Because I can ...

I went into New Zealand's most popular dating site yesterday morning. I was sitting here staring at the screen, trying to find a subject to blog about and figured I might find something on the messageboards/forum in there. What a waste of time that was lol. But, it got me thinking about what people want or more to the point, what they ask for. I went through some profiles, both men and women...some are pretty basic. They're lonely, want to share their time with that special someone, want friendship first and see where it goes kinda thing. Others are more specific...my God, the wants and needs of some of the nation are enough to make me pack up house and move to a shack amongst swamp land. My thoughts turned to expectations. What we expect from each other as life partners, the expectations of friends, or the possibility of moving friendships to the next level. Do we make it clear at the beginning what we expect? I'd have to say in my opinion, we don't. Of course we can b...

You know how sometimes you leave the house wearing something you're not sure you should be wearing? You wonder if you may end up feeling uncomfortable with others seeing you in what you've got on? Could be the colour's not something you'd usually wear, or the style is different etc. Or that it's just not comfortable to wear full stop, the material's scratchy or not sitting right on your body or whatever? And you know how sometimes that drives you back inside to the closet to make a last minute change? AND...you know how sometimes you throw clothes on, quick scan in the mirror and then leave the house without much thought about it? Long as it's tidy, not offensive and your skirt's not caught in the back of your knickers, you're good to go kinda thing. The latter is what I do most of the time, unless I've got some special big night out (I do have them occasionally you know), I don't primp and preen much when it comes to what I'm wearing. I...

I leave you lot alone for a while and look what happens! Sheesh. Bickering in my comments below like that, shame on you. While Monica and Leilani are busy deciding who gets to be the flirty skirty with Craig at the pub.... Jo and Fizzy are trying to throw their weirdness on each other. And Dan? Well, who the hell knows what Dan's up to?? Methinks he's forgotten to take his medication. Course you can't remind him of that, he could start frothing at the mouth at this rate...best to throw the water bottle and pills in his general direction and run, baby, run! Well done to Anne for admitting she IS the patooty checker-outter! That's set in concrete now (or on film anyway). *takes deep cleansing breath, smooths down hair* Right, let's get on with this jimble jamble before I get myself organised and actually write something that flows properly lol As I mentioned in the comments of the post below, I'm either going to have to add more kiwi bloggers to my b...

Firstly, that last post was pretty crappy. A small conversation between two people that should never have gone public...who knew?? I did, well I certainly do now and should've known better than to put up such a subject, regardless of the funny side of my chat with Steve. At the time I thought it wouldn't be so bad....then I had to respond to the comments....that was kinda yukky. In fact it was MORE than yukky, it felt putrid...I felt like I needed to get off my chair and jump up and down to shake off the whole ghastly feeling. What on earth possessed me??! Nuff of that. Moving right along....let's get onto some positive warm fuzzy stuff eh? What do you mean NO??! Well I say, yeah...my blog, an' all that...you lose. Now for some rather cool news. I met another blogger today... in..the...flesh . That's right, I did indeedy do. (wtf is that? no matter, it's there now haha.) Yep...today I met Kassi of Kassi's Kingdom . In fact I not only met Kass, but also her M...

Steve rang last night. Hell that man makes me laugh, shame neither of us are interested in each other that way. I do love my relationship with him, we can talk about anything and everything and there is no awkwardness between us. Good company, lots of laughs and a comfortable catch up on what we've been doing. Last time I spoke with him was on Christmas Day when I was trying to convince him to come to the orchard and join my family for dinner. He'd been working nightshift on the tankers and was going to be alone on Christmas Day. I hated the thought of that. He didn't come, he chose to sleep instead...bastard! lol. As we were talking last night, it suddenly occured to me...What if something happens to him? You know, hospitalisation or worse? Who was going to tell me? I don't know any of his family, besides his Godmother, and regardless of how boxy and strong she is, her health is deteriorating. (I spoke with her the other day, she sounds in good spirits but terribly f...

