZ to see me. At that time, he was prepared to come here regardless of my circumstances, and said it was my choice that we meet, secretly or openly. I told him there was n...

...or not. The beginning of a new year. The possibilities could be endless really...or could they? I guess that remains to be seen. Did you know, I've been blogging for 3 years now? Yes, I'm amazed too. December 31st, 2004...that was my first ever blog entry. Not that you can tell...for some reason my archives only show up from Jan 2005. Whatever...no biggie. Funnily enough, I've come full circle. Three years ago, I was faced with making a decision when it came to the men in my life. Yes, that's "men", plural. The last few months, I've found myself again in a similar situation. Two men, one me...now that aint gonna work, is it? I've said "funnily enough"...yet it certainly has no humour to it at all. How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Is it because I'm weak and insecure? Is it because I'm the procrastinator extraordinaire? Is it because I'm greedy and want everything? Possibly a combination of all the...

To my special blogger friends (and those that don't have blogs but read others' anyway *wink*)...I wish a safe, healthy and happy holiday season. Merry Xmas and all the very best to you and your families for the New Year. *Big smoochy group hug*

Rushing into the nurse's room, doctor on my heels: Me: *grabbing nurse and looking back* "haha, I win!" Doc: "Actually it was you I wanted to nail." Me: *cough* "You really need to choose your words more carefully." Doc *gasping* "You've got a filthy mind!" Me: "I can't help it, can I?!...when you're on your own, you have an inbuilt radar for such things." **** Walking into Cameron's bedroom: "Honey? Are you able to..." *taking in state of room* "I wish you'd put those dishes and cups in the dishwasher...and bring your dirty washing out to the laundry please...god, I get so fed up with telling you that. I'm going out shortly, the truck will be here to collect the mini-skip soon, can you tell the driver...*pointing*...are those boxes empty?...chuck em out. Oh my god, what is THAT?" *pausing for answer* "Jeez Mum, that was all very A.D.D. of you...go take some medication."

On Saturday, after my hair-ripping experience, I was expecting to put up a very short post here. It was merely going to say: "Well...THAT hurt like a mother-fucker." But, I didn't need to...because not only was I too busy admiring my own armpits and running my hands up and down my hairless legs...I was also slapping my sister on the back and telling her what a great job she'd done and how proud I was of her. My Mum watched for a short time, then she obviously got bored. There was no yelling or crying involved whatsoever...she buggered off to find something more interesting to do. Lucky I'm not such a sensitive gal...I could have been hurt by her disinterest...perhaps I should have been more entertaining? Although how I was supposed to achieve that lying on my back with my arms in the air is beyond me. (Oy, this was my mother ...me being in that position would not appeal to her, so shut ya gobs.) Anyway, apart from one very brief teeth-gritting moment...it was virt...

I've been growing the hairs on my legs and under my arms for almost two weeks now. Don't freak out...I know it's a turn-off, but there's a logical reason for me doing this. Besides, I'm not here to turn you on anyway. Back to the hair, I'm a shaver. Apart from the few months I gritted my teeth and gave the epilady a fair crack many moons ago...I've been shaving for years. I shave in the shower every day or every other day...it's a nuisance, but the alternative is dealing with prickly legs and armpits, and I'm just not prepared to leave it until it gets completely out of hand...so the hair's gotta go. My sister, bless her heart, has decided to take up waxing, along with the rest of the services she offers in her studio. Which means my body is once again being tampered with for the sake of beauty science. Christ, how much longer can this go on for? Am I not already beautiful enough for fuck sake?? You know, I didn't mind so much laying back...

...yet I guess you didn't even know I was out. I don't get out too often these days, so when I do, I have to make sure it's noted somewhere I guess. Hey, look at me! I've posted, um...*counts up posts*...5 times within a week. Who knew it was still possible eh?? I've been out to my work christmas dinner tonight...had far too much to drink...can you tell?? Enjoyed myself immensely...and although the screen is slightly blurry, I can still type. Damn, I really am a legend. Or something like that. I'm off to get my gear off and get into bed...I've a headache coming on I think. I bet you're all just tickled pink that I thought of you enough to come here and post before I went to bed, haha. Happy weekend to you all!

