Because I can ...

Alice and I met for lunch today. More out of the necessity to vent rather than wanting to share space in each others company I think. From an early morning text conversation between us, it was obvious we were both pre-menstrual and in pretty pissy moods. Men being the main focus of our attention, it was all on. There's a shortage of men in New Zealand. I remember reading about it in the newspapers a few months ago. There are just simply not enough men to keep the female population satisfied. This of course, does not mean, that after reading that article, I decided the only alternative for me was to get out there and try running off with someone else's husband/partner. If my mind was tuned to that way of thinking I would've had a long running affair with a married man years ago. But I didn't, until my current situation...prior to this, I would've never dreamed of going against the grain of what's 'proper' in society. The LAST thing in the world I w...

I had a fairly cruisy weekend. As you may remember, my sister gave me a gift voucher for my birthday for a facial (or whatever I chose). Saturday afternoon I decided to cash it in. I rang and booked (luckily she was free at 1.30 due to a cancellation). She had me up on the bed and told me that she likes to start all her facials off with a back massage. It was bliss. She massaged my back for at least 20 minutes and then had me roll over to deal to my face (so to speak lol). I lay there while she slapped all sorts of organic concoctions on my face, plucked my eyebrows, painted eye masks and whatever blahdy blahs on me. Then she finished off by giving me a scalp massage and rubbed coconut oil etc through my hair. She didn't do that last part until after I told her I wouldn't be going out for the evening, just staying in watching rugby. And just as well, because when I left, I was looking rather greasy, and I stayed that way until I washed it all out of my hair the follow...

Cameron's been feeling somewhat bullied into getting his drivers license. Ok, so his father and I had to eventually do the "cruel to be kind" thing (not too much of the cruel, but you get the gist). For the past two weeks Cam's been stressing about having to take the test. The day he went with his father to book it, the lady behind the counter said "Oh, we've just had a cancellation, would you like to take it tomorrow instead?" Pat told me later the expression on Cameron's face after hearing that was priceless. A mass of panic mixed with trying to look calm. Poor kid, the things his parents force on him haha. Anyway, the big day was today...9am this morning to be exact. He was up early, I made him breakfast (I know, but it was a special occasion no?) and he sat at the table drinking coffee while madly scouring the Road Code. I hovered around him trying not to add pressure haha. He pointed out "The only reason I've agreed to this now i...

I do stupid stuff sometimes. Well, not so much stupid , but silly kinda teenage stuff you know? In fact I don't even know if a teenager would think about doing some of it, let alone do it for real. *shrug* Whatever, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be putting it out on the web to get laughed at by the world (albeit a small but special group of people in the world) . Because Dan is on the south island and because of the complications we find ourselves up against...there is little I can do to have the time with him I crave. If I'm ever down and skating near the fine line of depression about this situation, I think about some of the things I do that keep him close, even if it's not in the way I'd prefer. I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed to share some of this with you, but what the hell, I've no doubt I lost any sense of decency on here some time ago with you lot: - When I go to the orchard I make sure I have his t-shirt with me, and I wear it to bed (I...

The first weekend Dan flew up to Wellington for his course, and a couple of days after receiving that phonecall, we arranged to see each other. Under the circumstances, I was expecting this to be the last time I saw him. As far as I was aware I was going to go out and pick him up on the Saturday morning and we'd spend the day together. BUT, on the Friday, all day I was practically twitching...I wanted to see him more than anything, and the sooner the better. During the day I'd spoken to both Alice and Anna at different times...I told them jokingly, if I could swing it, I was hoping to get him back here on Friday night. Both agreed I should endeavour to do this. Now, some of you know, I have a slight epilepsy condition...well it's only slight because the medication makes it behave most of the time...I don't convulse, the seizures I have mainly affect my eyes. If you know anything about epilepsy, you'll be aware that seizures can be brought on by strobe lighting. Dri...

I made a mistake last post.... it WAS my 500th post, but alas I was foolish enough to go and delete one I noticed on my list that was never published. The upshot of that is, that the newly deleted post was empty anyway. I have no idea why it was even there, but there ya go, it was, and now it isn't...and neither was my 500th post, pfft. Anyway, just another video of me rambling...about the weather, about work and about my kids driving or more to the point, not driving...and God knows why, even about their jeans. I don't know where I get this stuff, but obviously not "Rivetting.com"...*sigh* Have a great week...I'm off to get warm...Yay! Alone...Boo! haha

- not to leave an empty bottle of mulled wine concentrate on the kitchen bench if I don't want Ryan to call me a drunk; - to place the second full bottle at the back of a cupboard where he won't see it; - that asking my mechanic (who can't take a look at my weird-noise emitting car until Fri) "I won't kill myself before then, will I?" and hearing his response of "I hope not", does nothing to reassure my goal of longevity; - the sweetest four year old can warm my heart as she chats happily to the phlebotomist about how she's got new knickers...and 5 minutes later I'm called in to help physically hold her still while she's screaming blue murder; - the boys on their two week break from school appear to be constantly under my feet, when I've barely seen them at all ; - that changing back to my maiden name is an arduous task and one that includes me having to spell and respell it several times because people think they've misheard me;...