I'm feeling a little flat tonight. It was a long afternoon at work, a horrible mess trying to reconcile the banking (it actually wasn't my fault this time lol), which meant I had to stay longer until it all balanced. I then came home to find the results for the NCEA exams had arrived in the letterbox. Or more to the point that they'd arrived and Ryan didn't pass. I had a feeling it was going to happen, he was hardly on target to pass, he'd been messing around at school last year, didn't bother putting in the effort (no trips to the Principal's office last year, so that at least was a positive thing). I believe from his point of view, he had better things to focus on...his education not being one of them. I haven't said anything to him but I know he feels my disappointment. Quite frankly, I feel like yelling "I told you, didn't I??!" But I won't, and only because I think he feels crappy enough already. I feel like being nasty a...

Leilani of "The Pursuit of Meaning" and I had an MSN conversation yesterday. As Monica of "This Womans Journey" has mentioned on her previous blog, Leilani is one of the most intelligent and educated women we know. She's not so up to scratch when it comes to I.T. stuff though and she's the first to admit it. This hit me between the eyes yesterday, when she said she could hear me on voice chat then asked if could I hear her yet. Alas, I could not hear her. I asked if her microphone was switched on or plugged in properly, and she answered with "Oh, you mean I need a bloody mic?" lol Despite this hiccup we continued with our chat. Me talking on the headset and her typing. The woman types at the speed of light anyway, so it wasn't a problem. It was such a pleasure to talk with her...one on one...not having to wait for comments to be answered or refreshing Outlook for a response. The IM responses came at me like bullets at times lol. I...

So much for me posting 2 days in a row...was feeling rather impressed with myself for a moment...thought I was on a roll. A very short one obviously lol. I went and picked up the belt/strap for my weedeater today, it didn't come with one, and considering my back was complaining so badly, I figured it could only help. You know when you're body starts giving off signs of you getting older? I don't necessarily mean the gravity thing, we've been there and discussed that plenty on here. No, I don't mean that (although I still hate that word with the passion of a thousand rabbits shagging), I'm talking about the grunting and groaning of muscles, the creaking and cracking of bones etc. Yeah those real nasty kinda sounds. The other day I bent over to pick something off the floor outside Cameron's bedroom door....standing up I emitted a small grunt....I GRUNTED for fuck sake! I was mortified and Cameron came rushing out of his room when he heard my horrified gasp. ...

My lawn man of 7 years (7 years !) dumped my lawn's ass about 5 weeks ago. Yep, he was downsizing and decided that although I was one of his very first customers, I was just too far out of the 'zone' for him to continue. Does loyalty not count for anything anymore? Sheesh. More evidence of the 7 year itch? Perhaps it's just too gardenly for his tool to handle?? (That's a crock of shit, there's bugger all of it lol). *Standing in the hardware store, holding petrol driven weed whacker* Me: "What do you think? This one seems ok eh?" *starts playing air guitar against it singing Green, Green Grass of Home* Cameron: *rolls eyes* "I guess." Me: "Some enthusiasm would be nice dear." Cam: "We're talking manual labour Mum....enthusiasm is not an option here." Me: "There are three able bodied people in our house, we can share it, besides it has to be done. Right, I need gumboots, new gardening gloves etc." *Picking ...

Spent Xmas Day with my family at the Orchard. Was wonderful to see everyone again and all together in one place. Stayed ONE night in the tent. Due to Ryan being ill on Christmas Eve, and seemingly ok on Christmas Day, we continued with the original plan and tented that night. Wouldn't you know it? At 2.30am I was standing outside in the rain holding a torch, while he was parked up on the outside loo. Not only did I get saturated doing that, I had to first go into the loo to remove a spider before he'd enter it again. Incidentally Cameron was the only one who had a decent night's sleep in the tent...although he did say the next day it would've been better if we were not having a conversation over the top of him at 3am. (I really must remember to plan the bed layouts better next time *snort*). Anne turned up at the tent 'door' around 9 to complain that I was still in bed and I threw a box of moccachino at her. By the time I put my feet into gumboots and st...