Cameron left the house this morning, for the last time in his college school uniform. The last time...EVER. That's it...finito...he's done with school. Ok, he's going to university next year...but he's done, done, done, with school . Course, I had to grab him and hug him tightly before he left. "Well...this is it...last time sweetheart." "Oh Mum, it's just school." "I don't care. You made it all the way through and came out the other end intact...I'm so proud of you." *sigh* "It's only school...no need to make such a big deal about it." Then he stepped out the door grinning and winked at me. He WINKED at me! lol *deep breath* My baby's gonna be playing with the BIG boys! I feel a moment coming on. *sob*

You know those people that can get chatty when there are gaps during conversations? They're the people that kinda start talking madly, filling in the pauses by running off at the mouth...polluting the air with a whole lot of anything and nothing...which can sometimes equate to complete rubbish? You know what I mean right? Sales people love them. A good salesperson will gauge this in their prospect, sit back and let the potential buyer continue on like that...til they've basically sold themselves on whatever product it is. The sale goes through, and the vendor barely moved a muscle. I think they call that "easy money". I can be one of those people. I readily admit it. I don't always do it and despite enjoying the sound of my own voice, I actually value silence. I'm the mother of two boys...they can be rowdy buggers...so yeah, I LOVE my silence. But there are definite times that I feel the need to talk non-stop...fill the spaces...and keep filling them til I ru...

I must mumble sometimes when I answer the phone at work. I'm not aware of it but the patients either have problems hearing, or I'm mumbling. Maybe it happens on Monday mornings more than any other day of the week? I must check that out...do some kinda survey. Do you know...I will actually sing along with the radio all the way to work on a Monday or Thursday (early shifts) , deliberatey to make sure my voice is 'warmed' up and awake?? I kid you not...I really do do that. Anyway...I answer the phone... "Good Morning, Blah Medical Centre, Lisa speaking." Those that don't ignore the fact that I've announced myself (or maybe they're not sure because of the mumble?) ...will come back with "Oh, hello Liz" ...or "Good morning Lesley" . I never correct them...just let them believe my name's something other than it truly is. What does it matter? They're not ringing to be friends with me are they? I've tried various wa...

Always remember to pay more attention to which style of knickers one is wearing before attending the gym. Careful strategic planning is recommended. Do not just grab the first pair, willy nilly, out of the drawer without thinking clearly. Making the correct underwear choice will ensure that one does not spend the entire 30 minutes on the treadmill wondering how many people there are working out on the row of cross-trainers directly behind one. Which means one will avoid thinking about how many others are possibly aware that one's undies are riding up one's arse crack. It will also stop one from wishing that nobody is using above-mentioned cross-trainers, and thus, one will not become obsessed about all the witnesses one could have, of one digging around in one's arse to extract wayward panties. And for future reference...remember it can be a most uncomfortable experience to use the exercycle immediately after getting off the treadmill. (When you have a bum as big as min...

It's been an emotional week thus far, and it's only Wednesday. Yesterday was a horribly difficult day. I hurt someone I love and care very deeply for. I won't go into any detail but it weighs heavily in my heart, and just thinking about it brings me to tears. It's painful to breathe today. Cam's just left the house to sit his Japanese Scholarship exam...God, you'd think the kid was being lead to the gallows. After yesterday, I could just as easily join him in those thoughts. Despite knowing that it's probably best for everyone concerned, well, maybe the right thing anyway, that I take these steps, it doesn't stop me wanting to run away from myself right now.

I registered a new patient at work yesterday afternoon. Her name was Lisa Sara (thank goodness for invite only, can't have her googling herself can we? lol) . That's her full name...Ms Sara...christian name, Lisa. Does anyone else know why I think that's as funny as shit?? **** I was thinking a few days ago that I should've taken up that NaBloPoMo challenge to post every day for the month of November...at least that way I'd be here more often. Every day in fact. (Ya think? *snort*) **** My blogroll has shrunk, as has the 'permissions' list for reading my blog. I went all staunch on both lists a few days ago and knocked off anyone that doesn't bother coming in here anymore...and obviously those that don't post anymore. If I have mistakenly knocked you off my roll in the throes of madly pruning, let me know. (There are actually more people on my permissions list than there are on my roll, not sure how that one works lol.) That's me for the moment, ...

Things continue to change in my life. Of course, we expect that...we're not always prepared for it, and we don't always want it to happen. It seems to me, that just when I'm getting used to one thing, it either disappears, or something else comes along and shoves it out the way. Cameron has all but officially finished college...besides only needing to go back to school on the days that his exams are scheduled, he's done with this chapter of his life. Next year, sometime around February, he'll be a university student. How did this happen??! It seems only moments ago that he was kicking and screaming at the teacher of his new entrants class, as I tried to edge my way out the door. Now here he is...18 years old and about to launch himself upon a university lifestyle, majoring in Computer Sciences and Japanese. Ryan, has decided to go back to school next year. This has come as a complete and utter surprise to his father and I. A couple of months ago, we sat do...