The boys went to their school ball on Friday night. I was relatively lucky this year. I didn't have to do any taxiing around besides dropping them off at a friends at the beginning of the evening. Their father got to do the rest...collect them at midnight...bring them home to change out of their suits...and take Cam back out to the after-party at 1.30am, go back again and collect Cam at 4.30am. Ryan chose not to attend the after party but went for the ride. Cam and his mate had an hour to kill so they all played the Wii until Dad arrived back here. I slept through the whole thing, woke at 2.30 to find Cam's bedroom light on and Ryan fast asleep lol. Before I'd gone to bed earlier that evening, I'd cleared a path amongst books and clothes etc, to the bed in Cameron's room. Didn't know what state he was going to come home in, and I knew there was going to be alcohol involved, just didn't know how much. Thought it best to make the task of him getting to bed eas...

Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend, No way, no way, I think you need a new one, Hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend.... Hey hey, you you I know that you like me, No way, no way, you know it's not a secret Hey hey, you you I want to be your girlfriend... I like this song...and not because I can relate to it, because I don't in many ways, but because it's loud, upbeat and funky. I enjoyed the music well before I bothered listening to the lyrics lol. I caught the video clip of it on tv the other night and I was saying to Cameron "Man, that's a nasty video, she's real MEAN to his girlfriend in it!" Cameron sighed and patiently pointed out that it was a video afterall and furthermore , April Lavigne also played the part of the girlfriend in the video. Course, I'm such a blind plonker, I missed that, I was too busy watching the tart singing, shoving the nice girlfriend into the water, not to mention knocking her in the head with...

It occurred to me yesterday, that last Friday is the first time in over 2 and a half years, I've ever had a guest blogger on my site. I've always been such a greedy wench, never sharing my page with anyone...I must like the man or something lol. (Ya think??) I had a lovely weekend with my sister and her hubby. Diane and Steve (that's their names for those of you that don't know), gave me an overhaul voucher to a private beautician (do you think they're trying to tell me something??) ...ok, it wasn't an overhaul per se...but an organic facial with some kinda mud clay treatment for my hair (sounds horrible to have dirt all through my hair, but I'll give it a shot, how hard can it be? I only have to front up and lie down...too easy). Seems these days almost everything is organic when it comes to my sister lol. The kids gave me a new cordless home phone. The previous one was really on it's last legs...you had to punch some of the numbers about 5 times with a...

...and then "she says" again, cos she always has to have the last word lol. It's my birthday today *grin* Thank you to those that have emailed me with e-cards and birthday wishes. They were very sweet and I appreciated your thoughts tremendously. Y'all just made my day that much better! Yesterday, I received the following email from the special man in my life. It's a biggun, but if you would care to take the time, I'd appreciate you reading it. Dan wrote this yesterday, it was a complete surprise to me, and I've left it as is, so as not to misquote him or alter anything he's written. He said I could add it to one of my posts. SO, here it is. Considering you've only heard my side of the situation, it seems fair to me that he should give his perspective also. I hate to have any of you think the man doesn't have a voice ya know? lol (He even gave it a heading, how cute is that? lol) If any of you have ever been across to The Kiwi House and read D...

There appears to be something happening with my email account. I mean, I spend bloody ages typing monstrous emails (and some of you KNOW I aint lying about that lol)...and some of you aren't even receiving them. Course I don't find this out for a few days...thats when the postmaster sends me an email telling me it hasn't been able to send MY emails after trying for 17,000 hours or something like that...ok, maybe just 127 hours, but even so, it's still a piss off. Funnily enough, some of that's crap and some of it's not....figuring out which ones were received by my online friends and which ones weren't is where the problem lies. So, just in case, I will now apologise to those that read me, that have sent me emails, and it could seem like I haven't responded. Yes, I can be hopeless at answering emails sometimes, but recently? Nah, I've been a good little emailer...if only my ISP would allow me to be, pfft. Actually, that's not completely tru...

I watched a documentary on telly the other night about some men that had dolls as companions...sexually and otherwise. Real Dolls , they're known as. From a distance they do look rather real, but they're actually made of silicone...I think the standard model weighs about 100 pounds of solid silicone. Each man interviewed had his own reasons for purchasing his doll companions... they're lonely for company, they want sex without the hassle of dating first, they want a woman that was a particular build, shape, colour...or maybe they have some kinky crazed sexual fantasies they feel no real woman would participate in. How easy to order one to your specifications eh? There are probably plenty of men out there that wish their partners were the perfect physical female speciman. Far as I'm concerned, they're blowing smoke up their own arses. She doesn't exist. One way or the other, she is almost always going to find something about her body she's not happy with. BU...