Life is rocking on by at a great rate of knots and I'm trying hard to hang on to it's coat tails....there are times when I would willingly let go and come to a grinding stop. Other times I'm so eager, I rush forward trying to overtake it. If I could only find a lovely balance between the two, I'd be able to cope with all manner of feelings and emotions that run my thoughts at certain times. The past 12 months have been interesting to say the least, and like many years, it's had it's fair share of ups and downs. I've said goodbye to people, said hello again to others from my past, only to say goodbye to them several months later. People come and go in our lives....saying it that way makes it sound so much easier than it actually is of course. In reality we have to deal with the emotional roller coaster of them leaving. What's left from those times are snapshots of memories. Memories of good feelings and touches, pictures of scenes that click in an...

My ex-husband turned up at 8.30 on christmas morning, told the boys their mother and him had bought them a joint present but he couldn't be bothered bringing it up, so he'd left it on the street and told them to go get it. Neither of them had any idea. Ryan looked at the car and assumed his father had crashed his other one and that the present must've been in the boot (trunk) lol. As they walked down the driveway, Dad leaned over the balcony and said "Oh, you might want these too" and threw down the keys. We watched from above as it finally dawned....Cameron first...."Oh man, NO WAY!...That's AWESOME!"...Ryan was silent, still wondering what was going on, and where was the present? (oh dear poor child lol). So yeah, we got them a car for christmas. Obviously on my budget it's not brand new. In fact I think it may be around 1993...a Mitsubishi Lancer, in great condition, mag wheels, white (bleech), and only a 1.5 litre, so nothing too powerfu...

( Edit: 24 December: At 5am this morning, this is the sound that woke me up. *thump, thump, thump, thump...."BLEEEEEEEEEECH!!* Yep, Ryan almost made it to the toilet...in fact he managed to get as far as the threshold...thus it was all down the door and across the floor instead...mind you, the next couple of chucks were directly into the toilet bowl. Poor baby. The biggest panic for me was that it was streaked with so much red...that was until I remembered him having a strawberry sundae last night after dinner, phew. Noooooooooo! Please! Not NOW!! Just thought I'd share that lol) This is nothing like the post I was planning to put up before Christmas, but with time running out and my head not being in a very settled writing mindset, it's the best I can come up with for now. Forgive me for being a tad on the blah side ok? *smile* The boys are still on their summer break (until the end of Jan at least), and so far they've not done anything too energetic around h...

*settles in chair, takes deep breath* It's now Wednesday morning here in New Zealand, and I have so many thoughts and "to-do" lists crowding the inside of my head, it's a wonder my fingers are able to do anything other than write more lists....more lists, oh and let's not forget MORE FRIGGIN' LISTS! *sigh* I need them, I can't get through this time of year with any form of sanity without them. Lists ensuring I've included all I needed to for christmas presents, a list for what I'm required to put together food-wise to transport up to the coast for christmas day. Another list to make sure the boys and I have everything we need from home to take with us. A list of all my bloody lists. My brother, his fiancee and their 14 month old daughter arrive in New Zealand tonight at midnight...my 23 year old nephew is coming in on the same flight. My parents arrive in Wellington on Saturday. Did I tell you we're going to be basically camping out this ye...

I was going to wait and post this next week, but seeing as I was feeling so chuffed with myself at 12.30 last night, the fact that I'm going away for the weekend again and I felt the need to post something before I take off.... I figured, why wait? lol My first attempt at this small movie was fun, and I do believe I buggered around with it so much, and have watched it so many times now, that I can see oh so many things about it I'd like to change. Typical. The first 3 photos in it you will definitely recognise ha ha. My apologies for the resolution on some of the photos. The one of Jaimee in my lap is not a resolution issue, merely a "Jaimee-wriggling-at-the-wrong-time" moment. lol Just a short compilation of pictures from the past 12 months. Starting with Anna's wedding in February, Barnaby Bear, orchard pics, my brother, sister, brother in law, father, and obviously plenty of my boys. The song is one of my all time favourite christmas tunes by the Eagles and the...