I wrote a post in February that I never put up. I'm actually glad I didn't post it at the time because I imagine the outcome would only be seen as stereotypical of the circumstances. ANYWAY, without further ado, here it is, make of it what you will, and I'll try my best to fill in some of the blanks occasionally. *** February 8 I told him I loved him this weekend. In fact I stopped him right in the middle of making love and told him. I've always thought it was never a good idea to say those words during sex. Mainly due to all the hormones going wild and not being completely in control of what's going through your mind. How does the receiver actually know you genuinely mean what you're saying? How do I know I genuinely mean it? I know that's why I stopped him. I wanted to make sure that in some crazy way the words were separated from what we were doing. I didn't want them to be lost in the heat of passion. I wanted to make sure he heard those...

Right, now you know what I'm involved in, I will continue to write what I want or please, whenever I get the urge ok? I realised that if I didn't eventually tell you that some of what I write on here was not going to make sense. I'm pretty good at not making sense at the best of times, but I figure it could only help to fill in some of the blanks. Regardless of the circumstances, I will continue to enjoy the time we do have together, and I will more than likely be expressing that on here. Reading about this situation is not going to sit well with everyone, I realise that. I don't expect you to be jumping up and down with joy about it, but I am hoping for respectful, insightful comments. And so far I've not been disappointed. If any of you are uncomfortable or upset with what you read on here, please tell me you'd like your invitation revoked. I'm very aware of the possible consequences... very aware...we both are. My eyes are not closed on this matter, the...

I'm not much for playing head games, and I certainly don't like it when others play head games with me. As far as I'm concerned they're a waste of time and can cause all manner of upsets for the parties involved. So, why is it then, that sometimes I feel like I'm playing head games with myself these days? My mind becomes split between the angel and devil advocates arguing back and forth. Makes me wonder how long it'll be before an all out brawl gets down and dirty up there. I'm having an affair with a married man. There's no other way to say it, it is what it is. There are very few of you that know this....for those that don't, I'll give you time to let that sink in. *nano second* Ok, that's enough, don't want you dwelling on it for too long. While it's not the typical affair (are any of them? I've no idea), it definitely comes with it's complications...whether we can overcome the complications and all they entail remai...

Cameron and I were having a discussion about what would/could/should happen when he eventually leaves home. There's no estimated date of departure...I think he just likes to fantasise about when he's no longer going to be under this roof. Occasionally he'll bring it up...I think he's concerned that if he doesn't mention it now and then, I'll forget it's ever going to happen. And besides, if there was an actual date, I'd have scrapped going private and permitted the whole damn universe to see the torture my oldest son was subjecting me to. You do realise when he goes I'm gonna be scarred emotionally to the point where I'm rocking and wailing, right? Me: "What if I just want to pop in and visit?" Cam: "No, you can't visit with me..." Me: "I'd respect your privacy...I wouldn't turn up unannounced, I'd ring first" Cam: "... you can only drop things off." Me: "Eh? What THINGS? Money I...

Ok, I think I've done it now. Sorry I don't have anything more interesting for you to read at this point in time...I was purely adding you all to the permission thingy and seeing if it worked. I'm humbled by how many of you sent requests, thank you. (Larry, you silver-tongued devil you lol.) I sent invites to most who asked, relented and sent 3 out that didn't, but thought they may be interested anyway lol. I can't help it if you're away on holiday or don't have readily available internet access. I took it upon myself to assume you'd be devastated if you came in here to find you'd been shut out...I'm hardly going to be happy feeling responsible for that much emotional trauma lol. I was going to say, if you can't get in here and you want to, then just send me an email or say so in my comment box. Then it struck me "How is that possible when some people can't even read what I've said here anyway, doh!" Put that down t...

After giving it several months of consideration (you know me, never one to rush for the gate in a hurry!), I have opted to make my blog private. As you are aware this will mean you'll need to login to be able to read "Internet Lovers". I have plenty I want to write at the moment, things in my head I feel the need to get out, and my blog and it's readers have always been a great source of comfort by helping me 'lose' the occasional skeleton or two. There are some of you I would automatically send out an invite to, and there are regular lurkers that have never commented but continue to read regardless. I understand that, I do this with several blogs myself. And saying that, I won't be sending out any invites unless I hear from you. It seems pointless to me, to send invites all other the show by assuming you're interested in what's going on in my life. So, those of you who would like to be reading about what I've been upto and having an insight i...

I'm still not 100% health-wise...who would've thought a scabby common cold could keep me down for so long eh? I was sent home from work on Monday under strict instructions from one of the nurses "See a doctor! I insist !" I went to see my own GP first thing Tues morning. He kindly gave me medication and two days off work. That's after he dragged me into another room to 'whip' off the two moles we'd discussed a couple of months ago . The shithead barely gave me time to protest. Besides Cameron was with me, and what kind of example would I be if I'd done what I wanted to and bitten the doctor?? Incidentally, my older sister did that once...her doc told her it wouldn't hurt when he was about to use liquid nitrogen on a wart...she said it was an instant reaction...soon as the burning started she leant forward and bit him. Haha, take that doc. Guess the fighting spirit runs in the family huh? I think that's the kindest way to describe...