Hello My Lovelies... I apologise for the lack of a new post. My absence has not been due to anything other than me being away for the weekend AND my cable modem dying. More fallout from the power surge a couple of weeks ago unfortunately. Needless to say, we were extremely happy to see our ISP technician turn up this morning with a new modem. Prior to that we were wandering around the house with blank faces, 'visiting' each other. That was rather cool. As is to be expected at this time of year, all is very busy trying to get organised. I've been shopping for the little kids I needed to buy for...Anna was my timekeeper, she basically kept slapping her hands together saying "That'll be good for so and so...cross that name off the list....moving right along now...who's next?". It's probably the fastest I've ever managed to get that part of my list done. I must remember to take her again with me next year lol. Cameron has bought himself a Ninte...

Me to friend over the phone: "I've been really getting into The Cranberries lately." Friend enthusiastically: "Oh yeah! They're really good for bladder infections eh?" (After I erupted with laughter, she said "Don't put this on your blog ok?" yeah ok, whatever *snort*) **** On the phone to Cameron who was at an end of year exams party after realising he was supposed to take some alcohol: "So, shall I get you some beer? You don't like beer eh? Oh! How about some bubbly, would you prefer bubbly?" "No Mum, don't get wine....that would be problematic." ( Only Cameron...like mother, like son) **** 2 and a half year old Jaimee running towards me the minute I stepped foot in the door: "Aunty Lisa! LOOK!! " *Hiking up skirt* "I GOT KNICKERS !!" *big grin* (That's progress for you folks *sigh*) **** Doctor calling across restaurant: "Hey Lisa! You'll know. What was the name of the nightclub ...

There are many times when I am deliberately deaf to the goody-good's voice in my head. While that voice is saying "LISA! NO! *cough* Honestly doll, that's REALLY not a good idea." ...the rebel in me is trying to reason... "COME ON! It can't hurt to give it a go...how hard can it be?? You're such a pussy" Goody-good frowns, Rebel throws the first punch....all hell breaks loose, swearing, pulling hair, biting, scratching...and eventually both sides are left completely exhausted, panting in their respective corners. Nothing gets accomplished. Nil all. Let's take bungy jumping or rollercoaster adrenalin rushing stuff. See, both sides of my brain-fence shook hands in agreement about that YEARS ago. The only blood pumping scenario my body's going to be subjected to, will be happening between the sheets...or wherever...and it's not going to involve harnesses or perfectly good aeroplanes with parachutes. You'd be lucky to get me on a trampol...

Thank you to those that have emailed me to check I'm doing ok. I really appreciate hearing from you, always do. And yes, I'm doing ok thank you...well, I will be anyway. My mood goes in 'waves', some days are better than others, and as time rocks on, things can only get better. It helps to keep that in mind...the urge to start yelling "When? WHEN WILL IT GET BETTER??!" could be an issue though lol. I'm finding it easier to keep busy and not think about it. You know the drill....emotional shut down, blocking out thoughts and feelings...you can count on me, I've always been good for that. I apologise for not answering the rest of my comments on the post below. I really just haven't felt up to it, but I certainly appreciate what you've all said and am truly humbled by your kind words and the support they give me. The lack of it from other parties here on the blogisphere can only be expected...yet the shock of reading my previous boyfriend...

Saying goodbye to someone is nasty. I don't mean the "I'll see you soon, or next time" goodbye, but the final..."goodbye, have a good life", kinda thing. I did that this morning. I said goodbye to someone I've known for almost 7 years. Someone who had such an impact on my life and some of the changes that came about within it. I've shed tears this morning and feel a great sense of sadness at the loss, but it really did need to be done. When you meet someone, and things spark off, all seems to be going well and your friendship with them broadens into something stronger, more meaningful. My relationship with this man grew with a swift intensity that knocked me off my feet. The downside? We were 12,000 miles apart. It was foolish of me to think it could go to the next step. He wasn't going to be moving here for good, I had no plans to move there. What was the point in carrying on? Against the odds, we did regardless anyway....with a whole ...